Quote:
Originally Posted by William Campbell
I've had one other challenge, too, which is a first-person narrator. It gets tricky -- the narration IS that character's thoughts. Make him 'think' like Shakespeare, and well, the dude is out of character, eh?
You're right -- not one neat reason, or answer to all problems with prose.
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Exactly!
I ran into this problem with The Horns of September. Okay, so the protagonist Chuck talks in long, run-on sentences. He's hyper, ergo his phrasing is hyper. He doesn't take a break or pause. He's narrating the story. Okay, fine, BUT, my wonderful editor started reading this and dutifully putting commas to break where people would normally take a breath. She was almost done when she realized that that's how he talks! So she has to go back and correct all the dialog and un-take out the commas. She gets to the end and realizes that oh, crap! That's how he thinks! So she has to go back and re-read and un-take all those other commas out! It took me so long to get that book back that I was going to hunt her down and rubber stamp her in red ink. And it seemed obvious to me, but then I only wrote it ... what the heck could I know?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by William Campbell
I boil it down to clarity. If the result is incomprehensible (or a gross usage mistake like its for it's, etc.) then the sentence needs to be rewritten. But not just because it's funky. In fiction, we call that "flavor" sometimes. And a bland casserole lacking any spices, is well, boring. The last thing we want. Technical or academic documents can be as boring as they like, and they often are, putting most of us to sleep unless we really dig the subject. You can't get away with that in fiction. Bore the reader and it's all over.
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Totally on the same page with you. If the sentence reads awkwardly, it breaks the flow. The reader stops and has to re-read it. Not good. Anything that pulls you out of the story ... not good.
Like The Event, was watching it and the writer put in this foray into one of the aliens being involved in The Manhattan Project?! I was like, what? Why did he go there? Pulled me out of the very fantastically written series.
And as far as proofreaders and editors go, I have found typos in professionally published books, so let's not go getting all nutso on self-published authors. Yes, I will agree that professionally published books adhere to a certain standard of English, but a lot of the stories that line the shelves of hallowed bookstores stink - as in stinko. Then there's the fact that some authors don't even write the book they have their names on. Oh, yeah, right, they're a 'company' or 'brand.'
Smarmy. Proofread or not - it ain't right. At least I write the garbage I produce.
And I say that proudly.
