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#2041 |
Capt Chaos II
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Karma: 33043007
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Cornwall, UK
Device: iPad2
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#2042 |
Enthusiast
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Karma: 540
Join Date: Dec 2009
Device: PRS-300
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' |
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#2043 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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#2044 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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One for Hunting Season:
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are about 1.59 a bag Deer nuts are under a buck. |
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#2045 |
Capt Chaos II
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 483
Karma: 33043007
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Cornwall, UK
Device: iPad2
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![]() Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shtt out of him. |
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#2046 | |
Opsimath
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Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
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Quote:
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#2047 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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What Confucious Really Said ...
... naked man fear no pickpocket. ... squirrel who run up woman’s leg, not find nuts. ... support bacteria! is only culture some people have. ... man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money. ... man with athletic finger, make broad jump. ... man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons. ... even greatest of whales, helpless in desert. ... wash face in morning, neck at night. ... he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses. ... cow with no legs, ground beef |
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#2048 |
Opsimath
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Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
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#2049 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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#2050 |
Addict
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Karma: 1208646
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Device: K3, PW
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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is
sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Spoiler:
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#2051 | |
Opsimath
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Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
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Quote:
Stitchawl |
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#2052 | |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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Karma: 315160596
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Norfolk, England
Device: Kindle Oasis
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Quote:
Spoiler:
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#2053 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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Newton's law says you are okay.
Spoiler:
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#2054 |
Reborn Paper User
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Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
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#2055 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Karma: 119230421
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire
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Best Newspaper Headlines of 1998
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 2. Something Went Wrong in Jet crash, Experts Say 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus? 7. Would-be Women Priests Appeal to Pope 8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead 12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 15. Stolen Painting Found By Tree 16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line 17. War Dims Hope for Peace 18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 20. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge 21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Large Test Group 22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space 23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead |
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