Silliness A Duck, armadillo, cat, Panda etc walk into a bar! - Page 5

vivaldirules · 07-20-2008, 07:57 PM

For the physicists out there (where's that zerospinboson guy, anyway?):

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'

RickyMaveety · 07-20-2008, 07:58 PM

A Christian young man marries a lovely young Jewish girl. The service goes beautifully, and they leave on their honeymoon. That night, she spends a long time in the bathroom getting ready for their first night as man and wife.

She walks out of the bathroom (looking spectacular) only to see him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, looking miserable.

She says, "Darling, what's the matter!!??"

He says, "Honey, I am so sorry. I really screwed this up. I can't tell you how miserable I am, but we can't have sex .... it's Lent!!"

And she says "To whom, and for how long??"

slayda · 07-20-2008, 08:00 PM

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

----------------------------

A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings.

The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud."

"But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes.

"Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slayda

A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings.

The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud."

"But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes.

"Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."

hahahaha !!!!

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 08:04 PM

Q:How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

A:None. Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution

Taylor514ce · 07-20-2008, 08:10 PM

Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

And the agnostic dyslexic insomniac. The poor guy stays awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.

daffy4u · 07-20-2008, 08:11 PM

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.

nice ! the stealth duck joke !

Quote:

And the agnostic dyslexic insomniac. The poor guy stays awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.

dyslexics of the world, untie !

Taylor514ce · 07-20-2008, 08:15 PM

Oh, I so hoped someone would see the duck in my post. How little faith I had, it seems.

daffy4u · 07-20-2008, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Oh, I so hoped someone would see the duck in my post. How little faith I had, it seems.

Quack! You're the only keeping on topic. Stop it!

daffy4u · 07-20-2008, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.

vivaldirules · 07-20-2008, 08:22 PM

This duck walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down around your ankles!"

daffy4u · 07-20-2008, 08:25 PM

For my favorite robot.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

For my favorite robot.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

so true !!!

(and speaking of robots and conquerors, where is tinmouse lately ??)

daffy4u · 07-20-2008, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

so true !!!

(and speaking of robots and conquerors, where is tinmouse lately ??)

Maybe reading? Sometimes I even try it.

Or maybe he and Taylor are drinking milkshakes together and Taylor is trying to distract us.

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07-20-2008, 07:57 PM	#61
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	For the physicists out there (where's that zerospinboson guy, anyway?): Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'

07-20-2008, 07:58 PM	#62
RickyMaveety Holy S**T!!! Posts: 5,213 Karma: 108401 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: San Diego, California!! Device: Kindle and iPad	A Christian young man marries a lovely young Jewish girl. The service goes beautifully, and they leave on their honeymoon. That night, she spends a long time in the bathroom getting ready for their first night as man and wife. She walks out of the bathroom (looking spectacular) only to see him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, looking miserable. She says, "Darling, what's the matter!!??" He says, "Honey, I am so sorry. I really screwed this up. I can't tell you how miserable I am, but we can't have sex .... it's Lent!!" And she says "To whom, and for how long??"

07-20-2008, 08:00 PM	#63
slayda Retired & reading more! Posts: 2,764 Karma: 1884247 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: North Alabama, USA Device: Kindle 1, iPad Air 2, iPhone 6S+, Kobo Aura One	A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" ---------------------------- A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings. The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud." "But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes. "Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."

07-20-2008, 08:04 PM	#65
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	Q:How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb? A:None. Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution

07-20-2008, 08:10 PM	#66
Taylor514ce Actively passive. Posts: 2,042 Karma: 478376 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: US Device: Sony PRS-505/LC	Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. And the agnostic dyslexic insomniac. The poor guy stays awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.

07-20-2008, 08:11 PM	#67
daffy4u I'm Super Kindle-icious Posts: 6,734 Karma: 2434103 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Long Drive, Calinadia Candafornia Device: KDXG, KT, Oasis	One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

07-20-2008, 08:15 PM	#69
Taylor514ce Actively passive. Posts: 2,042 Karma: 478376 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: US Device: Sony PRS-505/LC	Oh, I so hoped someone would see the duck in my post. How little faith I had, it seems.

07-20-2008, 08:22 PM	#72
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	This duck walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down around your ankles!"

07-20-2008, 08:25 PM	#73
daffy4u I'm Super Kindle-icious Posts: 6,734 Karma: 2434103 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Long Drive, Calinadia Candafornia Device: KDXG, KT, Oasis	For my favorite robot. Why did the robot order a milkshake? To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.