"The Three Laws of Zombiotics" - STORIES, PSEUDO NON-FICTION, POETRY, ETC. NEEDED

[Solitaire1]

Originally Posted by Greenkeeper

Imagine human sized mousetraps in subway tunnels and alleys. We can pay the homeless and poor college students to sit on them in shifts as bait

The problem with using a mousetrap type device is that you run the risk of splatter and possible loose body parts, and it would only work on one zombie rather than a horde. Plus, since zombies don't feel pain they would likely just lift the trap jaws and continue on, or leave the trapped part behind. Better might be a zombie motel, where the zombies go in but can't get out.

One way to do this is to set up a trap area. Take a city street with tall buildings on both sides, cover most of the street with a thick and extremely sticky glue while leaving an area in the middle clear. Put the bait (armed with machine guns and lots of ammo) in the middle and lure the zombies to their doom. Once trapped, the zombies will be an easy target for head shots from individuals stationed on the top of the nearby buildings. When finished airlift the bait out and then incinerate the area to completely destroy the zombies. Repeat as often as necessary.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by NickSpalding

Either that or lure them out with 'bait'. Possibly the elderly or small children.

I would vote for small children as I already angered senior citizens in an earlier post by calling them mean. Small children also have a better chance of escape since they're more nimble, though it might be fun watching the elderly beat Zombies into submission with canes and walkers.

Originally Posted by Greenkeeper

Imagine human sized mousetraps in subway tunnels and alleys. We can pay the homeless and poor college students to sit on them in shifts as bait

Will we have to pay them a lot? I'm on a tight budget here.

Originally Posted by Solitaire1

One way to do this is to set up a trap area. Take a city street with tall buildings on both sides, cover most of the street with a thick and extremely sticky glue while leaving an area in the middle clear. Put the bait (armed with machine guns and lots of ammo) in the middle and lure the zombies to their doom. Once trapped, the zombies will be an easy target for head shots from individuals stationed on the top of the nearby buildings. When finished airlift the bait out and then incinerate the area to completely destroy the zombies. Repeat as often as necessary.

I like this idea a lot. I've seen Gorilla glue. Now we just need someone to develop Zombie Glue.

Zombie Glue! It sticks to the undead like bad smell on... well, the undead!

[derrell]

Originally Posted by jinlo

I would vote for small children as I already angered senior citizens in an earlier post by calling them mean. Small children also have a better chance of escape since they're more nimble, though it might be fun watching the elderly beat Zombies into submission with canes and walkers.


Zombie Glue! It sticks to the undead like bad smell on... well, the undead!

I have to admit that using unwilling people as bait disturbs me more than a little. This would assume that the living have descended to a point where they are no longer any better than what they are fighting against.

Willing voluntary bait that is well armed as Solitaire1 suggested I don't really have a problem with though.

It might also be helpful at this point to start identifying different levels of zombie outbreaks. If the outbreak can be caught and met with decisive levels of force while it is still relatively small there is really no reason to believe that it will escalate into the full blown Zombie Apocalypse. Among these levels of force nuclear response would have its place when dealing with concentrated large outbreaks such as cities and any Newts would just have to be sacrificed.

If we are aware that there is a possibility of the undead running amok then we can plan for it. If on the other hand the only people talking seriously about response to such an event are a handful of people on a public forum then we truly are screwed and the ZA will be upon us shortly after Zombie Zero takes a bite of its first unsuspecting victim.

So after much discussion of surrounding issues the three laws seem to stand as written except number one. Which might be modified to read something like this.

1) A zombie shall seek out living members of its original species for the purposes of devouring them and as a side effect propagation.


------------ Original Laws ------------
1) A zombie shall seek out brains from living members of its original species. [Thanks to Solitaire1.]

2) A zombie shall not eat another zombie. [Me.]

3) A zombie shall act in complete disregard of all circumstances while relentlessly focused upon pursuing its objective as stated in the First Law. [Thanks to jinlo.]

[DixieGal]

Excuse me, but I found evidence that Law 2 is invalid. Toward the end of "Day of the Dead", helpful army private zombie Bud is eaten after he throws himself to the horde in order for the attractive army corporal, her attractive brother, and his cheerleader girlfriend to get out of the science building, find the usual car keys under the windshield visor, and drive away.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by derrell

It might also be helpful at this point to start identifying different levels of zombie outbreaks. If the outbreak can be caught and met with decisive levels of force while it is still relatively small there is really no reason to believe that it will escalate into the full blown Zombie Apocalypse. Among these levels of force nuclear response would have its place when dealing with concentrated large outbreaks such as cities and any Newts would just have to be sacrificed.

There is also the argument that if the Newts didn't realize the importance of getting the heck out of Zombie City, then they really can't expect much sympathy.

