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Old 01-01-2018, 06:04 AM   #9976
drjd
The Couch Potato
drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramen to

When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:37 AM   #9977
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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On New Year's Eve, Ann stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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Old 01-03-2018, 06:31 AM   #9978
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.
Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
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Old 01-04-2018, 06:11 AM   #9979
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."
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Old 01-05-2018, 05:20 AM   #9980
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character.
Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.

The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common - they were both compulsive liars.
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Old 01-07-2018, 05:43 AM   #9981
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"

The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."
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Old 01-10-2018, 05:22 AM   #9982
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent.
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Old 01-11-2018, 12:38 PM   #9983
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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After twelve years in prison, a man finally escapes.
When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, "Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!"
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Old 01-12-2018, 05:05 AM   #9984
yvanleterrible
Reborn Paper User
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drjd View Post
After twelve years in prison, a man finally escapes.
When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, "Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!"
So? Did he go back to prison to escape her?
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Old 01-13-2018, 07:31 AM   #9985
drjd
The Couch Potato
drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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'Excuse me,' a young fellow said to an older man, 'I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?'

'Well,' replied the older man, 'I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet.'
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Old 01-13-2018, 07:43 AM   #9986
WT Sharpe
Bah, humbug!
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I love this one!
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Old 01-15-2018, 04:48 AM   #9987
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Old 01-16-2018, 10:13 AM   #9988
issybird
o saeclum infacetum
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//substitute preferred whisky beverage//
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Old 01-18-2018, 03:59 AM   #9989
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Billy Brown decided it was time to buy a new house, so he decided to sell his old house and put the matter in a real estate agent's hands.

The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Bill read it, he turned to the agent and asked, 'Does my house have everything your ad says it does?'

The agent said, 'It certainly does. Why do you ask?'

Bill replied, 'Cancel the sale. It's exactly what I'm looking for!'
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Old 01-20-2018, 04:14 AM   #9990
drjd
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drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.drjd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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There's no definitive way to tell if someone is completely colour-blind. There's a lot of grey area.
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