Unutterably Silly Enticing Book Covers

[Fat Abe]

As someone who lives half his life in airports and on airplanes, I have formulated my own set of rules for book buying. DO, above all circumstances, judge a book by its cover. The more lurid, enticing, seductive, mysterious, and exciting, the better. This has led to my buying or borrowing some pretty awful books. My significant other says I've wasted half my life reading from the bottom of the trash dump.

I was attracted to this book in an airport kiosk:



Which then caused me to order every paperback in the Hard Case Crime series. Talk about addictions.

Recently, I found this book on FLP.



While researching the book, I came upon this work:



Note the fairly pathetic catch line on the cover, "When there's no time to think, there's more time for love." Man, this must be a pretty bad book. The lady on the cover is beautiful enough to be a femme fatale, but beware the femme banal. Please post some alternative titles. Be sure to include the covers.

[ardeegee]

Here's one.

[dsvick]

On the assumption that the more provocative the cover, the worse the book, I've only ever bought this one - there is also the fact that should I get one of them my wife might have a few words about the cover - hmmm, I've got a reader now....

[Monique]

I'm going to have nightmares over the woman's foot on the Little Girl Lost cover.

[Fat Abe]

Originally Posted by Monique

I'm going to have nightmares over the woman's foot on the Little Girl Lost cover.

When the cover was bid out to the artist, the publisher probably chose the illustrator with the lowest fee. The female character in the book is named Miranda. Let's just say she danced for a living, and the form of dancing was not ballet.

Speaking as a guy, here's what I consider a true nightmare:



Every man's worst fear is a gorgeous woman turning out to be either a guy or something inhuman. Screech.

My good friend, Happy Terd, recommended the next book to me.



Just kidding, HT, but you do seem to write about Zoftik dominatrixes with great frequency.

As a once and future dork, I would like to suggest the following how-to book to my fellow nerds. Trust me, after I read this book, I landed the most beautiful wife in the world.

[kindlekitten]

[QUOTE=Fat Abe;1099271]
My good friend, Happy Terd, recommended the next book to me.

Attachment 57864

Just kidding, HT, but you do seem to write about Zoftik dominatrixes with great frequency.

QUOTE]

zaftig my dear. the word you are looking for is ZAFTIG. trust me on this one.... I know it well

[Fat Abe]

Aargh. You got me KK. I even misspelled the Yiddish version of the word.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...Yiddish_origin

Oy vey. Call me the Kindle Klutz.

[NormHart]

Originally Posted by ardeegee

Here's one.

Oh ardeegee did you see that;

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought

How to Shit in the Woods, Second Edition: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art

and

People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It

Edit: Oops I missed one;

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification.

Sorry, no cover that qualifies but the thought is there.

[ardeegee]

Hm. They also bought Living With Crazy Buttocks (a memoir of an interracial marriage to one of history's most socially embittered Native Americans?) and The Haunted Vagina

The ABEbooks Weird Book Room:

http://www.abebooks.com/books/weird/index.shtml

[GinoXB]

Argeegee LOL!!

[NormHart]

Originally Posted by ardeegee

Hm. They also bought Living With Crazy Buttocks (a memoir of an interracial marriage to one of history's most socially embittered Native Americans?) and The Haunted Vagina

Medical books? I can't say that I find that very 'Enticing' but we dirgress and are totaly uncovered.

[Fat Abe]

Here is an interesting example of how the cover of a book evolved from plain (ebook) to BOLD (pbook):







The author, Noire, is part of the new wave of Blaxploitation writers. Before Chapter 1, the novel sucks the reader in with a provocative question:

In the beginning …

Have you ever laid down with a man and wasn't sure if you'd ever get back up? Tossed the sheets with a bone-knocking fear that only a cold-blooded hustler could produce? Sexed him like your life depended on it, because, in reality, it did? You still with me? Then let's roll over to my house. Harlem. 145th Street. Music and madness. Dollars and deals. Step inside the hottest recording studio on the East Coast while I put you up on what's real. Grab a seat and brace yourself as I show you the kind of pain that street life and so-called success can bring. My name is Candy Raye Montana. I lost my dreams in the House of Homicide. The house that Hurricane built.

Well, no. But I have laid down with such women, in my dreams.

You catch more flies with candy or honey. Amazon rating is 4.5/5 stars. I tink I'll readz dis book. Visit www.asknoire.com for more info-mation. Notice the spelling of the website. It is not spelled axnoire.com, for youse hip-hop readers.

[BenG]

http://www.vintagepbks.com/index.html

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by BenG

http://www.vintagepbks.com/index.html

that red x does it for me EVERY time!!!!

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

that red x does it for me EVERY time!!!!

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