Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 191

orlok · 04-21-2011, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mortis

Think I'll just nod, get a beer and pretend I understood that

Glad it wasn't just me then

Lycoming · 04-21-2011, 07:52 AM

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!

orlok · 04-21-2011, 01:52 PM

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don’t know. It all happened so fast."

Mortis · 04-21-2011, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don’t know. It all happened so fast."

Classic!

Nexutix · 04-22-2011, 08:05 AM

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman"s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$25"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time,asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$75"
Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$100"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost. I am taking you to church, for confession." They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..."

James_Wilde · 04-22-2011, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patilsaurabhr

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..."

Good one, Saurabhr!

orlok · 04-22-2011, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patilsaurabhr

"Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..."

orlok · 04-22-2011, 01:26 PM

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a lifetime's supply of Marmite.........one jar.

desertblues · 04-22-2011, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a lifetime's supply of Marmite.........one jar.

Orlok: congrats.....you must be one happy camper.

(men................

)

Mortis · 04-22-2011, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a lifetime's supply of Marmite.........one jar.

Thats the 150g size?

I know how big 150g is and I think that too much Marmite!

wodin · 04-22-2011, 02:25 PM

"Love it or hate it."

MJK2111 · 04-22-2011, 03:02 PM

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Marmite

Marmite who?

Marmite, but pa won't!

orlok · 04-23-2011, 07:47 AM

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the monks until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell.....And then...... all the other bells started to ring..........

Poppaea · 04-23-2011, 03:05 PM

Nexutix · 04-24-2011, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

And then...... all the other bells started to ring..........

04-22-2011, 08:05 AM	#2855
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman"s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice" Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My Dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "$25" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time,asks the boy, "How much?" Boy: "$75" Man: "Sold." A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy: "$100" The Dad says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost. I am taking you to church, for confession." They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..." Last edited by Nexutix; 04-22-2011 at 08:10 AM.

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04-21-2011, 07:52 AM	#2852
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!

04-21-2011, 01:52 PM	#2853
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don’t know. It all happened so fast."

04-22-2011, 01:26 PM	#2858
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a lifetime's supply of Marmite.........one jar.

04-22-2011, 02:25 PM	#2861
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	"Love it or hate it."

04-22-2011, 03:02 PM	#2862
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	Knock Knock Who's there? Marmite Marmite who? Marmite, but pa won't!

04-23-2011, 07:47 AM	#2863
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the monks until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell.....And then...... all the other bells started to ring..........

04-23-2011, 03:05 PM	#2864
Poppaea Lucifer's Bat Posts: 2,577 Karma: 20638583 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Earth/Berlin Device: Kobo Libra Colour