Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 186

MartinC · 04-13-2011, 05:17 PM

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Well... I've got this one I've just finished wiring up. What do you think? Any feedback would be good. Yes, I know there are a couple of loose connections, but that's what editors are for, right? Went really smoothly, 10,000 filaments a day, no trouble. Anyway, I put it on Amazon this morning... Fantastic box - my wife did all the artwork. Can't understand why nobody's switched it on yet. I've done the Facebook page and the tweets and everything. Spent hours posting on those bloody forums. Perhaps I should have included a vampire. Or an elf. Do you think I should drop the price a bit? 99 cents?

Oh, to hell with it. This time next year I'll be as big as JKR and I'll be able to pay someone to change the bloody light bulb.

MJK2111 · 04-13-2011, 08:24 PM

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge

Mortis · 04-14-2011, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

The Beatles were remarkable.

I'm going to agree with you, but with an added caveat, they were remarkable in the late 60's early 70's. Just as remarkable as say the Back Street Boys or perhaps New Kids on the Block. The Beatles were basically a Boy Band. This is not a bad thing or is it meant to slag the Beatles.

They are by all definitions amazingly popular, hugely successful, the yard stick that all pop bands have to measure up to, but they are not remarkable

Sorry if I have offended anyone, but if I have to hear yet another rendition of Hey Jude or Penny Lane in the freaking elevator I'll go postal!

Incase you're wondering I like the Beatles, in fact they were the first cassette I ever owned, the White Album, the second was The Rolling Stones another band that should give in to the inevitable and someone tell Keith Richards he died in 74 and lets get on with the funeral

Lycoming · 04-14-2011, 06:06 AM

Why do sheep wear lipstick?

So that Australian farmers know which end to kiss.

I'm gone..............

yvanleterrible · 04-14-2011, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

I agree that it is...

banning wand coming out... (wait that didn't sound good).

BOb

Banning wands and sheep?

Sheesh! Where's this world going to...

Lycoming · 04-14-2011, 06:26 AM

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope
for you. Be advised/warned/prepared for two wee sweary type words. For those of a nervous disposition go to the next page.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For
those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They
actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It
takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting
from Springfield , IL .

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't
be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer!
during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are cr azy .

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from
all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer
maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is
starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to
stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it
will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt
with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as
he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a n ice blend c hili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

MJK2111 · 04-14-2011, 09:46 AM

I heard a story on the radio this morning that caught my attention. Seems there was a 15 year old high school boy who was caught blackmailing a female classmate. He somehow obtained a picture of her topless, and threatened to post it to Facebook unless she lent him her saxophone. The police are investigating.

I almost feel sorry for the kid...he now has to go through life as a registered sax offender.

kennyc · 04-14-2011, 09:54 AM

And not only that the pics were already on FB.

GeoffC · 04-14-2011, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

I heard a story on the radio this morning that caught my attention. Seems there was a 15 year old high school boy who was caught blackmailing a female classmate. He somehow obtained a picture of her topless, and threatened to post it to Facebook unless she lent him her saxophone. The police are investigating.

I almost feel sorry for the kid...he now has to go through life as a registered sax offender.

pdurrant · 04-14-2011, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

I heard a story on the radio this morning that caught my attention. Seems there was a 15 year old high school boy who was caught blackmailing a female classmate. He somehow obtained a picture of her topless, and threatened to post it to Facebook unless she lent him her saxophone. The police are investigating.

I almost feel sorry for the kid...he now has to go through life as a registered sax offender.

Unfortunately, it's not a joke.

orlok · 04-14-2011, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope
for you. Be advised/warned/prepared for two wee sweary type words. For those of a nervous disposition go to the next page.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For
those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They
actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It
takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting
from Springfield , IL .

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't
be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer!
during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are cr azy .

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from
all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer
maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is
starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to
stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it
will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt
with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as
he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a n ice blend c hili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

I heard a story on the radio this morning that caught my attention. Seems there was a 15 year old high school boy who was caught blackmailing a female classmate. He somehow obtained a picture of her topless, and threatened to post it to Facebook unless she lent him her saxophone. The police are investigating.

I almost feel sorry for the kid...he now has to go through life as a registered sax offender.

