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Old 02-05-2013, 02:44 PM   #6016
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:53 PM   #6017
PeterT
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I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

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This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

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I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz.

The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

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Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

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All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have
nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:17 PM   #6018
Stitchawl
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:19 PM   #6019
Bookpossum
Snoozing in the sun
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Now look what you have started, Peter!
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:22 PM   #6020
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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Well he has a puny bone obviously
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:47 PM   #6021
PeterT
Grand Sorcerer
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I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:40 AM   #6022
orlok
Close to the Edit!
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Husband: "Nothing."

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Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:37 AM   #6023
steven522
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An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.

He was charged with a salt and batteries.
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Old 02-06-2013, 12:39 PM   #6024
wodin
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And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”

So God made a banker.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:22 PM   #6025
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:29 PM   #6026
WT Sharpe
Bah, humbug!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steven522 View Post
Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:05 PM   #6027
Ajax
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Two atoms are walking down the street together.

The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
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Old 02-06-2013, 09:54 PM   #6028
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:40 AM   #6029
PeterT
Grand Sorcerer
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“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”
Is this like the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, where by I deposit $1 now and by the wonders of compound interest can afford to buy a Pepsi in 2030?
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Old 02-07-2013, 09:34 AM   #6030
steven522
binomial: homo legentem
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...I deposit $1 now and by the wonders of compound interest can afford to buy a Pepsi in 2030?
Not with today's economy...
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