Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 145

ShortNCuddlyAm · 12-02-2010, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Xena: Warrior Physicist

"Xena, it's another mad god!"

"Oh, good! Fire up the Hadron Collider, Gabrielle! The math says it should be able to turn this bozo inside out. Time for an experiment!"

"I'm on it!"

______
Dennis

That I would love to see!

WT Sharpe · 12-02-2010, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

No, no, that's CERN, you've confused the two again BOb!

BLACK HOLES ARE COMING! BLACK HOLES ARE COMING! Run for the hills!

WT Sharpe · 12-02-2010, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Bad Parenting

Stitchawl

That is just sad! I hope the photographer helped them out.

DMcCunney · 12-02-2010, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

BLACK HOLES ARE COMING! BLACK HOLES ARE COMING! Run for the hills!

"The black holes are moving in. There goes the neighborhood!"
______
Dennis

Lycoming · 12-02-2010, 02:49 PM

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

badgoodDeb · 12-02-2010, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Quote:

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

17 and a half. One has to be left inside the box.

WT Sharpe · 12-02-2010, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

Stitchawl · 12-02-2010, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

That is just sad! I hope the photographer helped them out.

If it was New York City, the alligators got to them first.

(I wonder if that is really true about the gators?)

Stitchawl

wodin · 12-02-2010, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by montsnmags

No, to make "fries" you throw potatoes in a nuclear reactor: fission chips.

I'm of the considered opinion that the only place to get decent fission chips is over Am's way. And the only way to properly package them is in the London Times fishwrapper.

And the Brits don't even have a particle accelerator worth mentioning.

DMcCunney · 12-02-2010, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

If it was New York City, the alligators got to them first.

(I wonder if that is really true about the gators?)

Not that I'm aware of. The full legend is that the gators live on the rats (which the sewers and subways have in plenty), and the rats get eaten because they are too stoned on the white marijuana growing in the sewers as a result of paranoid potheads flushing their stash down the toilets when they think the cops are at the door.

The last I knew, the city gift shop, a block or so from City Hall, had a sweatshirt with a cartoon drawing of an alligator wearing sunglasses looking out from a sewer manhole, and the guy who ran the shop was complaining he couldn't keep it in stock.

Of course, some folks find the rats a challenge. Some years back, there was work under the street in my area, and I overheard one of the workers yelling "I ain't goin' down in the <bleeping> hole! There's <bleeping> rats down there! You go down in the mutha-<bleeping> hole!"

And coming back from a visit to a friend on the subway, I encountered a subway station where someone had scrawled "Deaf rats can't hear you scream" on an electrical junction box. (The rats living in the subway are supposedly deaf from exposure to the racket made by the subway cars.)
______
Dennis

kennyc · 12-02-2010, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

If it was New York City, the alligators got to them first.

(I wonder if that is really true about the gators?)

Stitchawl

It was on the internet, it has to be true!

Stitchawl · 12-02-2010, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

It was on the internet, it has to be true!

So I guess I really AM going to get the $15,000,000 from that guy's wife in Nigeria! Way cool!

Stitchawl

kennyc · 12-02-2010, 09:07 PM

Yep. Go ahead and send me my half now.

Lycoming · 12-03-2010, 11:33 AM

A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week.. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed.

The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up they invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game.

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned... "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth.

When I got married in college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late!

Stitchawl · 12-03-2010, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Yep. Go ahead and send me my half now.

O.K., I can do that. I'll just need your account number and password so I can transfer the funds....

Stitchawl

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12-02-2010, 02:49 PM	#2165
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe. Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

12-02-2010, 09:07 PM	#2173
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,909 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Yep. Go ahead and send me my half now.

12-03-2010, 11:33 AM	#2174
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him. A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 am. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week.. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up they invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game. The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge. Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned... "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married in college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed. The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up in the air?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late!