Originally Posted by DixieGal

Excuse me, but I found evidence that Law 2 is invalid. Toward the end of "Day of the Dead", helpful army private zombie Bud is eaten after he throws himself to the horde in order for the attractive army corporal, her attractive brother, and his cheerleader girlfriend to get out of the science building, find the usual car keys under the windshield visor, and drive away.

Is it possible that helpful Army Private Bud had not yet completely turned? I would say if Bud were able to recognize associates and acquaintances, he was still hanging on to part of his humanity. He was also breaking Law #1 if he decided it was more important to help out his attractive superior as opposed to eating her flesh and brains. I'm wondering if maybe the Zombie virus had not fully infiltrated the cerebral cortex. This might explain the inconsistencies in the described event. We also have to remain careful that Hollywood imagination does not interfere with our fact finding mission in attempting to codify the Zombie Laws.


On a side note, I often leave my car keys under the visor. I find it to be a convenient and secure place to store them whenever I'm investigating a possible Zombie outbreak. I also leave a key to my front door under the welcome mat.

[DixieGal]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Is it possible that helpful Army Private Bud had not yet completely turned? I would say if Bud were able to recognize associates and acquaintances, he was still hanging on to part of his humanity. He was also breaking Law #1 if he decided it was more important to help out his attractive superior as opposed to eating her flesh and brains. I'm wondering if maybe the Zombie virus had not fully infiltrated the cerebral cortex. This might explain the inconsistencies in the described event. We also have to remain careful that Hollywood imagination does not interfere with our fact finding mission in attempting to codify the Zombie Laws.


On a side note, I often leave my car keys under the visor. I find it to be a convenient and secure place to store them whenever I'm investigating a possible Zombie outbreak. I also leave a key to my front door under the welcome mat.

Bud was definitely rotting, but he had been smitten by attractive army corporal. At one point he betrayed them, but the act of sacrificing himself at the end was his atonement. They explained him retaining a bit of consciousness because when he was bitten, the attractive corporal washed the bite with a convenient bottle of bleach, which was supposed to kill any viral or bacterial infection.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by derrell

It might also be helpful at this point to start identifying different levels of zombie outbreaks.

I couldn't agree more. It's absolutely imperative to understand the scope of the outbreak. Containment is the key when dealing with any infestation, and containment is only possible when the extent of the outbreak is truly known.

The two key factors for determining the scope of any outbreak are time and population. If an incident is detected during the very early stages, the chance of containment remains high. The undead can only move so fast. If they actually take a human down, feeding can keep them occupied for some time. The thought that is takes a while for a human to turn into a Zombie, however, can lead to underestimation of the outbreak. It may take hours or even days for a healthy human to succumb to a superficial bite, but if the wound penetrates a major artery, you could have a new Zombie in mere minutes.

Population density of the outbreak area is also a significant factor. A Zombie loose in a crowded market place is going to create much more of a problem than one meandering about the old abandon amusement park. Even if dealt with quickly, an incident with high population exposure tends to lead to future outbreaks. This is simply due to the fact that not every individual bitten will seek medical attention, especially when they notice other victims handled as the bio hazards they have now become. That is why it remains necessary to monitor activities at hospitals, clinics, and morgues in the surrounding area for at least five days after the last known infected individual is dispatched.

Any incident in an area with low population density which is detected within 12 hours can be handled quickly and quietly by a two man sniper team, a trained disposal unit, and a qualified medical officer skilled in early infection identification. For more populated areas, it's believed that a SWAT team with specific undead elimination training is the best option to handle an outbreak of up to a hundred Zombies. The larger problem in these situations is maintaining media control of the event. Larger outbreaks would require a combination of assets and a strategy based on the region in question.

[Greenkeeper]

Going back to the MVH theory, I have been reading I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, and I couldn't help but see the similarities between the character Robert Neville's theory on the nature of vampirism vs. our own concerning the modern zombie. In the book, the state of vampirism is composed of two parts:

1) Bacterial infection that has highjacked the body, causing the host to take measures to ensure proper living conditions for it. This includes avoiding sunlight and providing a fresh blood supply.

2) Mental illness as a secondary side effect of the bacteria. The infected, already mentally impared by the infection's affect on the brain, become high susceptable to sensationalistic news reports, susperstitions, and religious teachings. In effect, they act like vampires because they have been taught that they are vampires.

Applying this to the Mobile Virus Hive theory, we can conclude that some, but not all, characteristics of the zombie are a result of the virus. While the virus does compel the host to create conditions more suitable to its survival, namely by seeking out fresh meat, many of the zombie's characteristics can be boiled down to severe mental impairment. Simply put, the brain, having been rewired by the virus and deprived of its optimal nutriants and proper oxygen supply, can simply no longer guide the host effectively.

