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Old 12-08-2010, 09:50 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
as was said before people LIE - indeed.
but the more they do, the more data they add to the legend the more they have to remember. data is countercheckable. it doesn't work in the long term and is usually not worth the effort to try.
I think you make a good point here. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who will read through a person's past posts (nice alliteration ) to see... well, I don't know, to see if I LIKE them. To see if I like how they respond to others, and what types of conversations they tend to take part in, and to see if their sense of humor appeals to my sense of humor. A frequent poster will usually show his/her true colors eventually.
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Old 12-09-2010, 01:44 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by wvcherrybomb View Post
I hope you don't mind if I throw something out there in this thread.

Would those of you who are married or in a commited relationship consider it cheating if your significant other developed a very personal relationship online?

A few people have posted here about meeting their spouse online. But what if the relationship in question was in addition to a marriage/commitment?
I'm polyamorous enough that the question barely makes sense to me; I have to recast it with a pack of assumptions that are meaningless to my marriage. (Since I wouldn't consider it cheating if my husband developed a very personal relationship offline, I can't see that removing the physical connection would make it more cheating.)

My relationship with my husband is not threatened by either of us having other relationships. Not by other friendships, and not by other loves. We have to negotiate *time*--that's a limited resource that we have to allocate--but we have to work around that for any aspects of our lives that aren't together, like work and hobbies and spending time with the kids.
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Old 12-09-2010, 03:22 AM   #48
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It's true that you never really know the person at the other end of the Internet and I am wary of getting too friendly (ie sharing too much personal info) with people I don't actually know in real life.

But I can't knock social interactions via the Internet too much because that's how me and hubby got together. We actually met at work but due to shyness on both sides, we emailed each other for months and built up a friendship online before he finally asked me out on a date. So it all broke the ice. Perhaps without that, we might have not dared to make a move.

I use Facebook but only for people who I actually know in real life. My neices, on the other hand, brag about having hundreds of friends on facebook but how many of them do they really know in the flesh?

Obviously real friendships can be formed online but real people, ones I can see, are always going to be more important to me.
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Old 12-09-2010, 08:26 AM   #49
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Last edited by montsnmags; 12-09-2010 at 08:37 AM. Reason: Brilliant solution, or stupid problem? Only the abyss knows.
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Old 12-09-2010, 09:27 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wvcherrybomb View Post
Would those of you who are married or in a commited relationship consider it cheating if your significant other developed a very personal relationship online?
Quote:
Originally Posted by wvcherrybomb View Post
Not in a physical sense since I am talking about an online only relationship. But, I still consider it cheating if a certain amount of intimacy is involved.
You can still have one in the physical sense (sort of) online, but I think we would all agree that that would be cheating. As far as the other way I guess it would depend on what you consider to be intimate. Is PMing someone and talking about their day at work, or helping someone rant about something, or hearing all about their aunt Petunia's fruit cake - are those intimate? Are to be intimate does it have to more personal, like discussing someones upcoming gastrointestinal surgery or the large mole they have on the inside of their thigh?

For some people none of those things are too intimate - there are some people that will discuss the most personal things with complete strangers on elevators.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
meeting is something i only regard as a nesessity if the contact reaches - on both sides - an emotional depth that makes the development of a personal relationship possible and probable.
That is if you use it being necessary as the only criteria for meeting someone IRL. On the other hand I'm doing just fine talking in the forums and via PM with people here but it should would be neat to go to KK's house and play with Strider and Arwen, and go the dog park with Pi. Or to go to Oz and see if Marc really does have parties like that. It would be fun to go hang with Poohbear and and protect him from the rest of MR that wants to BBQ him, and many others. None of them necessary, but all them would be if nothing else interesting and could lead to real friendships IRL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfwreck View Post
I'm polyamorous enough that the question barely makes sense to me;
I had to go look up polyamorous to make sure it meant what I though it did
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Old 12-09-2010, 09:52 AM   #51
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I am mentioned in the first post.
I am going to read the topic today or tomorrow.
Very interesting...
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Old 12-09-2010, 10:19 AM   #52
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Deleted.
I'm sorry you deleted it, because it was a good post. Now I will have to write something along the same lines myself
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Old 12-09-2010, 10:24 AM   #53
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I'm sorry you deleted it, because it was a good post. Now I will have to write something along the same lines myself
Did I sleep through ALL the good stuff this morning?
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Old 12-09-2010, 12:48 PM   #54
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While I understand the use of "virtual" and "real" in the terms of this discussion, I would like to acknowledge those people that act with great character whether they are on-line or off-line. A good deed is no less noble just because it is completed utilizing electronic devices. People that treat friends with respect and consideration, despite where or how they met them, are friends worth having.
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Old 12-09-2010, 01:40 PM   #55
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Apparently most, or a large part, of the discussion is around very personal relationship online with a definite romantic tint (as in a lover).
Italic is quotes.

