Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-19-2023, 11:16 AM   #1
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
Terrible Jokes

A man walks into an Indian restaurant. Before he makes an order, the waiter gives him a form to sign.

The only thing on the form is a sentence saying "We have naan at this restaurant."

The man asks why he needed to sign this.

Impatiently, the waiter replies "Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on."
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2023, 11:18 AM   #2
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
I asked the librarian if there was a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat.

They said it rang a bell, but they weren't sure if it was there or not.
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Advert
Old 05-19-2023, 02:26 PM   #3
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2023, 02:46 PM   #4
Sirtel
Grand Sorcerer
Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sirtel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Sirtel's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,725
Karma: 231444562
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Estonia
Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by DNSB View Post
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Those evil, insidious home appliances! I wonder if they have a secret plan to destroy humans and take over the world...
Sirtel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2023, 09:08 PM   #5
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
Quote:
Originally Posted by DNSB View Post
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Yes, but is the fridge also responsible for missing socks?
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Advert
Old 05-20-2023, 03:39 AM   #6
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Elly.
Elly who?
Elly-mentary, my dear Watson!
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-2023, 07:19 AM   #7
fum
Zealot
fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.fum ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 119
Karma: 728454
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Århus, Denmark
Device: PWII
How many does it take to circumcise a whale?
Four skin divers.
fum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-2023, 06:03 PM   #8
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!” His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2023, 04:00 AM   #9
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2023, 01:53 PM   #10
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2023, 12:59 AM   #11
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, "They tested it and told me I’m A positive."

The imam follows up with, "Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative."

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, "Pretty sure I’m a type O."
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2023, 04:38 PM   #12
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2023, 12:11 AM   #13
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.

The bartender asks, "What’s wrong, buddy?"

The Möbius strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2023, 12:17 AM   #14
DNSB
Bibliophagist
DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
DNSB's Avatar
 
Posts: 41,125
Karma: 158160884
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.
DNSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2023, 07:03 AM   #15
ownedbycats
Custom User Title
ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ownedbycats's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,717
Karma: 67921475
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him. I know the drill.
ownedbycats is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
awful sense of humour, dad jokes, not always terrible, silliness

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
DO NOT BUY ONYX BOOX! Terrible device, terrible customer service! alain_desilets Onyx Boox 15 05-05-2015 04:54 PM
PB - Jokes cipri PocketBook 50 04-06-2011 03:13 PM
April Jokes doctorow Lounge 2 04-01-2005 11:24 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:26 AM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.