Perhaps at least in part zombies act as they do because what is left of the mind has been taught by popular media that that is how they should behave.

"I am zombie. Shuffle shuffle bite."

[derrell]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Any incident in an area with low population density which is detected within 12 hours can be handled quickly and quietly by a two man sniper team, a trained disposal unit, and a qualified medical officer skilled in early infection identification. For more populated areas, it's believed that a SWAT team with specific undead elimination training is the best option to handle an outbreak of up to a hundred Zombies. The larger problem in these situations is maintaining media control of the event. Larger outbreaks would require a combination of assets and a strategy based on the region in question.

Quick decisive response is the most important element to controlling these outbreaks. However I have to disagree with your stance on controlling the media. I've come to the conclusion that the continued media blackout on these incidents is one of the main reasons that when there is an outbreak it has a tendency to spiral out of control rather quickly.

Having spoken to several first responders they all agree that if the population at large only knew that they were at risk the number of infected would drop dramatically in an outbreak. They all mentioned at least two separate cases where public knowledge would help.

Initially if people knew what to look for there would be a reduction in what they called Good Samaritan infections. These are the people who see someone stumbling along and try to help them. Most of the time these people are bitten and manage to escape. With these there is the risk that they will pass the virus on to someone close to them through transfer of bodily fluids as well as the fact that they will be zombies in a few hours. If they only knew what signs to watch for they could easily avoid the single zombie and call the authorities. There is also the possibility that they could end the entire outbreak right there by dispatching the infected if they are sure that it is indeed a zombie. All of the responders that I've spoken with agree that they would much rather find a 'dead' zombie when they arrive at the scene.

The second case is the panic and fear of the unknown that manifests once the outbreak becomes a little larger. You get crowds of panicked people trying to flee in cities and even the large towns. These crowds not only hamper the response teams but there is also the risk of spreading the virus. Such crowds always have people who have been exposed but are still ambulatory and rounding all of these up is always a problem. If people knew that the correct response is to stay put behind locked doors in an interior room of their homes the jobs of the responders would be much simpler.

I've argued for some time that this shroud of secrecy is not needed and is indeed harmful. There continue to be some very entrenched beliefs however concerning what the public does and does not need to know. I say that now is the time to bring the existence of the undead out of the closet as it were and trust that the general public can and should help prevent a Zombie Apocalypse level event.

[jinlo]

You make an excellent case. In truth, I find myself agreeing with many aspects of this new point of view. Previously, I have always held to the belief that if an event could be caught in the early stages, it should never be disclosed to the public. Now, however, I am finding myself conflicted. Perhaps it is time to open the files and come clean with the public. Maybe all of these studies should be revealed to the press. If people truly understood what we're facing, if they can comprehend the complexities of such theories like the Mobile Virus Hive as discussed by Greenkeeper, perhaps we can make communities safer against future outbreaks. Disaster preparedness is an important step toward containing any outbreak and might be the key in preventing the undead Apocalypse.

Then again, I remember the Brooks Range disaster where word leaked of an outbreak in a research facility at the Alaskan-Canadian border. Some joker posted classified information on one of those Zombie Hunter forums. At least fortyseven shotgun toting adventure seekers had to be rescued from one of the most inhospitable areas in North America. God only knows how many more were never found.

I don't know. I just don't know.

[derrell]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Then again, I remember the Brooks Range disaster where word leaked of an outbreak in a research facility at the Alaskan-Canadian border. Some joker posted classified information on one of those Zombie Hunter forums. At least fortyseven shotgun toting adventure seekers had to be rescued from one of the most inhospitable areas in North America. God only knows how many more were never found.

I don't know. I just don't know.

The thrill seekers chasing after zombie outbreaks can be treated like the people who chase tornadoes in the Midwestern United States. If they get bitten it will be regrettable but they knew the risks when they decided to do it. If they interfere with the response teams they can face fines and or jail time.

Below are some recommendations for utilizing individuals that want to help respond to this threat in a responsible manner. Much as volunteers during search and rescue operations when someone is lost hiking in rugged terrain.

It would be possible to set up volunteers groups that meet and train in zombie response tactics. These groups would need to be part of a registry so that government or private response teams would be aware that there could be a volunteer group in the area that they are about to enter.

Coordinating all of these groups with each other would pose it's own special problems of course. Communication is the key and with nearly everyone owning a cell phone these days text message alerts could warn of reported zombie outbreaks and include a phone number to report any further sightings and a number for the local response coordinator. There is also the NOAA radio system that is used to warn of severe weather and other emergencies in the United States.