Fine. I had other kind of personal relationships as targets for discussion. Also at least. Personally, I value friendship as the highest form of contact among two individuals. I might even say that lover-beloved relationship is an imperfect form of friendship. I might add that a high friendship could contain a lover-beloved phase/state or not contain it. Or touch it and leave it and touch it again. It all depends so much on actual circumstances, inclinations, needs, tastes, availability, a series of innumerable practical and mental details.

If someone is "married" than everything changes (I actually wrote attached, but that is too vague and it could be misleading about my opinions). I know that I can love (in the sense of lover-beloved) only one other individual at a time, therefore loving more than one person at the same time is impossible for me.

Last edited by beppe; 12-09-2010 at 02:31 PM. Reason: crossing i's and dotting t's.
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Old 12-09-2010, 02:33 PM   #56
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Apparently most, or a large part, of the discussion is around very personal relationship online with a definite romantic tint (as in a lover).
Italic is quotes.
Sorry ... I/we thought that's what the initial question was about.
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Originally Posted by beppe View Post
Fine. I had other kind of personal relationships as targets for discussion. Also at least. Personally, I value friendship as the highest form of contact among two individuals. I might even say that lover-beloved relationship is an imperfect form of friendship. I might add that a high friendship could contain a lover-beloved phase/state or not contain it. Or touch it and leave it and touch it again. It all depends so much on actual circumstances, inclinations, needs, tastes, availability, a series of innumerable practical and mental details.
Now we can discuss this kind of personal relationship!
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Old 12-09-2010, 03:16 PM   #57
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Did I sleep through ALL the good stuff this morning?
I know I did, LOL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ea View Post
I'm sorry you deleted it, because it was a good post. Now I will have to write something along the same lines myself
Please do, Ea, now I'm curious!

To add fuel to the fire, which I try to avoid (so don't ask me why I'm doing it now...). Some of the best friends I have, I met online. And of course, the best person in my life, Chris. But other than romance...Rebarnmom from here has turned into a great local friend for me. I can call her about all sorts of questions, from readers to a vet for the cat. When Toryn was having difficulties and I wasn't up to functioning, she called ME...and made me realize that no, I wasn't alone, that people were concerned, that people here cared what happened, even though it had nothing to do with the forums (I still get teary thinking about it). Meeting badgoodDeb this summer was a highlight, for both Chris and I and for my son, Jay, who still asks about her and Rebarnmom every time he calls.
I too, would love to meet Marc and TL1, Sneaky, HT, Lilac, and so many others here.
I have IRL friends from other places online as well - some completely online, some that were Chris's friends that we've since met IRL, but we live far enough apart that Facebook is our primary means of communication now. But that doesn't negate the friendship, at least not for me and it doesn't seem to for them, either.

On a closing note: I think one of the most insulting things ever said to me was back in Texas. One of my best friends at the time looked at me and said, "You know, if we'd met online, we wouldn't be friends". She meant, because she never trusted anyone she came into contact with online. As if everyone online was a whole class of lepers. While I understood what she meant (which was the standard caution, everyone might be a serial killer type thing), it really made me realize how much she was eventually going to end up missing with that attitude.
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Old 12-09-2010, 03:28 PM   #58
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People who read books (and thus show up here) can't be ALL bad!

Or at least, they start with a few more good points on their tally sheet.
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Old 12-09-2010, 03:30 PM   #59
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People who read books (and thus show up here) can't be ALL bad!

Or at least, they start with a few more good points on their tally sheet.
Agreed.
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Old 12-09-2010, 03:55 PM   #60
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People who read books (and thus show up here) can't be ALL bad!

Or at least, they start with a few more good points on their tally sheet.
Oh, good, theres hope for me.

I'd like to clarify something.........Any post I made in this thread was directed at anyone who is married, trying to establish an inappropriate relationship with someone online, either here or anywhere.

YOU be the judge of whats inappropriate. I have enough problems.

Personally, I like the post that mentioned " Would you be comfortable if your spouse/partner was reading over your shoulder"

Thats the definition for me.

Now.......as to 'friends on the 'net.'. There are several people here I'd would love to meet in person......people I've pm'd or emailed with long enough to develop a sense of trust about.
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