Marriage... a thoughtful question. - Page 3

CazMar · 04-05-2011, 08:20 PM

As we had no intention of having children my partner and I decided not to go through another marriage fest - I really can't see why we should pay a government fee or hire a celebrant to "legalise" a personal commitment. We are protected by law here and a good will can provide for property to go to my partner. We have been together for nearly 18 years, a lot longer than many people who go through a formal ceremony. For younger couples having children there may be some incentive, but for older couples it should be optional.

Elfwreck · 04-05-2011, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CazMar

As we had no intention of having children my partner and I decided not to go through another marriage fest - I really can't see why we should pay a government fee or hire a celebrant to "legalise" a personal commitment.

In case one of you winds up in the hospital and needs the other to make medical decisions. A power of attorney can cover that--unless the family contests it. Contesting marriage rights is a lot harder.

Also, in case one of you gets killed and the other wants to sue for damages (the reason I'm now married; the man I'd lived with for 6 years & had a child with was not my husband when he died, so I had no right to sue for medical malpractice).

If either of you is accused of a crime, you can be forced to testify against each other unless you're married. (When this comes up, usually someone says "well, if you're innocent, you shouldn't care if you have to testify." This is almost always someone who's never been in a courtroom.)

There's other things. They don't matter to everyone, aren't relevant to every relationship. But marriage comes with a huge swarm of legal features other than automatic inheritance and tax status.

SolRaven · 04-06-2011, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elfwreck

In case one of you winds up in the hospital and needs the other to make medical decisions. A power of attorney can cover that--unless the family contests it. Contesting marriage rights is a lot harder.

Also, in case one of you gets killed and the other wants to sue for damages (the reason I'm now married; the man I'd lived with for 6 years & had a child with was not my husband when he died, so I had no right to sue for medical malpractice).

This is the reason why my cousin, who was with his wife/gf for 20 years, with whom he had 2 children, got married. By all accounts we all saw them as married and a single family unit, but after 9/11 there was a lot in the news about the widows of workers and the firemen who weren't able to get any death benefits because they weren't legally married, even though they had children together and lived together for over a decade. My cousin was in the Army Reserve and got called into active duty, so for legal reasons, they got married.

Stitchawl · 04-06-2011, 02:12 AM

What ever happened to the 'Common Law' marriages? I thought they were considered legally binding marriages after seven years, or something like that? I wonder if that is a State-by-State sort of legality...

Stitchawl

Mortis · 04-06-2011, 02:21 AM

In Alberta (Canada) Common Law Marriages are legal and binding in as little as 30 days, depends on the people involved, but the government will find it binding immediately. My younger brother found out the hard way when he broke up with his girlfriend, she took 1/2 and he was told he was lucky. They had lived together for only 2 years or so.

SolRaven · 04-06-2011, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

What ever happened to the 'Common Law' marriages? I thought they were considered legally binding marriages after seven years, or something like that? I wonder if that is a State-by-State sort of legality...

Stitchawl

It is. It's only recognized in 11 states and DC.

beppe · 04-06-2011, 09:18 AM

I married 3 times.
When I married the first time, there was no divorce yet in my country. Why we married? It was what was expected of us, high school sweethearts, although we were not particularly enthusiastic about it. But it was the normal thing to do in our culture and social milieu. Me and her father we went along fantastically. Which is not a small thing. Same profession, similar tastes, he saw a son, I saw a father, it was great. I enjoyed hunting with him, which he did so well, and he enjoyed skying with me, that I did better than him. That masculine solidarnosh is quite effective and makes the whole show bearable. He made the mistake of dying too early.

The second time I married her after years of living together to make her feel more secure. I really wanted to stick together and as I always do, i went all the way. Unluckily for us, or luckily for me she saw or started to see the marriage as an economical/financial profit endeavor (she is American (was? who knows) and that trait is not uncommon chez les femmes there). At the end of the affair it came out just a straight financial loss. I always had enough as I do not care for money and maybe that is why it looks like it is running after me. So not a big deal. With girlies is the way around: I care for them very much but they keep coming up my way, somehow. So caring or not caring does not matter. Or not?

