Just ordered a K3 for my friend's wife - Page 2

JeremyZ · 08-17-2010, 11:11 AM

Wow, thanks everyone. Just to clear a few things up:

I didn't do it behind my wife's back. I mentioned it to her, she said: "No." regarding house money. I said: "OK, then I will use my play money." and she said "Fine." So she knows. My friend knows also, as I sent him an email yesterday asking him to warn other people off of this potential gift.
clintbradford - While I appreciate that you're trying to give me advice to help my marriage, I'm not really looking for marital advice here. We have a system that works, so it would not be smart to change it for something that someone else considers right. We are the ones who are married to each other. The house money/play money system works well for a lot of people. I heard it from a 70+ year old man on the GlockTalk forum. It had worked well for him and his wife for decades. She couldn't veto another gun purchase of his, and he can't forbid her from buying another purse or pair of shoes. Plus, there is always money to pay the bills, for home improvement, and for saving. It is a way to keep some individual freedom in the marriage. We each get a certain amount from each paycheck and the rest goes to the house account. Before we did this, we were always fighting over money. She likes to save and only rarely spend hers. I like to spend mine on stuff that makes me happy. I don't need a lot of money in the bank to feel secure. If we didn't do this, we'd be at each other's throats. If you think that is unhealthy, I don't really care. It works for us. We've been happily married for 6 years, and we are happier each year. Everyone should be so unhealthy. Also, it is worth noting that all of our accounts are joint accounts. In an ideal world, spouses would agree on every purchase. But it just doesn't work that way in reality. Something like 90% of all marital disagreements are over money. Best to remove that source of disagreement in a mature way. (whatever is agreed upon and whatever works!)
Regarding the her as a former lover/crush thing, you're sure reaching a lot there. I have known my friend for 21 years, but I have only known his wife since they've been married 4 years ago. I was already happily married, so yes, you are off-base.
I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me. It works the other way around also.
Someone made a good point that I had not considered my friend's feelings. He is pretty self secure, I don't think he will have a problem with it. If he does, he will surely let me know, and I'll cancel the pre-order.
Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason.

babyd · 08-17-2010, 11:40 AM

ah, well that is different. I thought she said no, full stop, if she is happy with you using your own money, then no worries, gift give away in peace

Im sure your friend will be thrilled

clintbradford · 08-17-2010, 11:57 AM

>> ... and she said "Fine." So she knows ...

Change the story on us, eh? You are either fibbing to hide the reality of this ... or you just conveniently forgot to tell us that your wife approved of the deal.

Personally, I have found that one's "original story" usually carries the most honest information. Subsequent "corrections" and "amendments" are usually added to deflect criticism ... or guilt.

>> ... I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me.

A most bizarre take on marriage and respect for one's spouse ...

>> ... Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason ...

You continue to kid yourself. You want to be in this woman's life ... in direct defiance of your wife's true wishes.

I will stop the "marriage counseling mode." We all read your original post.

catsittingstill · 08-17-2010, 11:58 AM

I too was a little confused about the circumstances.

It sounds like a lovely gift, and I have every confidence it was given in the spirit of kindness and nothing more.

nimblem · 08-17-2010, 12:13 PM

Very sweet thing to do. God will bless you for your kindness

JeremyZ · 08-17-2010, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clintbradford

>> ... and she said "Fine." So she knows ...

Change the story on us, eh? You are either fibbing to hide the reality of this ... or you just conveniently forgot to tell us that your wife approved of the deal.

Ah, I see where the confusion was. I fixed the original post. Thanks for your diligent proofreading. You can stop trolling now; I'm not going to fall for it again.

Skydog · 08-17-2010, 02:37 PM

What a thoughtful and generous gesture!

noonionclub · 08-17-2010, 02:46 PM

Thanks for clearing things up. If that is the case, I hope your friend enjoys her new Kindle 3.

captkjaneway · 08-17-2010, 04:36 PM

Thanks for the clarification..........anyway my offer still stands for my 40th this year

TomF · 08-17-2010, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeremyZ

I didn't do it behind my wife's back. I mentioned it to her, she said: "No." regarding house money. I said: "OK, then I will use my play money." and she said "Fine."

I'm glad that you and your wife have come to terms about this. However, in my household, I'm pretty sure that a response of "Fine." doesn't necessarily mean "OK"! It usually means "Fine. (I'm still not OK with this, but I'm tired of arguing about it, and I know that eventually you're probably going to do it any way)". I look for an "Sure!", "OK", "That's good", or even "That's fine"! So I hope she really said "That's fine."!

Ben Thornton · 08-17-2010, 07:15 PM

I often have difficulty understanding what people mean from their posts on a forum such as this - where one has only a text interface, and there are so many different cultures coming together through the intertubes. I can only bow before the mastery of those who are able to discern the quality of someone's marriage through such posts.

JeremyZ · 08-17-2010, 10:32 PM

Well Ben, TomF is on the mark. But what can't be discerned easily is just how serious the "fine" is/was. I judged it to be not very serious.

