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Old 07-17-2010, 04:08 PM   #1
Steven Lake
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Anyone here from the UK? Need some help with British English.

Hey guys, I'm right now working on doing some tweaks to the dialog in one of my books to improve the way it flows, and to better portray the way people talk in England, specifically London. I've been watching a couple shows from the UK recently, and I came to realize that my perception of how the British speak, and reality are somewhat uncomfortably divergent. (ref: Using "nicked" as a reference for going to jail.) So here's a bit of dialog from the book that I need checked over, and possibly enhanced a bit with common British terms, slang (where applicable) and grammar. The two people speaking are both British BTW. Any help is welcome. Thanks.
Spoiler:
"Mr. Carter, you know I don't like it when you sneak into my car like that."
The man grinned.
"My apologies, sir, but it's what I do. Being seen can be detrimental to one's health in my line of work."
The manager grunted. "So what do you want? Is your boss crying for more money again?"
Carter nodded. The manager grunted again.
"I don't know why he sends you here begging like this. I will not fund Black Orchid any further until he shows me proof that he can beat those infernal Society blokes once and for all. So long as they're around, any plans to take over the world will be crushed repeatedly, and with prejudice."
Zoahn cocked an eyebrow. It was quickly becoming apparent to him that the bankers were merely Black Orchid's chief funding source, not it's power center. He studied Carter for a few moments and considered his next moves.
"How are we to be expected to beat the Society when we do not even have the funds to operate properly?" asked Carter.
The manager grinned.
"Well, I guess that's for you to figure out, isn't it? Driver, stop here. Our guest is leaving."
The car rolled to a stop, and then the driver climbed out and opened the door.
Carter grinned, and said, "I'll be back soon enough, and you had better have the money when I do, or you will be left out of our new world order."
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Old 07-17-2010, 04:53 PM   #2
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actually, that's all pretty much ok, mate. nothing that sounds ridiculous from a british point of view

i wouldn't want to muck about with it without knowing the context of the characters.
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Old 07-17-2010, 04:57 PM   #3
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It would help to know the era the novel is set in. And a summary of the characters' characters, as it were, would be useful.

In general though, I agree with Nick above. There's nothing that really grates with a British reader imho.

The most annoying mistake (to me) that American writers make when setting scenes in the UK is using the concept of blocks, i.e. "Hank set off from his hotel in the centre of London and walked the three blocks to the nearest convenience store". Talking about blocks in the UK makes no kind of sense at all. Please note my cunning use of Hank as the American name (everybody in America is called Hank or Bubba, we all know that) and the term 'convenience store', again, no such thing in the UK.

Last edited by Bilbo1967; 07-17-2010 at 05:03 PM.
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Old 07-17-2010, 05:34 PM   #4
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Please note my cunning use of Hank as the American name (everybody in America is called Hank or Bubba, we all know that) and the term 'convenience store', again, no such thing in the UK.
...and Chuck.

Don't forget Chuck.

We don't take out trash or ride in elevators either
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Old 07-17-2010, 06:40 PM   #5
Steven Lake
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Well, I understand British culture to some degree, as I really like what you guys have over there. Like for example, trucks are lorry, an apartment is a flat, and an elevator is a lift. So yeah, I know a few things.

As for the context, they're in downtown London in the year 2027, so about 17 years hence. However, I figured that a lot of modern day words and sayings would still be applicable even then. Mr. Carter is a spy, one of those back alley shady characters who slink around steal secrets. The other guy is the president of the Bank of England. He's a businessman at heart, but he also funds lots of black organizations with less than respectable (ie, world domination) goals in mind. (I'm not trying to say that all bankers are evil, but this one just happens to be. lol)

I hope that helps a little.

Last edited by Steven Lake; 07-17-2010 at 06:46 PM.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:13 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Steven Lake View Post
The other guy is the president of the Bank of England.
Steven, just a quick note: The Bank of England doesn't have a president, it has a governor. It's the UK's central bank, and its Governor is part of the Civil Service.

I remember hearing an American president refer to the "President of the Bank of England" (although he did correct himself). I'd be giving away my age if I were to admit which (US) president.

A wee typo, btw: "not it's [should be its] power"
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:57 AM   #7
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So what do y'all have instead of blocks?
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Old 07-18-2010, 02:56 AM   #8
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What did you have before you had blocks, Worldwalker.

Since cinema and TV, Steven, language use in the UK (especially in big cities) has become pretty Americanised (note the 's'). Internet has also made a huge difference in the speedy adoption of new terms coined in the US. Accent still varies from place to place, but in London and within commuting distance, it's been erroded. By 2027, I think there may be even less difference between words and terms in the UK and UK and regional accents might be further watered down.

Funny thing, by the way, is that much US spelling (Amercanized) and grammar (gotten) was actually exported from England to America. In the UK some forms became modernised, whereas, over the Shining Big Sea Water, they remained as of old. For instance,the Z in 'ized' and the word 'gotten' are still grammatically corrent in English Standard, though seldom used. (Any UK pals here who don't believe this should conjugate the verbs 'to get' and 'to forget' and compare the result.)

Cheers. Neil
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:03 AM   #9
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Sounds fine to me, Steve. Oh, by the way, another word we don't use is "downtown" .
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:24 AM   #10
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Seems mostly okay to me, but I'm not too sure many would use 'infernal' .... more likely 'sodding' .... but it depends on your context of course ....
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:24 AM   #11
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What did you have before you had blocks, Worldwalker.
I believe I had some sort of stuffed toy. A leopard, I think.

Oh, you mean for city streets? At least in my reading, the term "blocks" goes back quite a ways in the US. Bilbo is the one who said they made no sense, leaving me wondering how you tell someone how far to go.
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:25 AM   #12
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"The car rolled to a stop, and then the driver climbed out and opened the door. "

I , and probably everyone else , knows what you mean .... but reading this literally ....
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:26 AM   #13
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"The car rolled to a stop, and then the driver climbed out and opened the door. "

I , and probably everyone else , knows what you mean .... but reading this literally ....
Dukes of Hazzard, anyone?
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:28 AM   #14
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Sounds fine to me, Steve. Oh, by the way, another word we don't use is "downtown" .

nor "sidewalk" - although by 2027 I'm sure you could argue that anything is possible ....
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Old 07-18-2010, 03:29 AM   #15
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Dukes of Hazzard, anyone?

Ah !

Or the original Hansom Cab ....
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