Unutterably Silly The Case of the Rock and the Red, Decision at Dawn

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Fridays have become my nemesis lately. I will try to get Rock's next segment up this weekend.

Originally Posted by dreams

Yay! Thank you! We understand, we've all been there, busy lives, work seems to get in the way of fun, family and chores seem to want attention, no hurry, we aren't impatient..

Dang!! And now that he'd dead (again) we'll never see the next installment.

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by dsvick

Dang!! And now that he'd dead (again) we'll never see the next installment.

He can use a Ouija board to finish!

[Rock Lobster]

Red has a certain way of putting things. Like one right between the eyes if you "look at him funny." So I don't try to argue much. He's an okay Joe, for the most part.

Little Juan, who outweighed his moniker by a good two hundred pounds, started swearing at us in Spanish. Now, I don't speak Spanish much, but I am fluent in swearing. I walked over to him and helped him sit up straight. He only lost a bit of hair, so I don't know what he was whining about.

"That's an interesting way of doing that," said Red.

"Well, there's glue all over the chair and his clothes, so the scalp was the only way to haul him up. Now what is this about VivaldiRules? Even though my colleague here has what will no doubt amount to a fiendishly clever plan, I like to have the facts straight before I go off half cocked."

"What more facts do you need, gringo? We have him. If you want him, you pay us. That's a fact!"

"Well, I guess he has us there, Red. Check your pockets and see if you have that sort of chump change on you."

"You know I don't and I know for dang sure you don't. Now how about that offer?"

"I guess it would be better for both our cash flows to squirrel our little friend away for a few days. You got a deal. Now what is it you need me to do, other than make arrangements for my cousin Sue to come in every now and then to feed and water little Petunia, here?"

"I thought all your cousins were males."

"They are. Sue's got 'issues.' We don't talk about it much." Not So Little Juan's face dropped as his clever plan of overwhelming some skirt and making his escape shattered in pieces around his ankles.

"Here's a pair of work gloves, Lobster. Grab an arm and we'll get him down the hallway."

As we labored to drag the tough guy to my office, the cat jumped up on his lap and stared at him with malice aforethought.

"We just leave him glued to the chair?"

"Naw. I like that chair to much to think of what would eventually happen to it. We'll strip him out of it and leave him hogtied nekkid. Cuts down on the likelihood of escape."

"I think you should leave the cat on guard. It seems to have taken a liking to him."

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

He can use a Ouija board to finish!

Originally Posted by Rock Lobster

Red has a certain way of putting things. ...

Well that was sort of spooky timing.

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by dsvick

Well that was sort of spooky timing.

Cue the theremin music!

[dreams]

Originally Posted by Rock Lobster

<snip>

"I think you should leave the cat on guard. It seems to have taken a liking to him."

[GeoffC]

Sue ?

Petunia .... !

[Greg Anos]

After leaving Little Juan bound in a corner of Rock’s office, we went back to my office. I got on the blower real quick.

I got through to the palace operator, while I got out my little black book.

“Howdy, this is Red. Password ‘Fried pineapple’. Patch me through to the Officer of the Day.”;

In less than a minute, I got a French accented voice asking “Burr oak and tinsel?”;

I replied “Lizard bait.”;

“Please set up for scramble.”;

I reached into the desk drawer and flipped a switch. “On.” I said.

“Good Morning, Monsieur Red. What causes the need for such a password this morning?”;

“A high level diplomatic flap is in progress, concerning Pinwheel. I am first on the target, and am reportin’ directly. Not to insult you position, but this is highly confidential, and time sensitive. Can you please pass the word to the football carrier that Her Majesty must contact Red as soon as possible. Important lives may be on the line.”;

Rock, who was listening at my end of the conversation, muttered. “All lives are important.”;

I ignored him. “I’ll leave the line on here so you can patch Her through when she is available.”;

Rock was eyeing me. “I didn’t realize you were a high ranking spy.”;

“High ranking, my eye. I bathe every day. Besides I’m not a spy. I don’t sell U.S. secrets to Pinwheel or Pinwheel secrets to the U.S. I’m a fancy diplomat.”;

“Lord help us!”;

“Well, there ain’t any wars so far and I get paid, unlike some people in the room.”;

About then, Queen Zelda gets on the line. “I interrupted my bath for this, It’d better be good..”

[badgoodDeb]

Oh dear! Zee's in that bathtub again! But VR is in trouble, & we need to get cracking.

[dsvick]

Yes, let's save VR, regardless of how many times Zelda has to get out of the tub!

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

It's about time she had a phone installed the royal bathroom, that way she could take the call and her bath at the same time.

(And no, I'm NOT suggesting video phones )

[Rock Lobster]

Red never stops amazing me. I had no idea you could make a phone do things like that. He hung up and turned to me.

