Living with an Author; The life of the other half. - Page 2

jamesread · 09-23-2010, 10:16 PM

But you said you're not an author though...

Anyway, I respect your privacy... So can you Private Message me instead?

neilmarr · 09-24-2010, 03:54 AM

Quite honestly, I think James' question is very much on topic when discussing the ups and downs of living with an author (though I strongly suspect Paul's reply was made very much tongue-in-cheek).

I have known authors, for instance, who tell me they avoid using passionate love scenes for fear of jealousy on the part of their partners, who -- if the writing is as good as it should be -- might feel a torrid scene is written from experience rather than imagination.

It would be interesting to hear from those who share life with an author if this inhibiting fear of misunderstanding is at all justified.

Similar questions are often asked of those who live with actors who play out fictional romance on screen and songwriters whose titles are in praise or lament of a girl with a given name -- is the girl in the song an old flame that has never been extinguished?

In my case -- as an editor rather than author these days -- I have no problem with my own wife, Skovia. Apart from the fact that I think there are no secrets about our past lives, she realises when I'm recrafting a scene or romantic dialogue that it's a professional thing and that the experience I'm helping describe is inspired by the imagination of another rather than by direct personal experience.

On the more less specific theme of coping with general author temperament, again a partner must ask why his/her reaction is as it is, as well as defining the perceived difficulty itself.

This, I think, is one of those worm cans well worth opening.

Cheers. Neil

MrPLD · 09-24-2010, 05:51 AM

Neil,

While the core concept of the question is valid, I personally felt that the style was crass. Quite often, as authors well know, what matters tremendously is how you convey things.

Paul.

MrPLD · 09-25-2010, 02:45 AM

Okay, now that the storm has blown over, I think we can continue on with the discussion.

Now, regarding the whole fantasy/jealousy aspect as raised - I personally don't have any problems with it. Maybe some do, maybe others don't but for what ever reason it doesn't "get" to me.

Paul.

M T McGuire · 09-25-2010, 09:45 AM

As an author, the jealousey thing intrigues me. To be honest I suspect the main problem my spouse has would be logistical.

I'm a full-time parent of a two year old. That leaves no time for reading books and precious little time for writing. I write because I have to so if I don't get to write enough, or am too knackerd to be able to squeeze anything meaningful from my imagination during the few minutes I have I can get pretty ratty.

If I do write and it's going well but I don't have enough time to get everything in my head typed up I can get pretty ratty.

When I am engaged with a project, it's like watching a really good TV programme, I want silence and any disturbance is a menace, ask me an inoffensive question and... yep, you guessed it... I can get pretty ratty.

Since I am engaged with a project of some sort most of the time I am also markedly disengaged with the real world. Luckily, my spouse deals with scientists at work, the kind of people who invent say, a cure for cancer, in their garden shed but have difficulty applying themselves to reality long enough to successfully boil an egg. So, at least I'm not unfamiliar territory... then again, if I was I'd probably be single. So back to the point (sorry).

From where I'm standing it goes like this. When I write about say, characters who are in love, I definitely get a bit pie-eyed over it all but not because of who they are but because I project their situation onto the relationship with my partner. So, if they're meeting and falling in love I relive that experience in my own life which often results in me examining what, in my partner, makes me love them and... well... falling in love all over again. That, in turn, usually results in a rise in... hmm how can I put it? Nocturnal activity? Yep, that'll do. So um... no need for jealousey writer spouse people, you are the winners in this process.

Cheers

MTM

GeoffC · 09-25-2010, 11:02 AM

So Paul, you have your own story to tell; why not do it ?

desertgrandma · 09-25-2010, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrPLD

Okay, now that the storm has blown over, I think we can continue on with the discussion.

Now, regarding the whole fantasy/jealousy aspect as raised - I personally don't have any problems with it. Maybe some do, maybe others don't but for what ever reason it doesn't "get" to me.

Paul.

Well, that could be due to the fact she writes truly romantic scenes without the descriptive sex found in so many novels today.

GeoffC · 09-25-2010, 11:16 AM

what jealousy are we referring to here ?

that from the fact all the attention is on writing; or on the contents of the storyline? - the content of discussion appears to have been muddied somewhat in recent posts.

MrPLD · 09-25-2010, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeoffC

So Paul, you have your own story to tell; why not do it ?

In this case I don't really have an amazing story, things are quite fantastic with my wife-author. I was more putting this up as an interesting thread to compare how the career as a writer/author is managed amongst couples.

Paul.

MrPLD · 09-25-2010, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

Well, that could be due to the fact she writes truly romantic scenes without the descriptive sex found in so many novels today.

Oooooooh, knowing what I know about some of her current "in draft" books, that'll change a bit - okay to be fair I think she's writing them more as an exploration into human psychology in extreme circumstances. However I'll have to wait until I get my hands on it fully for typesetting

GraceKrispy · 09-25-2010, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M T McGuire

From where I'm standing it goes like this. When I write about say, characters who are in love, I definitely get a bit pie-eyed over it all but not because of who they are but because I project their situation onto the relationship with my partner. So, if they're meeting and falling in love I relive that experience in my own life which often results in me examining what, in my partner, makes me love them and... well... falling in love all over again. That, in turn, usually results in a rise in... hmm how can I put it? Nocturnal activity?