---- Simulated general public text message ----
Zombie Danger Level Yellow
You are receiving this message alert to inform you that there has been at least one but not more than three confirmed zombies in the greater Tulsa OK area. If you suspect that you have encountered one of the undead please report it to the local authorities at 800-321-5432.

The system as it stands now is truly appalling. It is amazing just how many local law enforcement officers are totally unaware of the threat just as the general public is. In some cases they end up being as much of a handicap to responders as the panicked populace. The continued policy of secrecy needs to come to an end now before we all pay the price.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by derrell

The system as it stands now is truly appalling. It is amazing just how many local law enforcement officers are totally unaware of the threat just as the general public is. In some cases they end up being as much of a handicap to responders as the panicked populace. The continued policy of secrecy needs to come to an end now before we all pay the price.

Again, it's difficult to find fault with any of your points. I've reviewed case after case of incidents exacerbated by the mistakes of the uninformed. In fact, I just read two disturbingly similar cases where local authorities, on different continents mind you, placed an infected individual in a crowded drunk tank to "sleep one off."

In both cases, police were called to resolve a disturbance between two unknown suspects several blocks away from a drinking establishment with a reputation for somewhat rowdy behavior. When police arrived, they found only one individual with minor wounds babbling incoherently about being bitten by a monster. As the officers were quite used to dealing with drunk and disorderly conduct in this area, they simply followed standard procedure and hauled the hysterical individual to the station's custody cell for further processing once the suspect became more coherent. Of course, this never occurred.

Further details on both incidents remain somewhat clouded. By following a paper trail, however, I discovered that a Montana research center obtained five John Doe Zombies known to have been conclusively infected by the same agent. I am certain these Zombies were cellmates to one of the incarcerated bite victims. The other incident occurred near Brisbane, Australia and I have been able to find very little information on the final disposition of this case.

Had the local authorities been given even the most meager of undead management training, they would have known to isolate the initial suspects, and so, your argument is bolstered by these accounts and many others just like them.

Still, I remain cautious, as it is my nature. I'm wondering if maybe there might be a way to release our findings in a controlled manner as opposed to simply revealing the truth all at once to the entire world. You see, if we simply remove all the secrecy and admit the existence of the undead, we won't be able to restore control if we find we made a mistake. A wise man once told me that it's impossible to put the shark back in ocean once it starts swinging from the trees. The same may be true of the undead.

[Solitaire1]

I was checking out Cracked.com and found the following article that gives scientific reasons that a zombie outbreak would fail:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18683...l-quickly.html

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by Solitaire1

I was checking out Cracked.com and found the following article that gives scientific reasons that a zombie outbreak would fail:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18683...l-quickly.html

For the most part, a very interesting piece. Most of the reasons in that article explain why we haven't already faced a much larger epidemic. Natural barriers and weather extremes have helped us avoid catastrophe on many occasions. The fact that the infection is passed through biting has also been a major civilization-saver. If the infecting agent ever mutates to become airborne, it's extinction time for the human race. Actually, I've often wondered if that's what really got the dinosaurs.

Anyway, most of the reasons in the article are clearly helpful to the continuation of our species. Two of them, however, are somewhat flawed.

As for #7, Zombies don't really have natural predators. For some reason, bugs stay away from Zombies. I'm not sure why, but they do. I mean who here has seen a grouping of Zombies and an accompanying black cloud of flies following them around? And that's what it would be--just one big mass of buzzing motion that would give away a Zombie's position from 50 yards or more. Unfortunately, most insects that would joyfully devour any part of a human corpse want nothing to do with the walking dead. That goes for the larger predators as well. Bears, lions, wolves, and angry man-eating squid have no taste for the undead. They like fresher meat. As for scavengers, they don't mind a little seasoned decay, but they don't like their meals moving. So, there are only three things that will kill a Zombie--time, a really bad accident, and man himself.

This brings us to the other flawed reason in the article. Guns can be effective against Zombies but only when they are used correctly. It takes a steady hand to take out the undead at a safe distance. It's one thing to shoot Bambi out in the woods. It's another thing entirely to face down five or six Zombies staggering toward you. You have to shoot them in the head and cause sufficient damage to the brain. A low caliber rifle such as a rimfire .22 probably won't be very effective. At certain distances, the slug may not even breach the skull. Imagine the panic in that scenario. You get a clean shot at the head but the thing keeps coming. That's also what tends to happen in most encounters with untrained personnel utilizing handguns. When an assailant intent on malice is moving toward an armed individual, the person with a gun tends to aim for center mass, not the head. You just can't kill a Zombie that way.

Good article though. Thanks for the find.

[derrell]

These .22's might be a little more effective. But a nice 12 gauge with 00 buck would be more practical. Something like the last video shows.

Vids below

Spoiler: