Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 110

kennyc · 08-30-2010, 03:46 PM

That is SOOOOOOO bad!

SameOldStory · 08-30-2010, 04:09 PM

WHY MEN WEAR EARRINGS

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

yvanleterrible · 08-30-2010, 05:08 PM

Hah! I hope for him it wasn't one of those three inch rings...

badgoodDeb · 08-30-2010, 05:21 PM

I'm wondering if he had to do a hurried self-piercing to wear said earring.....

yvanleterrible · 08-30-2010, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I'm wondering if he had to do a hurried self-piercing to wear said earring.....

Do you think the pain would teach him to keep his zipper up?

Some guys are really awful...

Lycoming · 08-31-2010, 12:11 PM

An 80-year-old Hillbilly goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,' how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm a hillbilly and I am a hunter,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape.. I'm up well before daylight and out hunting all day .. I have a beer, and all is well.'

'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?'

'Who said my Father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Hillbilly 'In fact he hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a hillbilly and he's a hunter, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Papaw's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the old Hillbilly

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'

'No, Papaw couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'

SameOldStory · 08-31-2010, 03:15 PM

A hillbilly and 2 indians were walking down a path when they heard Whooo Whooo as that walked by a cave.

One of the indians strips off all his cloths and runs into the cave.

The other indian tells the hillbilly "When one of our women wants a man she goes to a cave and calls out to the first man she sees".

The hillbilly nods his head and they go on down the path.

A little later they hear Whooo Whooo once again as they pass another cave.

The second indian takes his cloths off and runs into the cave.

The hillbilly shakes his head and figures he may as well keep going.

About 2 miles from town he hears Whooo Whooo coming from a big cave nearby.

This time he knows what to do. He takes off all his clothes and runs into the cave.

Headlines the next morning -

Spoiler:

Lycoming · 08-31-2010, 04:41 PM

Not a joke, but linked to the above. Some folk just cannot help themselves. Had they never heard of a timetable? (From the Sunday Telegraph UK) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...eal-thing.html

Man looking for 'ghost train’ killed by the real thing
A man searching for a legendary “ghost train” was killed when a real locomotive came down the tracks and hit him.
Christopher Kaiser, 29, had gathered with around 12 others on the anniversary of a crash that happened near Statesville, North Carolina at 3am on Aug 27, 1891.
The crash 119 years ago saw seven carriages fall off a rail bridge into a ravine and 30 people died.

According to local legend the sounds of the accident, including the whistle of the train and the screams of passengers, can be heard again on the anniversary and each year people go to listen. On the centenary of the crash in 1991 more than 150 people turned up.
Mr Kaiser was waiting on a trestle at 2.45am when the real train, which consisted of three locomotives, came round a bend.
The ghost hunters began running back along the trestle and most of them made it the 150ft to safety.
According to witnesses Mr Kaiser pushed a woman with him to safety.
She fell at least 30ft from the trestle and was being treated for injuries. Another person was also injured.
A police spokesman said: “During the investigation, witnesses told deputies they were at the site in hopes of seeing a 'ghost train.’ “Twelve people, who were amateur ghost hunters, were caught on the trestle when the train rounded the bend. All indications at this point are this is an accident.”

Reminds me somewhat of that old saw about the light at the end of the tunnel being the 3.15 from St Pancras.

Lycoming · 09-01-2010, 12:29 PM

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal, so the Doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God.?'

Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the Doctor says.

A little later in the day, the Doctor calls Jerry's wife.

'Ginger,' he says, 'Jerry is doing fine, but I had to call you, because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off.?'

'OH MY GOD!' Ginger exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again.!!!!'

kennyc · 09-01-2010, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal, so the Doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God.?'

Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the Doctor says.

A little later in the day, the Doctor calls Jerry's wife.

'Ginger,' he says, 'Jerry is doing fine, but I had to call you, because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off.?'

'OH MY GOD!' Ginger exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again.!!!!'

Lycoming · 09-01-2010, 02:46 PM

That prompted me to take the bulb out of our fridge...... just in case you understand.

yvanleterrible · 09-01-2010, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Wasn't that potty humor?

kennyc · 09-01-2010, 05:21 PM

I love it!

