Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 183

Lycoming · 04-07-2011, 10:54 AM

Do you know your rights? Steve does.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30InB...ature=youtu.be

GeoffC · 04-07-2011, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppaea

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

much Karma worthy ...

GeoffC · 04-07-2011, 12:04 PM

MJK2111 · 04-07-2011, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppaea

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

Any truth to the rumor that Michael Jackson was part of the initial focus group to test the product?

Poppaea · 04-07-2011, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppaea

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

Any truth to the rumor that Michael Jackson was part of the initial focus group to test the product?

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

wodin · 04-07-2011, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

He forgot to mention the part about what happens to all the air they pump into you in order to get a better view.

Poppaea · 04-07-2011, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

He forgot to mention the part about what happens to all the air they pump into you in order to get a better view.

Only because he is a cissy and had a shot of Valium! First of all I had to take my second partage of MovPrep the very morning at 6am and then I did it without the anaesthetics. Best part was, when I actually asked my doc what if I spurt on you? And he said totally cool: Thats the job hazard. And grinned

orlok · 04-08-2011, 08:10 AM

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect pair God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a toilet and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair."

nohmi2 · 04-08-2011, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair."

Spoiler:

Cheers

nohmi2 · 04-08-2011, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppaea

Only because he is a cissy and had a shot of Valium! First of all I had to take my second partage of MovPrep the very morning at 6am and then I did it without the anaesthetics. Best part was, when I actually asked my doc what if I spurt on you? And he said totally cool: Thats the job hazard. And grinned

Firing on all cylinders; giving not a jot at where she was aiming.

That's our girl!

Cheers

orlok · 04-08-2011, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

Spoiler:

orlok · 04-09-2011, 04:12 AM

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,

Spoiler:

Lycoming · 04-11-2011, 02:44 PM

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

" Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home.

" True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately.

" Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

nohmi2 · 04-11-2011, 08:02 PM

And now for the 'Good News' folks!

Spoiler:

Lesson Number Two is in the mail.

Spoiler:

Cheers

kennyc · 04-11-2011, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

And now for the 'Good News' folks!

Spoiler:

Cheers

04-09-2011, 04:12 AM	#2742
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.. Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, Spoiler: "What's for dinner, Zorro?"

04-11-2011, 08:02 PM	#2744
nohmi2 Pensively observing. Posts: 1,758 Karma: 12675456 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: Varied.	And now for the 'Good News' folks! Spoiler: Attachment 69815 Lesson Number Two is in the mail. Spoiler: Attachment 69816 Cheers Last edited by nohmi2; 07-28-2011 at 05:36 AM.

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04-07-2011, 10:54 AM	#2731
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Do you know your rights? Steve does....... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30InB...ature=youtu.be

04-07-2011, 12:04 PM	#2733
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW

04-08-2011, 08:10 AM	#2738
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted." The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect pair God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven." Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a toilet and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me? "Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair."

04-11-2011, 02:44 PM	#2743
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous." "I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home." " Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too." "Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home. " True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately. " Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."