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Originally Posted by nekokami
I thought it was "L'enfer, c'est les enfants"? (Well, that's exhausted my pseudo-French for the day....)
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that would be the updated, more accurate version (technically, it's my personal version, but sartre gets more respect. so far.). sartre clearly was lucky enough to have found an appartment in a building with only old people, the bastard.
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I could probably arrange to have the cards translated into Chinese. But I've found that tossing a few jelly cups towards the kids tends to quiet them down. Asian markets stock them. I'm assuming there are Asian markets in Paris....
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tons, several within one métro station of my house (i live near the smaller, dirtier, less potentially glamourous Chinatown (there are two in paris, although the other one is not very glamourous either, just a few of the shops are more expensive), thus the comparatively high percentage of chinese families in the building. jelly cups you say ? what are those exactly ? might they be those strange desserts in metal, thimble-shaped capsules that (according to the friend who tried to make me eat one, once) you must suck out of the package as if you were sucking an egg, and which have the strange gelatinous texture of soft flan ? i may try that. on the other hand, i worry about the effect on my sanity and eardrums of those children with added sugar.
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We don't have screaming kids near us, but we do have a family with several yappy little dogs. (And one big woofer.) Apologies to people who love dogs, but the noise is unreal at times.
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oh god, yappy dogs. i had a picnic in a park last night with a friend of mine and there was a yappy dog nearby. when it first started it made my hair stand right on end because it sounded as if it were in extreme pain, but in fact it was just standing there, on the end of its leash, yipping away at the park bench, apparently.
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I've often fantasized about inventing a kind of grenade that one could toss into a yard that would emit a gas that would numb the vocal cords, painlessly and humanely silencing dogs.
Actually, that might work for small children, as well. 
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oh my god, that is PERFECT !!!!! how can we do this ? do you know any mercenary biologists ??? does ANYONE around here ? there must be at least one... i bet madam broshkina has contacts like that... maybe we should start with helium ; i believe it makes your voice go funny because it temporarily paralyses the vocal cords a bit (i could be wrong of course, but whatever) ; we should see about amplifying this effect. oh, and if we could make the voices become so high-pitched that only dogs could hear them, we might be able to make two hits with one stone, and take out even more noise-making elements than those within the radius of the grenade's action.
seriously, *why* has no-one thought of this before ????