Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 128

yvanleterrible · 10-24-2010, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lene1949

I liked that one...

Too close to reality...

MickeyC · 10-24-2010, 08:51 AM

An engineer is walking through the park when he spots another engineer he knows riding a really nice bike.

"Hey, where's you get that gorgeous bike?", he asks

"Well", replies the other engineer, "I was sitting in the park on a bench when this beautiful blonde rides up to me on the bike, dismounts, lays it down then strips off all her clothes, looks right at me and says 'Take whatever you want!'

"Ah", says the other engineer, "so you took the bike. Good move, cause those clothes would have never fit!"

kennyc · 10-24-2010, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cassidym

An engineer is walking through the park when he spots another engineer he knows riding a really nice bike.

"Hey, where's you get that gorgeous bike?", he asks

"Well", replies the other engineer, "I was sitting in the park on a bench when this beautiful blonde rides up to me on the bike, dismounts, lays it down then strips off all her clothes, looks right at me and says 'Take whatever you want!'

"Ah", says the other engineer, "so you took the bike. Good move, cause those clothes would have never fit!"

Nexutix · 10-24-2010, 08:50 PM

A boy came running to kitchen.

Boy: Dad, there is an ugly monster at the door.
Dad (Looking at his wife): Tel him we have already got one!

lene1949 · 10-25-2010, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Too close to reality...

Yeah... my dog farts a lot, and doesn't do any housework...

Javed · 10-26-2010, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cassidym

An engineer is walking through the park when he spots another engineer he knows riding a really nice bike.

"Hey, where's you get that gorgeous bike?", he asks

"Well", replies the other engineer, "I was sitting in the park on a bench when this beautiful blonde rides up to me on the bike, dismounts, lays it down then strips off all her clothes, looks right at me and says 'Take whatever you want!'

"Ah", says the other engineer, "so you took the bike. Good move, cause those clothes would have never fit!"

Nexutix · 10-26-2010, 09:21 AM

The story of someone getting a haircut.

Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

Lycoming · 10-27-2010, 02:30 PM

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be the Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'

Lycoming · 10-28-2010, 07:39 AM

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “ Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Bikes, Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls. ”

kennyc · 10-28-2010, 08:09 AM

Ha!

.

Stitchawl · 10-28-2010, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “ Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Bikes, Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls. ”

Now THAT is too close for comfort!

But... Barbie doesn't come with Ken. She comes with G.I. Joe. She only fakes it with Ken.

Stitchawl

CyGuy · 10-28-2010, 10:31 AM

Hope this one is not a repeat:

The Sneeze
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet
again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even
more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,
'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose
and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded, 'Pepper.'

kennyc · 10-28-2010, 10:46 AM

Pepper!

Lycoming · 10-28-2010, 12:23 PM

BUT, does it make your toes curl?

lene1949 · 10-29-2010, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Hope this one is not a repeat:

The Sneeze
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet
again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even
more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,
'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose
and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded, 'Pepper.'

Even if it is a repeat, most of us would have forgotten by now...

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10-24-2010, 08:51 AM	#1907
MickeyC Grand Sorcerer Posts: 16,731 Karma: 12185114 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Florida Device: iPhone 6 plus, Sony T1, iPad 3	An engineer is walking through the park when he spots another engineer he knows riding a really nice bike. "Hey, where's you get that gorgeous bike?", he asks "Well", replies the other engineer, "I was sitting in the park on a bench when this beautiful blonde rides up to me on the bike, dismounts, lays it down then strips off all her clothes, looks right at me and says 'Take whatever you want!' "Ah", says the other engineer, "so you took the bike. Good move, cause those clothes would have never fit!"

10-24-2010, 08:50 PM	#1909
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	A boy came running to kitchen. Boy: Dad, there is an ugly monster at the door. Dad (Looking at his wife): Tel him we have already got one!

10-26-2010, 09:21 AM	#1912
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	The story of someone getting a haircut. Women's version: Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Men's version:Man2: Haircut? Man1: Yeah.

10-27-2010, 02:30 PM	#1913
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be the Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair? The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'

10-28-2010, 07:39 AM	#1914
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?' The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “ Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Bikes, Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls. ”

10-28-2010, 08:09 AM	#1915
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,909 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Ha! .

10-28-2010, 10:31 AM	#1917
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	Hope this one is not a repeat: The Sneeze A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?' 'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.' The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?' The woman nodded, 'Pepper.'

10-28-2010, 10:46 AM	#1918
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,909 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Pepper!

10-28-2010, 12:23 PM	#1919
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	BUT, does it make your toes curl?