"Well, Rock, old pal, looks like you're goin' to get real busy real fast. I need you to track down the kidnappers so we can stage a rescue that would make the Third Army proud."

"I'm sure their mothers would agree," I said. Sometimes living in this temporally displaced office building can lead to confusion. As far as I knew, there was only one Army and the Marine Corps. Maybe he was referring to the Navy. Being from Deepinnahearta, Texas, he may have never seen the ocean. "Where does this not so Little Juan hang out?"

"His uncle has a place in Riverside. That's where I usually go when I want to discuss things with him."

Riverside. Wonderful. In my day, it was a quiet town with a bank, a bar, and a church. In the current time line that Red worked in, it was a sprawling "suburb" with fast food joints, and hardware superstores scattered around like cards after Harry the Hook tries to shuffle them.

"Not for nothing, but what is a noir detective like me going to do in Riverside? There's not a dark alleyway to be found anywhere near there. And don't get me started on jogging housewives."

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, Rock." Red seemed distracted.

"What are you going to be doing in the meantime?"

"Ummm... Stuff. Best you don't know about it in advance. I'll give you a jingle when I have anything for you." He pressed a thing the size of a woman's compact into my palm, along with a wad of Franklins and his business card with some numbers written on the back. Then he turned and acted like he was busy observing the keyboard of his fancy pants phone.

Taking cue to exit stage right, I walked out into the hallway. At least Turcic was going to be happy about the rent for a while, so I could leave by the front door. Riverside. I was going to have to borrow my cousin's flivver again.

[Greg Anos]

Well, this time around I didn't need to call Bubba to get the low down on the players. it wasn't Harry the Hook, it was Harry the Horse. I figgered a old time noir detective would twig on the name, but I guessed wrong. I had to get him out of the office before he realized his role was that of a goat at a tiger stakeout...

After he left, I called the one person I knew with the right connections and the wrong people wouldn't be asking why the questions were being asked.

One ring-a-dingy...Two ring-a-dingy..."Who are you and why are you calling?"

"Hi, BadGoodDeb. This here's Red. Can I pay you for a little conversation?"

"Oooh! Money! Got somebody for me to convince?"

"Not this time. I need for you to inquire among the wiseguys in town why Harry the Horse is gettin' busy in retirement."

"Isn't he an old Brooklyn guy?"

"Yep, and he's stickin' his nose around my office. I'd like to know if the Chicago boys are having any trouble with him up there. As you know, Chi-town and New York have swapped "workers" back and forth since Big Al's day."

"Usual rates?"

"Sure. If your contacts need any details, tell 'em it's a snatch deal."

"O.K. Boss. Get back to you soonest."

I hung up. Now for the less pleasant work.


I let myself into Rock's office. Little Juan was still tied up like a Christmas turkey.

The art of interrogation isn't pain, it's fear. It's hard to calibrate fear when you don't know your interrogatee. Rock would be a liability for this discussion, so I didn't mention it to him before he left. The most important asset an interrogator has it that the interrogatee thinks that the interrogator will do anything that strikes his fancy.

"Howdy, Juan. Learn the ropes yet?"

Juan glared at me. "You'll never get away with this."

"You may be right. A more pertinent question is, will you get away ever?" I gave him my best smile.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Now, Juan, you know I'm a polite fellow. You ought to know how the code goes. You put one of mine in the hospital, I put two of yours in the morgue. You seem to be one of the two. My decision is whether I should give you a quiet ticket or let Sue spend the night with you. I kinda feel sorry for Sue..."

I had guessed right. Juan turned pale and green at the same time. "You wouldn't!"

I shrugged, "Why not? I’ll feed you to the 'gators down at Choke Canyon afterwards, who'll know you were even here? Rock? He won't care." Now for the delicate part. "After all, you don't know anything about the dognapping details anyway. You're just a soldier who's lucks run out."

"I know a lot more that you think!"

'I doubt it. You're just lying to try to save your skin." I got up to go, while using my body to shield my flipping on the hidden recorder.

"Please listen!." and he spilled his guts about the caper.

When he wound down, I said, "This is undoubtedly a pack of lies, but I'll give you 4 hours while I check some of it out. If it is a pack of lies, Sue can have a lost weekend here. See ya later, Juan."

I went back to my office and had a belt from the Guest Bottle. I hate interrogations. But I had to get information on their plans for VR. I looked at my watch. The FBI should be getting here in about half an hour. They could pick up Juan without me.

I wrote out a note and called Rock on the cell phone I had handed him.

[GeoffC]

"Please listen!." and he spilled his guts about the caper.

that would have made a mess on the caper ...

what!


wait -


my glasses my good man,

my glasses -




i'm sure it said the carpet

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

that would have made a mess on the caper ...

what!


wait -


my glasses my good man,

my glasses -




i'm sure it said the carpet

I seem to have missed the part where it said there was a caper on the floor for him to have spilled his guts around....