I do this when I read. I think this is why my husband hates when I read books about cheating spouses (I give him stink-eye) and wishes I read more erotic fiction (I really don't). Too bad I read way more stories about cheating men....

MrPLD · 10-03-2010, 08:05 AM

Well, it was a tad of a rough weekend. Elita's eyes were going blurry on her, she was suffering writers-block and lack of sleep.

To fix up the eyes I swapped her 20" LCD out for my 24" 1920x1200 DELL and now she's better there (I should have done that years ago since she now spends more time in front of the PC than I do - my time is more in front of a pile of tiny electronics components that I have to pick and place using a vacuum pencil

).

The weather here is also getting ugly, hot and humid, which brings out the worst in everyone - "going troppo" or "mango madness" as they call it.

Paul.

( On the GOOD side, we got our Kindle3 and we both love it - but I might get a DX eventually for my technical PDF docs )

neilmarr · 10-03-2010, 01:33 PM

Everyone has a story, Paul. And most worth the telling are worth hearing. MTM. You make good points ... as an aside, my son, who helped kick off our own wee publishing house ten years ago has moved from his old home base in Munich to -- of all places -- Bury-St-Edmunds. Not a lot of folks do that you know. Maybe you'll bump into each other. It ain't the biggest city on Planet Earth. The name's Alex (Sandy) Marr. If you do get togerther, send me the beer tab. Bestest. Neil

M T McGuire · 10-04-2010, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neilmarr

Everyone has a story, Paul. And most worth the telling are worth hearing. MTM. You make good points ... as an aside, my son, who helped kick off our own wee publishing house ten years ago has moved from his old home base in Munich to -- of all places -- Bury-St-Edmunds. Not a lot of folks do that you know. Maybe you'll bump into each other. It ain't the biggest city on Planet Earth. The name's Alex (Sandy) Marr. If you do get togerther, send me the beer tab. Bestest. Neil

That's a fluke and a half! Cool, I'll look out for him. Now, with that kilt and all you're going to tell me you live next door to my in-laws in Melrose!

cheers

MTM

neilmarr · 10-05-2010, 04:24 AM

'Fraid I'm quite a way from Melrose these days, MTM. Lived in the south of France for the past 25 years+

The kilt is worn here simply because local lassies believe it's good luck to kiss a chap in a kilt.

I was once mobbed by lady traffic wardens on their way, after work, back to the town hall. Lady traffic wardens here are exclusively knockout beautiful for some reason. It's almost a pleasure to get a parking ticket -- to be kissed and cuddled by a whole bunch of them is an experience not to be missed.

My kilt is available for hire (two beers and a shot o' the good stuff per day) if you're ever in the town of Menton. Slainte. Neil

09-23-2010, 10:16 PM	#16
jamesread Banned Posts: 59 Karma: 22 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: none	But you said you're not an author though... Anyway, I respect your privacy... So can you Private Message me instead? Last edited by jamesread; 09-23-2010 at 10:20 PM. Reason: Let him know I respect his privacy

09-25-2010, 09:45 AM	#20
M T McGuire Addict Posts: 231 Karma: 1006970 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, England Device: kindle	As an author, the jealousey thing intrigues me. To be honest I suspect the main problem my spouse has would be logistical. I'm a full-time parent of a two year old. That leaves no time for reading books and precious little time for writing. I write because I have to so if I don't get to write enough, or am too knackerd to be able to squeeze anything meaningful from my imagination during the few minutes I have I can get pretty ratty. If I do write and it's going well but I don't have enough time to get everything in my head typed up I can get pretty ratty. When I am engaged with a project, it's like watching a really good TV programme, I want silence and any disturbance is a menace, ask me an inoffensive question and... yep, you guessed it... I can get pretty ratty. Since I am engaged with a project of some sort most of the time I am also markedly disengaged with the real world. Luckily, my spouse deals with scientists at work, the kind of people who invent say, a cure for cancer, in their garden shed but have difficulty applying themselves to reality long enough to successfully boil an egg. So, at least I'm not unfamiliar territory... then again, if I was I'd probably be single. So back to the point (sorry). From where I'm standing it goes like this. When I write about say, characters who are in love, I definitely get a bit pie-eyed over it all but not because of who they are but because I project their situation onto the relationship with my partner. So, if they're meeting and falling in love I relive that experience in my own life which often results in me examining what, in my partner, makes me love them and... well... falling in love all over again. That, in turn, usually results in a rise in... hmm how can I put it? Nocturnal activity? Yep, that'll do. So um... no need for jealousey writer spouse people, you are the winners in this process. Cheers MTM Last edited by M T McGuire; 09-25-2010 at 09:48 AM. Reason: missed a bit

