Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 125

kennyc · 10-13-2010, 07:43 AM

So is a smart cookie one with a data connection?

WT Sharpe · 10-13-2010, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falcao

Beware of humans

Truest warning sign ever!!!

pdurrant · 10-13-2010, 10:42 AM

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life .... is when you have to murder a loved one, because they're the Devil...

.

.

.

other than that, though...

.

.

.

... it's been a good day.

—Emo Philips.

SameOldStory · 10-13-2010, 03:41 PM

Which is the REAL KennyC

or

poohbear_nc · 10-13-2010, 03:58 PM

I vote for #3!

SameOldStory · 10-13-2010, 05:09 PM

Beer, anyone?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry

[I recommend]...bread, meat, vegetables and beer.
Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet

Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.
Homer Simpson My favorite

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
Shakespeare, Henry V

Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.
Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.
Martin Luther

Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.
Bruce Carlton

No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
David Daye

He was a wise man who invented beer.
Plato

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Wilhelm

Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.
Whitstran Brewery sign

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke

kennyc · 10-13-2010, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SameOldStory

Which is the REAL KennyC

or

Dude, I'm hurt, crying....

I think I'm with the chicken though if I have to choose.

Wait...I just noticed the bottle of Jack in the first one....hmmm.....

SameOldStory · 10-13-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

NRA members. That's what I display proudly on my front window.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Dude, I'm hurt, crying....

Not in the last one.

lene1949 · 10-14-2010, 12:22 AM

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Paddy said, "I gonna do that when I win lottery." "What's dat," says his mate.

"Send me lawn away to be cut."

Lycoming · 10-14-2010, 03:18 PM

Kenny those white sleeveless tops really don't suit you.

kennyc · 10-14-2010, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Kenny those white sleeveless tops really don't suit you.

Yea, but check out that woman of mine....girls with guns so turn me on!

Falcao · 10-14-2010, 03:30 PM

SameOldStory · 10-15-2010, 12:01 AM

That's what I want. A girl with class.

Lycoming · 10-15-2010, 11:14 AM

Three ministers and their wives waited at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter shook his head sadly at the first couple and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny!"

St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went.

Then came the second couple. "Sorry. Can't let you in either," said St. Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

Down the chute went the second minister and his wife.

The third minister turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It ain't looking good, Fanny."

Falcao · 10-15-2010, 08:10 PM

10-13-2010, 03:41 PM	#1864
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	Which is the REAL KennyC or or

10-15-2010, 08:10 PM	#1875
Falcao Banned Posts: 1,344 Karma: 1028477047 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Nueva Andalucía Device: Sony PRS 650	Among Scots

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10-13-2010, 07:43 AM	#1861
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,915 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	So is a smart cookie one with a data connection?

10-13-2010, 10:42 AM	#1863
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,064 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Probably the toughest time in anyone's life .... is when you have to murder a loved one, because they're the Devil... . . . other than that, though... . . . ... it's been a good day. —Emo Philips.

10-13-2010, 03:58 PM	#1865
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,608 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	I vote for #3!

10-13-2010, 05:09 PM	#1866
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	Beer, anyone? 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Stephen Wright Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. Dave Barry [I recommend]...bread, meat, vegetables and beer. Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer. Homer Simpson My favorite Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. Shakespeare, Henry V Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop. Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944 We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old. Martin Luther Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods. Bruce Carlton No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer. John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. David Daye He was a wise man who invented beer. Plato Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. Kaiser Wilhelm Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink. Whitstran Brewery sign "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " Frank Sinatra "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Henny Youngman "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" Brian O'Rourke

10-14-2010, 12:22 AM	#1869
lene1949 Wizard Posts: 1,952 Karma: 213930 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Middelfart, Denmark Device: Kindle paper white	Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Paddy said, "I gonna do that when I win lottery." "What's dat," says his mate. "Send me lawn away to be cut."

10-14-2010, 03:18 PM	#1870
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Kenny those white sleeveless tops really don't suit you.

10-14-2010, 03:30 PM	#1872
Falcao Banned Posts: 1,344 Karma: 1028477047 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Nueva Andalucía Device: Sony PRS 650

10-15-2010, 12:01 AM	#1873
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	That's what I want. A girl with class.

10-15-2010, 11:14 AM	#1874
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Three ministers and their wives waited at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter shook his head sadly at the first couple and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny!" St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went. Then came the second couple. "Sorry. Can't let you in either," said St. Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" Down the chute went the second minister and his wife. The third minister turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It ain't looking good, Fanny."