Unutterably Silly My spouse just don't appreciate me.

[SameOldStory]

I'm a man, and when I see a speck in the toilet bowl I do what men do. I aim at the offending spot and try to "wash" it away.

Sometimes I have to have more than a few beers to do it. And my wife says I don't help around the house.

My wife just don't appreciate me.

[happy_terd]

The secret to winning your wife's approval is slapping or pinching her on the bottom and calling her mama every chance you get.

[poohbear_nc]

Killing spiders! A sure fire way to earn praise and respect!

[happy_terd]

Perhaps if you could pinch her butt while killing a spider.

[SameOldStory]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

The secret to winning your wife's approval is slapping or pinching her on the bottom and calling her mama every chance you get.

I've tried to do that. First I practiced with other women. They didn't appreciate my efforts to be a better husband.

My wife just wants to know why I come home all beat up. I told here I was practicing to be a better husband, and she hit me too!!!

My wife just don't appreciate me.

[SameOldStory]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

Perhaps if you could pinch her butt while killing a spider.

It doesn't help.

I keep a large supply of empty beer cans around the house to throw at the spiders.

My wife just yells at me.

My wife just don't appreciate me.

[recluse]

Two choices:

The politician/Tiger Woods choice: find a slow 20 year old mistress who is easily impressed,
or
The Sean Connery method: Slap her stupid.

[SameOldStory]

Originally Posted by recluse

Two choices:

The politician/Tiger Woods choice: find a slow 20 year old mistress who is easily impressed,
or
The Sean Connery method: Slap her stupid.

The politician choice is out. I'm not a good enough lier.

The Tiger Woods choice is out. I'm not even good at Put Put golf.

So I tried the Sean Connery method. I just came back from the ER with 12 stitches.

No matter what I try -

My wife just don't appreciate me.

[recluse]

Try this. It always works:

Come home.
Grab your wife and throw her over your shoulder.
Carry her into the bedroom and make wild, crazy love to her.
When you're done, grunt, wipe yourself off on the drapes and go watch TV.
Don't shower until you ooze manliness.

[SameOldStory]

Originally Posted by recluse

Try this. It always works:

Come home.
Grab your wife and throw her over your shoulder.
Carry her into the bedroom and make wild, crazy love to her.
When you're done, grunt, wipe yourself off on the drapes and go watch TV.
Don't shower until you ooze manliness.

Tried that. Didn't work.

I REALLY wanted to do it right, so I practiced before I went home.

Another 12 stitches, and a high heel shoe still up my but.

My wife just don't appreciate me.

[SameOldStory]

Do I have an unreasonable wife? It can't be me, can it?

Anyone else with such a mean spirited person as a spouse?

If you don't have a sad story to tell, give me a little advice.

Now I don't mean anything radical like taking her out to eat. I did that before we got married. No need to do it again.

I thought of taking her out huntin with me and the boys. But mostly we just build a big fire and drink a lot of beer. Never did shoot nuthin but some signs.

The only reason I thought of it was that she could go get us some more beer.

And there’s another reason not to bring her on a huntin trip. She likes that fancy stuff, Thunderbird wine. Or if she's feeling frisky she gets a bottle of Boones Farm strawberry wine.

Sorry to offend any ladies out there but wine just don't belong on a huntin trip. You gatta stick with tradition, beer. And lots of it too. Woman could poison a man by giving him wine after a belly full of beer.

So come on and chime in. And ladies, if you got a problem with your mate, you can chime in too.

[recluse]

Buy her a new brown coat. Fur if possible.

Take her hunting with you.

You should be able to figure the rest out on your own.

Good chance one of your hunting buddies will solve your problem for you.

[SameOldStory]

Gotcha.

Deer skin coat, coon skin cap, and fur boots.

She'll meet another guy when she's all dressed up like that and it won't be my problem no more. You're smart.

But I use her money to buy the beer! If she gets all dressed up purty like that, and then runs off, how am I gonna get my beer money?

This is her picture on our wedding day. Don't know if I want to loose someone that purty.




And this one's me. It’s on our wedding day to.



That’s our home in the background (the top part of the white one).

Being smart like you are, can think of somethin where she'll be nice to me? All I reallt want is some respect. And not getten hit so hard maybe.

Oh. Yeah. Can't take her huntin like that. One of the other guys might shoot me just to get her!

[recluse]

I can't see the pictures on my Kindle. I'll just use my imagination.

If all you want is beer money, take out an insurance policy then take her hunting like I said.

Otherwise, stop drinking, help out around the house like she asks and act like a husband, not a kid.

If she still hits you, pack up and leave.

Your choice.

[SneakySnake]