06-04-2011, 03:30 AM | #1081 |
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Trying to get back into song writing. I think I've finished the lyrics of one of my songs. It's not the same as poetry because it's harder to get a feel for the rhythm etc.. but for what it's worth:
Break the Spell Intro Hello, Can you hear me now? I've fallen down the well Of disappointment. Hey, Can you see me here? I'm lost inside the fog Of my own apathy. Aux 1 If only you could break the spell, If only you could make me swell With passion. Verse 1 Drifting through a dream that never ends, I walk alone, Awake in slumber, Protected by the walls that I defend, Safe and numb, A silent pistol. Aux 2 If only you could read my mind, If only you could hope to find My trigger. Chorus Feel me now, I'll fire the skies 'Til all the blood rains down, To be lost inside your seas. Hear me now, I'll scream the words I thought I'd never hear, Until my voice is hoarse, My eyes are tears. If only you could break the spell. Verse 2 I track each day like scratches on a wall, Alone and cold, In my cell I linger, Waiting for the anti-christ to call, To steal my soul, And drag me under. Aux 3 If only you could set me free, If only you could find the key, And free me. Chorus Feel me now, I'll fire the skies 'Til all the blood rains down, To be lost inside your seas. Hear me now, I'll scream the words I thought I'd never hear, Until my voice is hoarse, My eyes are tears. If only you could break the spell. Regards Caleb |
06-06-2011, 04:20 PM | #1082 | |
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It fits so perfectly. Good writing! |
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06-07-2011, 09:51 AM | #1083 |
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Feedback for you...
Hello, All.
I'm so glad to see that this thread continues to produce such excellent written content from all of the participants. Y'all are really talented. @Geoff Sleep Well! I am sitting here with goosepimples going up and down my body after reading your piece. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!! I'm not sure I want to go to sleep tonight! What an absolutely exquisitely written and purposed piece! Your word imagery is the best I've read in ages, Geoff. I am so impressed with this piece. The flow is just uneven enough (that's a good thing, mind...) to add to the building excitement / anticipation / horror of the piece while keeping the eye moving ahead -- almost on its own not waiting to fulling read the first word before jumping to the next. In the third stanza you bring the piece to its climax and, a shattering climax it is. I can feel myself lying in that bed drenched in sweat with my heart beating wildly. Excellent, excellent piece! Thank you for sharing it. @jdawson59 Remembering It took me quite a few minutes to read, re-read and re-read again your piece and then, quite a few minutes more before I could gather my thoughts to write these comments to you. You have written a piece that could be placed amongst all the names of the soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen it honors. Beautiful and inspiring are two words that immediately come to mind. You've not only written a fitting eulogy for the fallen but a memorial that will withstand the ages. On behalf of myself, my father and all my other family members who have served and are still serving, thank you for this fitting tribute. @Caleb Break the Spell Let me tell you, Caleb, I want a copy of this once you've put it to music. Beautifully written and an excellent story. It reminds me of something Pink Floyd would have written. Your flow is great; your word imagery grabbing. Very well written and a great set of lyrics! Regards, |
06-10-2011, 02:29 AM | #1084 | |
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06-10-2011, 07:10 PM | #1085 | |
Bah, humbug!
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06-12-2011, 10:10 AM | #1086 |
Chocolate Grasshopper ...
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Forgive me if I don't comment on the recent excellent posts, we're just about getting ready to leave and I thought I'd drop these two in .... whilst celebrating my 25,000th post on MR !
Time I one birth one living one dying; one account measured in heartbeats. © 6 June 2011 Time II a glass up-ended a scream one grain of sand falls one birth a glass to drain a trickle a flood aperiodic falls one living a glass nigh empty a silhouette plays reminisces a final grain falls one death. © 6 June 2011 |
06-13-2011, 08:34 AM | #1087 |
...always be humble.
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Some Feedback...
@jdawson59 Where Have You Gone?
I am so sorry to read of your loss, my friend. There is so much I want to write about your piece and I find myself unable to express the emotions it has brought to the surface. You have written a legacy -- a memorial to a life lived, loved and shared. Beautiful!! I lost a sister in 2001, a sister in 2002 and my mother in 2003 -- all to cancer. Would that we could find a cure for this monster. Thank you, jdawson59, for this touching and, at times, overwhelming work. I am grateful to you for being to express my feelings with your beautiful words. Thank you... @Geoff Time I Words only carry the message and, if the message can be conveyed in a few words, even more so is the power they deliver. Time I delivered on that thought -- succinct yet, rich in its meaning; short yet, powerfully long in its message. This is a wonderfully written and very meaningful piece. Time II If life can ever be summed up in three short stanzas then you have done so in this beautifully written piece. I am so impressed with your writting style, Geoff. It makes me want to dig deep within myself and pull out those thoughts, desires and actions I keep hidden away -- sometimes even from myself. You're an inspiration, Geoff. Thank you for sharing yourself and your exquisite work. Regards, |
06-13-2011, 03:54 PM | #1088 |
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This one was my first to be published:
Lost in internet Serving day and night, in the internet. Looking for some light, not to go to bed. All the friends have gone many days before. Leaving you alone, surfing even more. |
07-06-2011, 08:03 AM | #1089 |
The Dank Side of the Moon
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07-12-2011, 07:24 AM | #1090 |
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What Bukowski Thought
Red wheelbarrow my ass I’ll glaze your friggin’ chickens with peanut sauce in my red-hot oven. Kenny A. Chaffin – 6/19/11 |
07-12-2011, 07:28 AM | #1091 |
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Crazy Casey Anthony
Where’s the little girl? Where’s the little girl? Where’s little Caylee? Where can she be? No one’s seen the two year old stories are made and changed. Searches look both high and low but not a sign is found. Where’s the little girl? Where’s the little girl? Where’s little Caylee? Where can she be? Cadaver dogs get a hit decomposition in the trunk they learn that Casey’s been away in the dancebar getting drunk. Arrested, incarcerated, losing precisely the thing she thought she’d gained. Where’s the little girl? Where’s the little girl? Where’s little Caylee? Where can she be? Water recedes six months later a meter reader finds her then beside the road just a half-mile away from grandma’s house. Where’s the little girl? Where’s the little girl? Where’s little Caylee? Where can she be? A crown of peace formed of seedlings grows in skull-matted hair. Duct tape threads remember a nose and mouth now gone. Small bones scattered by predators and their needs confirm that it is her. Where’s the little girl? Where’s the little girl? Where’s little Caylee? Where can she be? Kenny A. Chaffin – 6/12/11 (I'm still fighting with this one....) Last edited by kennyc; 07-12-2011 at 07:32 AM. |
07-12-2011, 08:01 AM | #1092 |
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Toxic
Toxic needs threads of evil posted not for good but for some selfish inner need to stir and blacken the pot Like snipers killing fuel pump patrons they threaten a community of love Kenny A. Chaffin – 7/12/11 |
07-12-2011, 07:38 PM | #1093 |
Bah, humbug!
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07-12-2011, 07:40 PM | #1094 | |
Bah, humbug!
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07-12-2011, 08:10 PM | #1095 |
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Thanks tom
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poetry, squirrelku |
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