Marriage... a thoughtful question.

[Stitchawl]

Why?
Why do we get married these days? Leave out the 'because we're in love' answers, please. We can assume that part. But so what? So we're in love, what about that means 'getting married?' Many folks who are in love today simply live together without needing a formal contract.

In the old days, a 'family' was a working unit. We needed the loyalty of family just to survive the hardships, and 'blood is thicker than water.' We needed 5-6 kids (because one or two didn't survive childhood) to handle all the various chores around the farm.
We know that today, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce within the first two years.
So why do we continue to get married? Your thoughts?


Stitchawl

[phenomshel]

In the United States, I think it's mostly tax and insurance advantages. I'm only half joking, there.
Some of it is sentimental, traditional, and religious, I'm sure.

I know that when I got divorced, I said that I would never remarry. I wasn't against falling in love with someone and living "in sin" with them for the rest of my life, but I was never, ever geting married again. And what did I do the second Chris asked me if I would marry him? Said YES. I don't regret it for one nanosecond.

[wyndslash]

well, i'm not a big fan of marriage. i don't think i ever will, but according to my parents, you get married so you won't be alone when you're old (unless of course, the other one passes away first, so that completely defeats that purpose).

personally though, i think some would marry for financial and social advantages. i know that my parents would think i would be "marrying below" if i married a full-fledged filipino (they don't say it, but i know that's what they think anyway)

[DixieGal]

To belong to someone special who also belongs to you.

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by phenomshel

I know that when I got divorced, I said that I would never remarry. I wasn't against falling in love with someone and living "in sin" with them for the rest of my life, but I was never, ever geting married again.

I felt the very same way. After my second divorce, although I had no conscious thought NOT to marry, I remained a very happy bachelor for the next 17 years, with a VERY busy social life. Absolutely no plans to marry...

That worked out right up until I met my current wife. I KNEW three days after I met her that I was going to marry her! We didn't, not for another year and a half, but there was no question in my mind that we would. But I'll be damned if I can figure out the reason why!

That was 17 years ago. We're still on our honeymoon!

Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

A Marriage
.... Robert Creely

The first retainer
he gave to her
was a golden
wedding ring.

The second—late at night
he woke up,
leaned over on an elbow,
and kissed her.

The third and the last —
he died with
and gave up loving
and lived with her.


(Scary, huh?)


Stitchawl

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I felt the very same way. After my second divorce, although I had no conscious thought NOT to marry, I remained a very happy bachelor for the next 17 years, with a VERY busy social life. Absolutely no plans to marry...

That worked out right up until I met my current wife. I KNEW three days after I met her that I was going to marry her! We didn't, not for another year and a half, but there was no question in my mind that we would. But I'll be damned if I can figure out the reason why!

That was 17 years ago. We're still on our honeymoon!

Stitchawl

Seems your life goes in seventeens, mine goes in thirteens.

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by kennyc

Seems your life goes in seventeens, mine goes in thirteens.

When I was seventeen it was a very good year
It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights
We'd hide from the lights on the village green
When I was seventeen



I learned the truth at seventeen that love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles who married young and
then
retired.
The valentines I never knew, the Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful. At seventeen I learned the truth.
And those of us with ravaged faces, lacking in the social graces,
Desperately remained at home, inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say, "Come dance with me," and murmured vague
obscenities.
It isn't all it seems at seventeen.


Stitchawl

[kennyc]

I just read most of her biography...

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by kennyc

I just read most of her biography...

I just took a quick look via Wiki... She was an amazing talent when young, and appears to have remain so all through her life, despite the lack of accolade in the US.

Stitchawl

[Elfwreck]

I got married for legal rights & protections. There are many rights in the US that exist nowhere but in marriage; it's one of the reasons same-sex couples are fighting so hard for the right to marry--even aside from the amount of work involved in contracts and power-of-attorney, some rights of marriage just can't be acquired through contracts.

Aside from the legal aspects, marriage is the way communities make or acknowledge families that weren't born related to each other. And even if we don't need the support of "family" specifically to survive, a lot of people are much happier with those connections than without them.

[SneakySnake]

i tried to give Janis K, but I have to spread it around first. I thought the link in kenny's post was to the bio!

I learn't the truth @ 44 that things are not always what you hoped for.

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by SneakySnake

i tried to give Janis K, but I have to spread it around first. I thought the link in kenny's post was to the bio!

I did too. That's when I turned to Wiki. That gave a nice summery.

I learn't the truth @ 44 that things are not always what you hoped for.

It's a hard lesson to deal with. I married my first wife when I was very, very young. Then I went to war. When I came back a year later I was old. No illusions left. Marriage needs some illusion. Or at least some mystery.


Stitchawl

[Mortis]

No comment

[Sweetpea]

Originally Posted by DixieGal

To belong to someone special who also belongs to you.

That's very nicely put!

We have two forms of "marriage" contracts. One is the classical marriage contract, the other a registered partnership contract. There are some minor differences between the two, mostly having to do with the children and the way of breaking the ties. The second was first created for same-sex marriages (as that wasn't legal at the time), and stayed available after the same-sex marriage was finally legalized. So, you now have a choice.

We decided to go for a marriage, and not the partnership. Mostly because it does have a bit of extra emotional history. And we got married in the first place, because of what DixieGal above said. We'd been living "in sin" for a long time already, when we decided to get married. Naturally, there are also some monetary benefits, but we could have stayed with our "living-together contract" and made a will (as we never have had plans on having children) and not be much worse off.