[Greg Anos]

(Cut to Lady Blue made up as an old lady. UncleDuke is made up as an old geezer. Lady Blue is sitting on a park bench, and Uncleduke hobble up with a cane to the park bench and sits next to Lady Blue.)
"Ahh, a cute one. Want to fool around?"
(Lady Blue whaps UncleDuke with her purse.)
"Ooh, a frisky one. Want to get naked?"
(Lady Blue batters UncleDuke with her purse, kicks him below the belt and shoves him off the bench.)
(UncleDuke lying on the ground) "An adventurous one. Want to call me an ambulance...


(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph)
Pshrynk: "Well, Ralph, It's time for some news."
(Four men in black suits, white shirts and black ties, walk over). "We don't permit news here."
Ralph: "Who are you fellows?"
Spokesman for the 4 guys: "We're the Moderators In Black. You first, last and only hope for a civil thread."
Ralph: "Funny, last I heard, Sybil had 17 threads."
Pshrynk: "Quiet, Ralph. Certainly we can reach an agreement with you people. This is a Comedy thread."
Spokesman: "Where?"
Pshrynk: Why, all over the thread."
One of the other Mods In Black looks around, takes out cellphone, and talks into it.: "Code 3, Hazmat. Send in a team."
Pshrynk, nonplussed: "Why can't we do news?"
Spokesman: "Because it would be slander."
Ralph: "They've been reading our scripts!"
Pshrynk: "How about the past?"
Spokesman: "That would be embarrassing to Sainted memories."
Pshrynk: "Well then, how about the future. It hasn't occurred yet, so it can't be slander."
Spokesman (Grudgingly): "I suppose you can do the future..."
(Team walks off)

Pshrynk: "OK, folks, lets get started."

Pshrynk: "Flash - Dateline 2030 - Washington. Supreme Court Chief Justice Hillary Clinton announces her engagement to long-time pal Janet Reno. When asked if she would recuse herself on the forthcoming ruling on gay marriage, she responded ' Of course not. This is about coming out of the closet, not staying in it.' President Rush Limbaugh said 'This was just another example of liberal bias.' Speaker of the House Johnny Depp refused to consider impeachment procedures, stating that 'Things were fruity enough as it was, without adding peaches to it.' "
"In a related story, there was a mass exodus from Waco, Texas..."

Ralph: "Flash - Dateline 2030 - Hollywood. Hollywood announced completion of totally realistic computer generated actors. This opens up the pandora's box of reusing famous dead actors. The first feature using the new process is Debbie Does The Three Stooges.It will be followed by other 3-D blockbusters such as Jimmy Stewart in Harvey Vs. Dillinger, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in a new Western Dancing In Front of The Herd, and William Powell, Myrna Loy, and Arnold Swartzenegger team up in Alcohol and Old Politicians. The rumors of the movie A John Wayne Chorus Line, are reported to be completely unfounded. However, the Rock Hudson/Anita Bryan vehicle The Orange Grove, has been green lighted.

Pshrynk: "We're going to sneak in a news item anyway. Flash - Dateline Yesterday - Washington D.C. Negotiation between France and Russia over which nation had the ripest cheese fell apart when French President Sarkozy and Russian President Medvedev simultaneously tried the "Pull my finger" ploy to support their country's position. President Obama was reports as commenting "Thank God they weren't negotiating over beans"...

Pshryink: "And that's the news for this week's show."

Ralph: "Sounds like they need an Open Window policy for their negotiation."


(Hard cut to VR at the announcer mike) VR: "And another breaking score - Trees 14, Dogs 6."

(Cut to short scene. Dog hikes leg at water hydrant. Hydrant suddenly shoots water out at dog, washing the dog down the street...)