Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[Mortis]

Originally Posted by nohmi2

And now for the 'Good News' folks!

Spoiler:

Attachment 69815

Cheers

Nohmi, thats so..so..theres no words for that

Thanks for the laugh this morning

[orlok]

Truly hare-raising. Nice one Nohmi.

OK, my joke for the day:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked," How does that feel"?

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by orlok

Truly hare-raising. Nice one Nohmi.

OK, my joke for the day:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked," How does that feel"?

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

[Mortis]

Damn I'll remember that next time I golf

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by orlok

...

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked," How does that feel"?

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

[nohmi2]

@orlok. I called my hubby to read your joke, and after he finished laughing he

said that he's going to tell it to his golfing buddies this afternoon.

Cheers.

[pdurrant]

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Of variable quality, but sometimes brilliant.

[kennyc]

Ah, the ol' bait and switch!

[Mortis]

Falkland's war

Why did the Brits bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?

War brides

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by Mortis

Falkland's war

Why did the Brits bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?

War brides

Oi!!

[Mortis]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Oi!!

I should have known that would upset someone, sorry mate, no offense meant.

Hope this eases your pain:


A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!"


A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."



An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."



What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste.

[MJK2111]

Originally Posted by Mortis

Falkland's war

Why did the Brits bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?

War brides

This one is much more practical - you don't have to wine and dine her first:

[Lycoming]

Please don't make me tell you all my sheep jokes....no please......

[pdurrant]

Why did the sheep buy the village pub?

She'd always wanted to be a baatender.

[MJK2111]

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Please don't make me tell you all my sheep jokes....no please......

Do it! I DARE you! I DOUBLE-DARE you!

Don't be a coward!

If you don't tell us ALL your sheep jokes, you will be forced to listen to ABBA music 24 hours a day!