Not new, but I laugh every time when I read this Joke:
Quote:
After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(Editor's Note: I recevied a series of emails in July 2008 that indicated the above statement was an urban myth. To see a list of Qantas crashes compiled by Ken Sanford, please click here.)
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in latitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Checked multiple times on the ground - latitude stable.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME* volume unbelievably loud. *Distance measuring equipment
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF* inoperative. *Identification friend or foe
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Engine number 3387726637b missing on left wing.
S: Engine number 3387726637b found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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