Bad writing or is MY brain scrambled?

[Aleron Ives]

I feel the same way whenever I read a book written in the present tense.

[kevin3289]

Originally Posted by rcentros

I decided to read one of my Kindle books I "bought" a few months ago (free with Amazon Prime) because it looked interesting. But the author has a habit of using past tense for what's happening in the present. Is the following bad writing, or is my brain just scrambled? I'm really having trouble focusing on the story because this keeps pulling me out of it.

Here's a short passage... (near the beginning of Chapter One - my "corrections" in parentheses.)



I don't think I'm going to be able read this book because of this. This author is (apparently) fairly well known. Is this kind of writing common now?

I looked into fiction writing once, and there are various opinions as to the best way to go about it. It is much more difficult than writing non fiction, and kudos to anyone who has the passion to get it right.

[Martinoptic]

Originally Posted by kevin3289

I looked into fiction writing once, and there are various opinions as to the best way to go about it. It is much more difficult than writing non fiction, and kudos to anyone who has the passion to get it right.

Yes, but what is right? Everyone seems to have their own ideas. I prefer past tense YMMV. Just keep on reading….

[DiapDealer]

From the snippets given, I'm unclear on what leads the OP to believe the action is taking place in the present tense in the first place. Every edit just seems like a conversion of a past tense narrative to a present tense one. Are there any non-dialogue examples from the book that would show the present tense narration you believe the action is taking place in?

[icallaci]

As I see it, the story has already happened and is being told in full from beginning to end by the narrator or author. Any direct quotations are quoting what was said at the time it happened. So I have no problem with the dialogue being in the present tense, while the narration is in the past tense.

Edited to add: In fact, I usually dislike present-tense narration, because I keep wondering how the narrator has time to write down what is happening in the middle of a chase scene or love scene or even just normal conversation.

[ApK]

Yeah, I'm with the "rcentros is crazy" crowd. That WAS the consensus, right?

But how about we recommend some present-tense works to help unscramble his brain?

rcentros, how do you feel about second-person present-tense narratives? The narration from "The Whistler" old-time radio show comes to mind:

You stand there stunned -- speechless -- just staring at them as they slap each other on the back, forgetting all about you. And George avoids looking at you. He's on their side now; you're sure of it. And, worst of all, it's beginning to get you, too. He's not Ted, your foster brother -- you know it; you're positive. It's ridiculous to go through all this rigmarole, but it seems to be your word against his proof, doesn't it? But there are still other ways, aren't there? Like another long distance call -- this time to the State Department in Washington, D. C. After being transferred to four or five different offices, you finally get through to the right man.

[Quoth]

Originally Posted by ApK

But how about we recommend some present-tense works to help unscramble his brain?

rcentros, how do you feel about second-person present-tense narratives? The narration from "The Whistler" old-time radio show comes to mind:

Only really a success in "plot your own adventure" type books, or computer games.

Forest
You stand in a clearing in the deep jungle. Obscured by centuries of overgrowth and dim sunlight is a ruined temple of some sort. Whatever details there may have been on the stone blocks have long since been worn away. There is a single, solitary entryway leading downward.

>examine temple
You can't see any such thing.

>go north
You can't go that way.

>inventory
You are carrying nothing.

>say hello, sailor

There is no reply.

From https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Beginn..._with_Inform_7

Reminds me of the start of "Return to Zork". Earlier Zork 1 inspired by https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colossal_Cave_Adventure

It's misnamed Interaction Fiction. It's a text adventure.

"you are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike"

As an aside, there is a mobi directive that blocks turning the page, so I used Mobipocket creator to make a text adventure with links and anchors replacing "Pick up stick: go to page 72. Ignore stick: go to page 67". But I decided a game engine I'd written or even a web page with client side image map (to click on objects) and some javascript was far better.

[kevin3289]

Originally Posted by Martinoptic

Yes, but what is right? Everyone seems to have their own ideas. I prefer past tense YMMV. Just keep on reading….

I have to agree. Present tense just doesn't work for me either. Then there is the question of character perspective, which can really mess with your mind.

[theducks]

Present tense is like a Sportscaster calling the play-by-Play of a game IN PROGRESS.

Past tense is a Reporter / witness.

One of my peeves with some Gamelit authors is the feeling that the story is driving/steering the characters around the story.

[Asawi]

Originally Posted by rcentros

Thanks everyone. It's weird that I just noticed this in this one book. I've never had this reaction before.

That IS weird! But I guess it's one of those things that you, for some odd reason, suddelnly start thinking about. And suddenly it's all (well, maybe not all...) you see!

[rcentros]

Originally Posted by Asawi

That IS weird! But I guess it's one of those things that you, for some odd reason, suddelnly start thinking about. And suddenly it's all (well, maybe not all...) you see!

I think I'll have to hit the reset button on my brain. I'll go back to that book in a day or two to see if I'm over this yet.

[kevin3289]

Originally Posted by Asawi

That IS weird! But I guess it's one of those things that you, for some odd reason, suddelnly start thinking about. And suddenly it's all (well, maybe not all...) you see!

Possibly the reason why past tense works so well, is because down through history, stories have always been told in hindsight, which is probably why it seems more natural. The fact that you are now reading it, means that the events in the book have already happened.

[fathead]

If rcentros needs a dose of present tense narrative done well, Damon Runyon is a must - funny and clever.

[ZodWallop]

Originally Posted by fathead

If rcentros needs a dose of present tense narrative done well, Damon Runyon is a must - funny and clever.

Have you listened to the old time radio show Damon Runyon Theatre?

[fathead]

Originally Posted by ZodWallop

Have you listened to the old time radio show Damon Runyon Theatre?

Interesting! I listened to one of the stories - the accents are great - but I think I prefer to read them.