WT Sharpe · 09-03-2010, 03:59 PM

.....An indignant lady barged up to the host of a formal dinner party and said, "I will never enter your house again, sir. Your wife has just grossly insulted me."
....."I'm sure there must be some mistake," soothed the host. "What did she say?"
....."She called me a whore."
....."That's just her way," the husband replied. "I have been out of the Army for thirty years and she still calls me colonel."
..........— Steve Allen (1921 – 2000), American comedian, humanist, musician, actor, composer, author. Steve Allen's Private Joke File (2000).

kennyc · 09-03-2010, 06:17 PM

08-31-2010, 03:15 PM	#1642
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	A hillbilly and 2 indians were walking down a path when they heard Whooo Whooo as that walked by a cave. One of the indians strips off all his cloths and runs into the cave. The other indian tells the hillbilly "When one of our women wants a man she goes to a cave and calls out to the first man she sees". The hillbilly nods his head and they go on down the path. A little later they hear Whooo Whooo once again as they pass another cave. The second indian takes his cloths off and runs into the cave. The hillbilly shakes his head and figures he may as well keep going. About 2 miles from town he hears Whooo Whooo coming from a big cave nearby. This time he knows what to do. He takes off all his clothes and runs into the cave. Headlines the next morning - Spoiler: "Naked hillbilly killed by train in tunnel"

08-31-2010, 04:41 PM	#1643
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Not a joke, but linked to the above. Some folk just cannot help themselves. Had they never heard of a timetable? (From the Sunday Telegraph UK) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...eal-thing.html Man looking for 'ghost train’ killed by the real thing A man searching for a legendary “ghost train” was killed when a real locomotive came down the tracks and hit him. Christopher Kaiser, 29, had gathered with around 12 others on the anniversary of a crash that happened near Statesville, North Carolina at 3am on Aug 27, 1891. The crash 119 years ago saw seven carriages fall off a rail bridge into a ravine and 30 people died. According to local legend the sounds of the accident, including the whistle of the train and the screams of passengers, can be heard again on the anniversary and each year people go to listen. On the centenary of the crash in 1991 more than 150 people turned up. Mr Kaiser was waiting on a trestle at 2.45am when the real train, which consisted of three locomotives, came round a bend. The ghost hunters began running back along the trestle and most of them made it the 150ft to safety. According to witnesses Mr Kaiser pushed a woman with him to safety. She fell at least 30ft from the trestle and was being treated for injuries. Another person was also injured. A police spokesman said: “During the investigation, witnesses told deputies they were at the site in hopes of seeing a 'ghost train.’ “Twelve people, who were amateur ghost hunters, were caught on the trestle when the train rounded the bend. All indications at this point are this is an accident.” Reminds me somewhat of that old saw about the light at the end of the tunnel being the 3.15 from St Pancras. Last edited by Lycoming; 08-31-2010 at 04:43 PM.

09-03-2010, 03:59 PM	#1649
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Thanks for clearing up that little misunderstanding! .....An indignant lady barged up to the host of a formal dinner party and said, "I will never enter your house again, sir. Your wife has just grossly insulted me." ....."I'm sure there must be some mistake," soothed the host. "What did she say?" ....."She called me a whore." ....."That's just her way," the husband replied. "I have been out of the Army for thirty years and she still calls me colonel." ..........— Steve Allen (1921 – 2000), American comedian, humanist, musician, actor, composer, author. *Steve Allen's Private Joke File* (2000).

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08-30-2010, 03:46 PM	#1636
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	That is SOOOOOOO bad!

08-30-2010, 04:09 PM	#1637
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	WHY MEN WEAR EARRINGS A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

08-30-2010, 05:08 PM	#1638
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Hah! I hope for him it wasn't one of those three inch rings...

08-30-2010, 05:21 PM	#1639
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,553 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	I'm wondering if he had to do a hurried self-piercing to wear said earring.....

08-31-2010, 12:11 PM	#1641
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	An 80-year-old Hillbilly goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,' how do you stay in such great physical condition?' I'm a hillbilly and I am a hunter,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape.. I'm up well before daylight and out hunting all day .. I have a beer, and all is well.' 'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?' 'Who said my Father's dead?' The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?' 'He's 100 years old,' says the old Hillbilly 'In fact he hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer and that's why he's still alive. He's a hillbilly and he's a hunter, too.' 'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?' 'Who said my Papaw's dead?' Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?' 'He's 118 years old,' says the old Hillbilly The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?' 'No, Papaw couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.' At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?' 'Who said he wanted to?'

09-01-2010, 12:29 PM	#1644
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal, so the Doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God.?' Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off.' 'Wow, that's incredible,' the Doctor says. A little later in the day, the Doctor calls Jerry's wife. 'Ginger,' he says, 'Jerry is doing fine, but I had to call you, because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off.?' 'OH MY GOD!' Ginger exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again.!!!!'

09-01-2010, 02:46 PM	#1646
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	That prompted me to take the bulb out of our fridge...... just in case you understand.

09-01-2010, 05:21 PM	#1648
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	I love it!

09-03-2010, 06:17 PM	#1650
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire