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Old 05-17-2014, 06:10 PM   #7726
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked.

“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:09 PM   #7727
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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While flying from Denver to Kansas City, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:15 PM   #7728
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True story:

When our daughter was in kindergarten the families were invited to visit for a Thanksgiving Day presentation. As a stay-at-home dad I was one of the few fathers who was able to attend.

During the assembly the kids were asked to name three things they were thankful for. When it was our daughter's turn she stood up and announced that she was thankful for her teacher (her teacher smiled proudly), her Mom (her Mom smiled proudly), and ... Jack, her best friend's dog.

I'm sure I would have been next on the list.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:38 PM   #7729
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Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?


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Old 05-20-2014, 06:04 AM   #7730
yvanleterrible
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”
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Originally Posted by cromag View Post
True story:

When our daughter was in kindergarten the families were invited to visit for a Thanksgiving Day presentation. As a stay-at-home dad I was one of the few fathers who was able to attend.

During the assembly the kids were asked to name three things they were thankful for. When it was our daughter's turn she stood up and announced that she was thankful for her teacher (her teacher smiled proudly), her Mom (her Mom smiled proudly), and ... Jack, her best friend's dog.

I'm sure I would have been next on the list.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?


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... And then five years later a dad's popularity falls way down the appreciation list between stinging insects and diarrhea...
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:06 AM   #7731
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Grand Sorcerer
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My four year old points at other people on the bus and says that's my dad. While I'm there.

I feel like Rodney Dangerfield.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:34 PM   #7732
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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Talking

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Still hot, with or without her spoon...
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Old 05-21-2014, 12:18 PM   #7733
BenG
Home Guard
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Old 05-21-2014, 01:05 PM   #7734
Glorfindel
Force-Aware Elf
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:r ofl:
+1,000 lol thats the truth

Last edited by Glorfindel; 05-21-2014 at 01:10 PM.
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Old 05-21-2014, 04:20 PM   #7735
PieMan597
Still a pie
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Yes. After just reading the book and watching the movies, that's what it is.
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Old 05-21-2014, 09:31 PM   #7736
DMcCunney
New York Editor
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It's not entirely Jackson's fault. As usual with Hollywood, you have to follow the money.

Jackson originally didn't want to direct The Hobbit. He had other projects he wanted to do, and wanted to produce, but have Guillermo Del Toro direct.

There were problems with Del Toro's schedule, and additional roadblocks tossed in because Jackson was suing New Line Cinema, claiming he didn't get what was owed him in the contract for the LoTR films. The issues were eventually resolved with Jackson agreeing to produce and direct.

The original plan was two films - The Hobbit itself, and a second covering the period between the end of The Hobbit and the beginning of LoTR. There was enough of the back story tucked away in the LoTR appendices to build a film around, though a lot would have to be interpolated.

Making three films seems to have been a New Line Cinema notion. They remember the LoTR films, where the first one brought in enough revenue to cover the costs of making all three plus a healthy profit, and the other two films were pure gravy. I think they had dreams of repeating that success.

When you are producing and directing for Hollywood, you are constrained by what the people putting up the money want. If the studio says "Thou Shalt Make Three Films" from this effort, you make three films.

With luck, we will not see an attempt to make a film of the Silmarillion.
______
Dennis
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Old 05-25-2014, 04:15 AM   #7737
Stitchawl
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An atheist was walking through the woods and heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could but tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over and the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'? 'Very Well,' said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive....'


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Old 05-25-2014, 07:03 AM   #7738
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 curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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Lonely

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. " Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared because there were no brain cells around, and she yelled at the top of her voice,

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away....









"We're down here."
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Old 05-26-2014, 04:07 AM   #7739
boysingh
Connoisseur
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hahahahaha, really made my day! The jokes here are great!
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Old 05-27-2014, 07:17 AM   #7740
orlok
Close to the Edit!
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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response...

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her... "Honey, what's for dinner?"
















"Ralph, for THE FIFTH @@@@@@@ TIME.......CHICKEN!"
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