I think most folks here, including yourself, are sharp enough to not judge the quality of my marriage based on this thread. I chose to upset my wife just a bit in order to hopefully make someone else very happy. Even in a healthy marriage, both spouses are not always happy all of the time, right?

jhempel24 · 08-18-2010, 01:33 AM

Wow.....this thread got way off track....who really cares, and who's business is it regarding the hows and whys and marriages.

C'mon people, one persons marriage doesn't equal someone else's.

So to turn the coin upside down:

Clint, you are incredibly judgmental and basing all your information on what LITTLE information was provided, which means that you must be insecure to come off and talk about another's marriage....why don't you talk about the inadequacies of your own life? My guess is your marriage is falling apart and you are picking on things that make you feel better for the dissolving life that you have. And you get your rocks off trolling forums to try and push peoples buttons because your life has been reduced to impersonal forum interactions.

I think it's great that you are doing this for a friend, I bet the gesture will be MUCH appreciated.

clintbradford · 08-18-2010, 01:50 AM

>> ... fixed the original post ...

Yeah, right.

>> ... You can stop trolling now ...

I am no "troll." But you don't need to hear me extoll my history here. My last 293 posts speak for themselves.

You can fool some of the people here with changing your story. Best of luck in your relationship - the relationship with your wife, that is.

SOMEONE ELSE >> ... Clint, you are incredibly judgmental and basing all your information ...

Basing my response to exactly what was posted. Nothing more, nothing less.

>> ... which means that you must be insecure ...

Dude, you obviously have less life experience that most others here. But let's not get personal ...

>> ... My guess is your marriage is falling apart ...

Yours is an unintelligent, ignorant "guess" based on absolutely nothing you have read online about me. There are few on this system who have been as public for as long as I have been on the 'Net. AGAIN, take the original post (need a copy? the original poster has now edited it to make himself look more saintly) to ANY marital counselor, and THEN come back and tell me just how off-base I was.

jhempel24 · 08-18-2010, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clintbradford

>> ... My guess is your marriage is falling apart ...

Yours is an unintelligent, ignorant "guess" based on absolutely nothing you have read online about me. There are few on this system who have been as public for as long as I have been on the 'Net. AGAIN, take the original post (need a copy? the original poster has now edited it to make himself look more saintly) to ANY marital counselor, and THEN come back and tell me just how off-base I was.

And that right there is why I posted it...thanks for the confirmation...you did the same thing to the TC.

08-17-2010, 11:11 AM	#16
JeremyZ Addict Posts: 303 Karma: 1000702 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Chicago Device: Nook ST, Kindle 2, Samsung Galaxy Stellar phone	Wow, thanks everyone. Just to clear a few things up: I didn't do it behind my wife's back. I mentioned it to her, she said: "No." regarding house money. I said: "OK, then I will use my play money." and she said "Fine." So she knows. My friend knows also, as I sent him an email yesterday asking him to warn other people off of this potential gift. clintbradford - While I appreciate that you're trying to give me advice to help my marriage, I'm not really looking for marital advice here. We have a system that works, so it would not be smart to change it for something that someone else considers right. We are the ones who are married to each other. The house money/play money system works well for a lot of people. I heard it from a 70+ year old man on the GlockTalk forum. It had worked well for him and his wife for decades. She couldn't veto another gun purchase of his, and he can't forbid her from buying another purse or pair of shoes. Plus, there is always money to pay the bills, for home improvement, and for saving. It is a way to keep some individual freedom in the marriage. We each get a certain amount from each paycheck and the rest goes to the house account. Before we did this, we were always fighting over money. She likes to save and only rarely spend hers. I like to spend mine on stuff that makes me happy. I don't need a lot of money in the bank to feel secure. If we didn't do this, we'd be at each other's throats. If you think that is unhealthy, I don't really care. It works for us. We've been happily married for 6 years, and we are happier each year. Everyone should be so unhealthy. Also, it is worth noting that all of our accounts are joint accounts. In an ideal world, spouses would agree on every purchase. But it just doesn't work that way in reality. Something like 90% of all marital disagreements are over money. Best to remove that source of disagreement in a mature way. (whatever is agreed upon and whatever works!) Regarding the her as a former lover/crush thing, you're sure reaching a lot there. I have known my friend for 21 years, but I have only known his wife since they've been married 4 years ago. I was already happily married, so yes, you are off-base. I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me. It works the other way around also. Someone made a good point that I had not considered my friend's feelings. He is pretty self secure, I don't think he will have a problem with it. If he does, he will surely let me know, and I'll cancel the pre-order. Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason.

