Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 646

Fbone · 04-15-2017, 02:08 AM

A backwards poet writes inverse.

drjd · 04-16-2017, 06:51 AM

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Fbone · 04-16-2017, 04:27 PM

Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging.

drjd · 04-17-2017, 04:07 AM

When applicant numbers to follow optometry were low, the School authorities decided to re-advertise, to dilate the pupils!

Fbone · 04-17-2017, 06:26 PM

Do hungry time-travelers ever go back four seconds?

issybird · 04-20-2017, 09:20 PM

Make it stop!

Fbone · 04-21-2017, 03:05 AM

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

Bookpossum · 04-21-2017, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Make it stop!

Who knew that unicorns drank alcohol?

drjd · 04-22-2017, 03:57 AM

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.

"Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? "

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."

Fbone · 04-23-2017, 01:07 AM

I tried wearing some tight jeans, but I couldn't pull it off.

drjd · 04-23-2017, 06:22 AM

If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying.

John K · 04-23-2017, 08:47 AM

I solved the problem of too many visiting relatives.
I borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones.
Now none of them come back.

drjd · 04-24-2017, 04:08 AM

How does one scoop ice cream? It's a matter of great cone sequence.

Andy_T · 04-24-2017, 08:52 AM

Makes sense...

Andy_T · 04-24-2017, 10:21 AM

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
(Only a fraction of people will find this funny)

04-20-2017, 09:20 PM	#9681
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,210 Karma: 222235366 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5	Make it stop! Attached Thumbnails

04-24-2017, 08:52 AM	#9689
Andy_T Evangelist Posts: 431 Karma: 5121676 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Hannover, Germany Device: iPod touch, iPhone, iPad, Kindle KB, NT, Fire, PW II	Makes sense... Attached Thumbnails

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04-15-2017, 02:08 AM	#9676
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A backwards poet writes inverse.

04-16-2017, 06:51 AM	#9677
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said. “Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

04-16-2017, 04:27 PM	#9678
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging.

04-17-2017, 04:07 AM	#9679
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	When applicant numbers to follow optometry were low, the School authorities decided to re-advertise, to dilate the pupils!

04-17-2017, 06:26 PM	#9680
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Do hungry time-travelers ever go back four seconds?

04-21-2017, 03:05 AM	#9682
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

04-22-2017, 03:57 AM	#9684
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."

04-23-2017, 01:07 AM	#9685
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I tried wearing some tight jeans, but I couldn't pull it off.

04-23-2017, 06:22 AM	#9686
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying.

04-23-2017, 08:47 AM	#9687
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	I solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. I borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

04-24-2017, 04:08 AM	#9688
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	How does one scoop ice cream? It's a matter of great cone sequence.

04-24-2017, 10:21 AM	#9690
Andy_T Evangelist Posts: 431 Karma: 5121676 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Hannover, Germany Device: iPod touch, iPhone, iPad, Kindle KB, NT, Fire, PW II	There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (Only a fraction of people will find this funny)