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Get to Know-an Author with Noahan Author Interview series!	NoahMGillman	Self-Promotions by Authors and Publishers	22	12-19-2010 09:45 PM
What do you do for a living?	GlenBarrington	Lounge	293	08-31-2010 12:57 PM
The 50 best author vs. author put-downs of all time	Madam Broshkina	Lounge	4	05-03-2010 05:13 AM
Is it possible to use a Kindle while living outside the U.S.?	dschiller	Amazon Kindle	38	08-01-2009 02:42 PM
half of my screen is blank and the other half is stuck in the USB condition.	modsoul	Sony Reader	1	11-04-2007 10:03 AM

09-24-2010, 03:54 AM	#17
neilmarr neilmarr Posts: 7,215 Karma: 6000059 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Monaco-Menton, France Device: sony	Quite honestly, I think James' question is very much on topic when discussing the ups and downs of living with an author (though I strongly suspect Paul's reply was made very much tongue-in-cheek). I have known authors, for instance, who tell me they avoid using passionate love scenes for fear of jealousy on the part of their partners, who -- if the writing is as good as it should be -- might feel a torrid scene is written from experience rather than imagination. It would be interesting to hear from those who share life with an author if this inhibiting fear of misunderstanding is at all justified. Similar questions are often asked of those who live with actors who play out fictional romance on screen and songwriters whose titles are in praise or lament of a girl with a given name -- is the girl in the song an old flame that has never been extinguished? In my case -- as an editor rather than author these days -- I have no problem with my own wife, Skovia. Apart from the fact that I think there are no secrets about our past lives, she realises when I'm recrafting a scene or romantic dialogue that it's a professional thing and that the experience I'm helping describe is inspired by the imagination of another rather than by direct personal experience. On the more less specific theme of coping with general author temperament, again a partner must ask why his/her reaction is as it is, as well as defining the perceived difficulty itself. This, I think, is one of those worm cans well worth opening. Cheers. Neil

09-24-2010, 05:51 AM	#18
MrPLD Author's pet-geek Posts: 933 Karma: 1040670 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Queensland, Australia Device: Kindle 3 Wifi, Onyx Boox M96	Neil, While the core concept of the question is valid, I personally felt that the style was crass. Quite often, as authors well know, what matters tremendously is how you convey things. Paul.

09-25-2010, 02:45 AM	#19
MrPLD Author's pet-geek Posts: 933 Karma: 1040670 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Queensland, Australia Device: Kindle 3 Wifi, Onyx Boox M96	Okay, now that the storm has blown over, I think we can continue on with the discussion. Now, regarding the whole fantasy/jealousy aspect as raised - I personally don't have any problems with it. Maybe some do, maybe others don't but for what ever reason it doesn't "get" to me. Paul.

09-25-2010, 11:02 AM	#21
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	So Paul, you have your own story to tell; why not do it ?

09-25-2010, 11:16 AM	#23
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	what jealousy are we referring to here ? that from the fact all the attention is on writing; or on the contents of the storyline? - the content of discussion appears to have been muddied somewhat in recent posts.

10-03-2010, 08:05 AM	#27
MrPLD Author's pet-geek Posts: 933 Karma: 1040670 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Queensland, Australia Device: Kindle 3 Wifi, Onyx Boox M96	Well, it was a tad of a rough weekend. Elita's eyes were going blurry on her, she was suffering writers-block and lack of sleep. To fix up the eyes I swapped her 20" LCD out for my 24" 1920x1200 DELL and now she's better there (I should have done that years ago since she now spends more time in front of the PC than I do - my time is more in front of a pile of tiny electronics components that I have to pick and place using a vacuum pencil ). The weather here is also getting ugly, hot and humid, which brings out the worst in everyone - "going troppo" or "mango madness" as they call it. Paul. ( On the GOOD side, we got our Kindle3 and we both love it - but I might get a DX eventually for my technical PDF docs )

10-03-2010, 01:33 PM	#28
neilmarr neilmarr Posts: 7,215 Karma: 6000059 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Monaco-Menton, France Device: sony	Everyone has a story, Paul. And most worth the telling are worth hearing. MTM. You make good points ... as an aside, my son, who helped kick off our own wee publishing house ten years ago has moved from his old home base in Munich to -- of all places -- Bury-St-Edmunds. Not a lot of folks do that you know. Maybe you'll bump into each other. It ain't the biggest city on Planet Earth. The name's Alex (Sandy) Marr. If you do get togerther, send me the beer tab. Bestest. Neil

10-05-2010, 04:24 AM	#30
neilmarr neilmarr Posts: 7,215 Karma: 6000059 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Monaco-Menton, France Device: sony	'Fraid I'm quite a way from Melrose these days, MTM. Lived in the south of France for the past 25 years+ The kilt is worn here simply because local lassies believe it's good luck to kiss a chap in a kilt. I was once mobbed by lady traffic wardens on their way, after work, back to the town hall. Lady traffic wardens here are exclusively knockout beautiful for some reason. It's almost a pleasure to get a parking ticket -- to be kissed and cuddled by a whole bunch of them is an experience not to be missed. My kilt is available for hire (two beers and a shot o' the good stuff per day) if you're ever in the town of Menton. Slainte. Neil