Quote:
Originally Posted by Blas
I do understand you, if feels like they are waiting for you to idk be sorry for something that is not even under your control.
I have the same problem with my mother. I don't think it's her fault cuz in the past I gave the reason to make her judge me or still think I'm a bad person. I feel a bit tired of trying to show how I have changed, so rn I'm trying to focus on myself and my girlfriend. We want to build a family, so I just want to be mentally health and be prepared to support her as she does to me.
It's just hard to put it in practice tho, cuz thoughts are really strong and they can put you down as fast as you started thinking. I kinda feel jealous of other people that are "normal", people that are not overthinking about small things from the past or overthinking about problems that do not even exist.
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Well in 1997 after my divorce my stepmother would intercept the phone and not let me talk to my father and accuse me of things. My then husband was calling her and telling her bad things about me that never happened . Few times I talked to my dad he acted like he did not want to talk to me by being cold and rushing me off the phone so I stopped calling. Thought he would pick up the phone and call me. NOPE. He converted my bedroom to a nursery for HER grand kids thus giving me the picture I am never staying in MY HOUSE ever again. Not one single invite home for Christmas or any holiday started a few years earlier.
Same with my half sister. I moved away from home in 1988 and she never once called me or invited me back home to meet my niece and nephew. It is like I do not exist and I have no idea why my family would break my hart like this. I couldn't have done anything given I live like 1,300 miles away. I tried everything to fix this. I even invited myself to my sisters wedding. I got one of those wedding invites that was sent to be polite but not actually expecting me to show up. I was treated like a stranger like I never was part of the family ever. She once told me that she was jealous of me when I confronted her once.
My mother left the country and signed away all parental rights when i was like 10. Have not seen her since like 1981. I have a half-brother I have not seen since 1978. He had a falling out with mom and took off.
So the process of fixing this just caused more heartache. I just had to learn to accept it for my own mental health and well being