Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 118

SameOldStory · 09-29-2010, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

A Silly Poem
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

BOOO HISSSS

nohmi2 · 09-29-2010, 10:33 PM

You're both right.

But in my defense, ''Twas written by Spike Milligan M'lud, to whom we pay obesiance, on account of his having such a luverly way with words M'lud!'

Takes out snotty handkerchief, wipes face, pulls forelock and backs out of door.

Cheers

Fat Abe · 09-30-2010, 12:03 AM

A classic joke from Playboy (July 1990, Sharon Stone issue):

After confessing to the psychiatrist that he had an unusually active sex life with his wife, his mistress and several girlfriends, the sexaholic also admitted to frequent masturbation and wet dreams.

"Which activity gives you the most pleasure?" the shrink asked.

"Wet dreams."

"Why wet dreams?"

"Hell, you meet a much better class of people."

pdurrant · 09-30-2010, 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

But in my defense, ''Twas written by Spike Milligan M'lud, to whom we pay obesiance, on account of his having such a luverly way with words M'lud!'

Can a parrot eat a carrot,
Standing on its head?
If I did that my mum would send me
Straight upstairs to bed!

Lycoming · 09-30-2010, 06:49 AM

I must go down to the sea again
The lonely sea and the sky
I left my vest and socks there
I wonder if they're dry?

Milligan, a great loss to the planet.

Stitchawl · 09-30-2010, 08:38 AM

The cow is of the bovine ilk.
One end is moo, the other is milk.
(Ogden Nash)

Stitchawl

pdurrant · 09-30-2010, 10:51 AM

I am a sundial, and I make a botch
Of what is done far better by a watch.

— Hilaire Belloc

Scott Nielsen · 10-01-2010, 01:14 AM

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued..

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

Wetdogeared · 10-01-2010, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Nielsen

...
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

Just as funny the second time 'round.

pshrynk · 10-01-2010, 09:29 AM

It's been done before, but you gotta read the reviews...

Lycoming · 10-01-2010, 10:20 AM

I've completed two life sentences plus ten years for bad behaviour. No chance of any parole anytime soon.

Scott Nielsen · 10-01-2010, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

Just as funny the second time 'round.

Damn. Going through the entire thread was just too daunting. Sorry Kenny!

LCF · 10-01-2010, 10:57 AM

This just came on the radio (it's a woman speaking):

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radio NRJ

All right people, bla-bla-bla, visit us on facebook, visit our forums, etc. But be careful ladies - if you sit too much in front of the computer, your baby might become computer baby (). I mean... it could age premature.
So, if you don't have a dog, grab your better half and take him for a walk.

At least she didn't say anything about a leash...

kennyc · 10-01-2010, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Nielsen

Damn. Going through the entire thread was just too daunting. Sorry Kenny!

Still funny....

Falcao · 10-01-2010, 03:02 PM

- Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
- Yes, sir. You are a taxi

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09-29-2010, 10:33 PM	#1757
nohmi2 Pensively observing. Posts: 1,758 Karma: 12675456 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: Varied.	You're both right. But in my defense, ''Twas written by Spike Milligan M'lud, to whom we pay obesiance, on account of his having such a luverly way with words M'lud!' Takes out snotty handkerchief, wipes face, pulls forelock and backs out of door. Cheers

09-30-2010, 12:03 AM	#1758
Fat Abe Man Who Stares at Books Posts: 1,826 Karma: 10606722 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: 50th State, USA. Also, PA, NY, CA, and elsewhere. Device: All of the Above	A classic joke from Playboy (July 1990, Sharon Stone issue): After confessing to the psychiatrist that he had an unusually active sex life with his wife, his mistress and several girlfriends, the sexaholic also admitted to frequent masturbation and wet dreams. "Which activity gives you the most pleasure?" the shrink asked. "Wet dreams." "Why wet dreams?" "Hell, you meet a much better class of people."

09-30-2010, 06:49 AM	#1760
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	I must go down to the sea again The lonely sea and the sky I left my vest and socks there I wonder if they're dry? Milligan, a great loss to the planet.

09-30-2010, 08:38 AM	#1761
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	The cow is of the bovine ilk. One end is moo, the other is milk. (Ogden Nash) Stitchawl

09-30-2010, 10:51 AM	#1762
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,066 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	I am a sundial, and I make a botch Of what is done far better by a watch. — Hilaire Belloc

10-01-2010, 01:14 AM	#1763
Scott Nielsen Groupie Posts: 155 Karma: 112134 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Kuala Lumpur Device: iPad, K3, K4, T1	A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

10-01-2010, 09:29 AM	#1765
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	It's been done before, but you gotta read the reviews...

10-01-2010, 10:20 AM	#1766
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	I've completed two life sentences plus ten years for bad behaviour. No chance of any parole anytime soon.

10-01-2010, 03:02 PM	#1770
Falcao Banned Posts: 1,344 Karma: 1028477047 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Nueva Andalucía Device: Sony PRS 650	- Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. - Yes, sir. You are a taxi