GROAN

orlok · 04-14-2011, 02:46 PM

Apologies in advance for the "groan" factor in this one:

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe.

"Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree"

Spoiler:

MJK2111 · 04-14-2011, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"Ees... a.... Ham bush"

Nexutix · 04-15-2011, 12:12 AM

and the house:

WT Sharpe · 04-15-2011, 05:48 AM

Damn you, Firefox! I had just about completed this reply when Foxfire crashed and I had to begin again from the beginning.

The woman in that photo is Nan Wood Graham, sister of the artist, Grant Wood (1891-1942), who painted American Gothic. She died in 1990 at the ripe old age of 91. The man is Wood's dentist, Dr. Byron H. McKeeby, who died in 1950.

According to Wikipedia, the painting depicts a man and his spinster daughter, rather than a husband and wife as commonly assumed, but there seems to be some controversy about that. According to this write-up on Flicker, Nan W. Graham grew embarrassed at being depicted as the wife of a man so much older, and so began claiming that the painting actually depicted a father and daughter rather than a husband and wife, while her brother remained silent on the issue.

Great find, patilsaurabhr!

04-13-2011, 05:17 PM	#2776
MartinC Hanger on Posts: 148 Karma: 1355233 Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Dorset, UK Device: Kindle 3, Galaxy S, Sony PRS-505, Sony tablet	How many writers does it take to change a light bulb? Well... I've got this one I've just finished wiring up. What do you think? Any feedback would be good. Yes, I know there are a couple of loose connections, but that's what editors are for, right? Went really smoothly, 10,000 filaments a day, no trouble. Anyway, I put it on Amazon this morning... Fantastic box - my wife did all the artwork. Can't understand why nobody's switched it on yet. I've done the Facebook page and the tweets and everything. Spent hours posting on those bloody forums. Perhaps I should have included a vampire. Or an elf. Do you think I should drop the price a bit? 99 cents? Oh, to hell with it. This time next year I'll be as big as JKR and I'll be able to pay someone to change the bloody light bulb. Last edited by MartinC; 04-13-2011 at 06:12 PM.

04-14-2011, 02:46 PM	#2787
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Apologies in advance for the "groan" factor in this one: There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts. "Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!" "You're right, amigo!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?" With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree" Spoiler: "Ees... a.... Ham bush"

04-15-2011, 12:12 AM	#2789
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	and the house: Last edited by Nexutix; 04-15-2011 at 12:15 AM.

04-15-2011, 05:48 AM	#2790
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Damn you, Firefox! I had just about completed this reply when Foxfire crashed and I had to begin again from the beginning. The woman in that photo is Nan Wood Graham, sister of the artist, Grant Wood (1891-1942), who painted American Gothic. She died in 1990 at the ripe old age of 91. The man is Wood's dentist, Dr. Byron H. McKeeby, who died in 1950. According to Wikipedia, the painting depicts a man and his spinster daughter, rather than a husband and wife as commonly assumed, but there seems to be some controversy about that. According to this write-up on Flicker, Nan W. Graham grew embarrassed at being depicted as the wife of a man so much older, and so began claiming that the painting actually depicted a father and daughter rather than a husband and wife, while her brother remained silent on the issue. Great find, patilsaurabhr! Last edited by WT Sharpe; 04-16-2011 at 10:16 AM. Reason: OPPS! Changed Foxfire to Firefox. Nice catch, BOb!

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04-13-2011, 08:24 PM	#2777
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge

04-14-2011, 06:06 AM	#2779
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Why do sheep wear lipstick? So that Australian farmers know which end to kiss. I'm gone..............

04-14-2011, 06:26 AM	#2781
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. Be advised/warned/prepared for two wee sweary type words. For those of a nervous disposition go to the next page. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL . Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer! during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.' Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are cr azy . CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sht-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. *I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a n ice blend c hili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 - No Report

04-14-2011, 09:46 AM	#2782
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	I heard a story on the radio this morning that caught my attention. Seems there was a 15 year old high school boy who was caught blackmailing a female classmate. He somehow obtained a picture of her topless, and threatened to post it to Facebook unless she lent him her saxophone. The police are investigating. I almost feel sorry for the kid...he now has to go through life as a registered sax offender.

04-14-2011, 09:54 AM	#2783
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	And not only that the pics were already on FB.