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08-17-2010, 11:40 AM	#17
babyd Addict Posts: 384 Karma: 1567 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: UK Device: Sony:505, 600, 350, 650, Kindle 3 & PW, Kobo Mini & Aura HD	ah, well that is different. I thought she said no, full stop, if she is happy with you using your own money, then no worries, gift give away in peace Im sure your friend will be thrilled

08-17-2010, 11:57 AM	#18
clintbradford Older ... slower ... Posts: 450 Karma: 1924 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Jurupa Valley CA US Device: Kobo, Kindles 2/3/Keyboard/Fire/Fire HD, HDX.	>> ... and she said "Fine." So she knows ... Change the story on us, eh? You are either fibbing to hide the reality of this ... or you just conveniently forgot to tell us that your wife approved of the deal. Personally, I have found that one's "original story" usually carries the most honest information. Subsequent "corrections" and "amendments" are usually added to deflect criticism ... or guilt. >> ... I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me. A most bizarre take on marriage and respect for one's spouse ... >> ... Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason ... You continue to kid yourself. You want to be in this woman's life ... in direct defiance of your wife's true wishes. I will stop the "marriage counseling mode." We all read your original post.

08-17-2010, 11:58 AM	#19
catsittingstill Guru Posts: 643 Karma: 551634 Join Date: Dec 2007 Device: Kindle 1.0.8, iPod Touch, Kindle Keyboard	I too was a little confused about the circumstances. It sounds like a lovely gift, and I have every confidence it was given in the spirit of kindness and nothing more.

08-17-2010, 12:13 PM	#20
nimblem Addict Posts: 304 Karma: 7102 Join Date: Dec 2009 Device: Pocket Pro, Kindle Dx	Very sweet thing to do. God will bless you for your kindness

08-17-2010, 02:37 PM	#22
Skydog Wizard Posts: 2,286 Karma: 7409537 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Circling Earth @ Mach .83 Device: Elipsa 2E, Sage, Libra Colour, Libra 2, Clara 2E, Oasis3, Voyage	What a thoughtful and generous gesture!

08-17-2010, 02:46 PM	#23
noonionclub Junior Member Posts: 5 Karma: 50 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: Kindle 2	Thanks for clearing things up. If that is the case, I hope your friend enjoys her new Kindle 3.

08-17-2010, 04:36 PM	#24
captkjaneway Cockney Sci-Fi Geek! Posts: 472 Karma: 1463094 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wan Chai, Hong Kong Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Samsung Tab S 8.4", Samsung S6 Edge	Thanks for the clarification..........anyway my offer still stands for my 40th this year

08-17-2010, 07:15 PM	#26
Ben Thornton Guru Posts: 900 Karma: 779635 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: UK Device: Kindle 3, iPad 2 (but not for e-books)	I often have difficulty understanding what people mean from their posts on a forum such as this - where one has only a text interface, and there are so many different cultures coming together through the intertubes. I can only bow before the mastery of those who are able to discern the quality of someone's marriage through such posts.

08-17-2010, 10:32 PM	#27
JeremyZ Addict Posts: 303 Karma: 1000702 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Chicago Device: Nook ST, Kindle 2, Samsung Galaxy Stellar phone	Well Ben, TomF is on the mark. But what can't be discerned easily is just how serious the "fine" is/was. I judged it to be not very serious. I think most folks here, including yourself, are sharp enough to not judge the quality of my marriage based on this thread. I chose to upset my wife just a bit in order to hopefully make someone else very happy. Even in a healthy marriage, both spouses are not always happy all of the time, right?

08-18-2010, 01:33 AM	#28
jhempel24 Wizard Posts: 2,157 Karma: 7068605 Join Date: Dec 2007 Device: Amazon Kindle Paperwhite, B&N Nook Colro	Wow.....this thread got way off track....who really cares, and who's business is it regarding the hows and whys and marriages. C'mon people, one persons marriage doesn't equal someone else's. So to turn the coin upside down: Clint, you are incredibly judgmental and basing all your information on what LITTLE information was provided, which means that you must be insecure to come off and talk about another's marriage....why don't you talk about the inadequacies of your own life? My guess is your marriage is falling apart and you are picking on things that make you feel better for the dissolving life that you have. And you get your rocks off trolling forums to try and push peoples buttons because your life has been reduced to impersonal forum interactions. I think it's great that you are doing this for a friend, I bet the gesture will be MUCH appreciated.

08-18-2010, 01:50 AM	#29
clintbradford Older ... slower ... Posts: 450 Karma: 1924 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Jurupa Valley CA US Device: Kobo, Kindles 2/3/Keyboard/Fire/Fire HD, HDX.	>> ... fixed the original post ... Yeah, right. >> ... You can stop trolling now ... I am no "troll." But you don't need to hear me extoll my history here. My last 293 posts speak for themselves. You can fool some of the people here with changing your story. Best of luck in your relationship - the relationship with your wife, that is. SOMEONE ELSE >> ... Clint, you are incredibly judgmental and basing all your information ... Basing my response to exactly what was posted. Nothing more, nothing less. >> ... which means that you must be insecure ... Dude, you obviously have less life experience that most others here. But let's not get personal ... >> ... My guess is your marriage is falling apart ... Yours is an unintelligent, ignorant "guess" based on absolutely nothing you have read online about me. There are few on this system who have been as public for as long as I have been on the 'Net. AGAIN, take the original post (need a copy? the original poster has now edited it to make himself look more saintly) to ANY marital counselor, and THEN come back and tell me just how off-base I was.