The third time we married after 11 years of concubinage as we got Daughter and the marriage made Wife and Daughter more secure of their financial future. There are some properties involved, and being much older than Wife, it seemed the least I could do.

My lawyer and me we are more than best friends. She loves me truly, deeply and alas purely. I mean it is a pure love. Why not. Love can be that also.

So in my cases it is cultural, and security.

CazMar · 04-09-2011, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elfwreck

In case one of you winds up in the hospital and needs the other to make medical decisions. A power of attorney can cover that--unless the family contests it. Contesting marriage rights is a lot harder.

Also, in case one of you gets killed and the other wants to sue for damages (the reason I'm now married; the man I'd lived with for 6 years & had a child with was not my husband when he died, so I had no right to sue for medical malpractice).

If either of you is accused of a crime, you can be forced to testify against each other unless you're married. (When this comes up, usually someone says "well, if you're innocent, you shouldn't care if you have to testify." This is almost always someone who's never been in a courtroom.)

There's other things. They don't matter to everyone, aren't relevant to every relationship. But marriage comes with a huge swarm of legal features other than automatic inheritance and tax status.

The laws are different here - we have been together over three years, we are "married" and have the same status.

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04-05-2011, 08:20 PM	#31
CazMar Book Geek Posts: 596 Karma: 1499085 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Adelaide, Australia Device: Kobo Touch, Asus MemPad 7" tablet, Nexus 5, Asus 10" tablet	As we had no intention of having children my partner and I decided not to go through another marriage fest - I really can't see why we should pay a government fee or hire a celebrant to "legalise" a personal commitment. We are protected by law here and a good will can provide for property to go to my partner. We have been together for nearly 18 years, a lot longer than many people who go through a formal ceremony. For younger couples having children there may be some incentive, but for older couples it should be optional.

04-06-2011, 02:12 AM	#34
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	What ever happened to the 'Common Law' marriages? I thought they were considered legally binding marriages after seven years, or something like that? I wonder if that is a State-by-State sort of legality... Stitchawl

04-06-2011, 02:21 AM	#35
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	In Alberta (Canada) Common Law Marriages are legal and binding in as little as 30 days, depends on the people involved, but the government will find it binding immediately. My younger brother found out the hard way when he broke up with his girlfriend, she took 1/2 and he was told he was lucky. They had lived together for only 2 years or so.

04-06-2011, 09:18 AM	#37
beppe Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,161 Karma: 81026524 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Italy Device: Kindle3, Ipod4, IPad2	I married 3 times. When I married the first time, there was no divorce yet in my country. Why we married? It was what was expected of us, high school sweethearts, although we were not particularly enthusiastic about it. But it was the normal thing to do in our culture and social milieu. Me and her father we went along fantastically. Which is not a small thing. Same profession, similar tastes, he saw a son, I saw a father, it was great. I enjoyed hunting with him, which he did so well, and he enjoyed skying with me, that I did better than him. That masculine solidarnosh is quite effective and makes the whole show bearable. He made the mistake of dying too early. The second time I married her after years of living together to make her feel more secure. I really wanted to stick together and as I always do, i went all the way. Unluckily for us, or luckily for me she saw or started to see the marriage as an economical/financial profit endeavor (she is American (was? who knows) and that trait is not uncommon chez les femmes there). At the end of the affair it came out just a straight financial loss. I always had enough as I do not care for money and maybe that is why it looks like it is running after me. So not a big deal. With girlies is the way around: I care for them very much but they keep coming up my way, somehow. So caring or not caring does not matter. Or not? The third time we married after 11 years of concubinage as we got Daughter and the marriage made Wife and Daughter more secure of their financial future. There are some properties involved, and being much older than Wife, it seemed the least I could do. My lawyer and me we are more than best friends. She loves me truly, deeply and alas purely. I mean it is a pure love. Why not. Love can be that also. So in my cases it is cultural, and security.

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