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I'm just kidding about all these end-of-the-world black hole scenarios. If the LHC presented any real danger, I'm sure the ancient Mayans would have warned us.
Although I have to admit to a bit of anxiety this morning when I read on the Internet that the Church of the Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon had begun celebrating the return of their leader.
My anxiety subsided when the celebrations were cancelled, however, after it was revealed that the Prophet's return was not the official fulfillment of prophecy they had expected, but only a temporary visit. As Zarquon explained to his followers, He was "concerned that if [He] stayed away from earth too long," He might "miss Doughnut Day."
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