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Old 11-07-2019, 10:07 AM   #10666
Bilbo1967
Not scared!
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Personally, I can't eat fat people or those without podiatric digits.

I'm both glutton and lack toes intolerant.

Spoiler:
I'll get my coat!
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Old 11-07-2019, 10:19 AM   #10667
issybird
o saeclum infacetum
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Good doctor. I know from experience that eating gluttons makes one put on weight terribly fast, what with all the fat. But they do taste so much better than those skinny beanstalks...
You're mistaken. Gluttons are much more keto friendly. The skinny need to be buttered if you want to go into ketosis.
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Old 11-08-2019, 02:13 AM   #10668
doubleshuffle
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^ Thanks.

Can you offer advice about my wife? She always brings home white toy bears. Does she have buy polar disorder?
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Old 11-08-2019, 05:52 AM   #10669
drjd
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The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"

She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"
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Old 11-10-2019, 03:59 PM   #10670
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The only time the world beats a path to your door...

Is when you're in the bathroom!
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Old 11-11-2019, 02:16 AM   #10671
doubleshuffle
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I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.
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Old 11-11-2019, 02:43 PM   #10672
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A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"

The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family."

The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"
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Old 11-11-2019, 09:37 PM   #10673
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"

The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family."

The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"
Our being here all the time is a good argument for that kid...
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Old 11-12-2019, 02:33 AM   #10674
doubleshuffle
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Old 11-12-2019, 02:53 PM   #10675
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I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.
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Old 11-13-2019, 09:14 AM   #10676
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.
A Marvel of a Joker disguise probably?
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Old 11-13-2019, 03:43 PM   #10677
drjd
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When the famous napper died his tombstone read R.I.P. Van Winkle.
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Old 11-15-2019, 01:52 AM   #10678
doubleshuffle
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Why does Harry Potter always confuse his cooking pot and his best friend? They're both cauldron.
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Old 11-15-2019, 03:07 PM   #10679
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Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm.

After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done.

His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"

Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."
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Old 11-15-2019, 07:28 PM   #10680
Adoby
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The farmer had 38 sheep out grazing. After rounding them up he had 40.
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