Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 394

steven522 · 01-08-2013, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

proudly announce the "edition" of a new member

George 2.0

poohbear_nc · 01-08-2013, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

George 2.0

Fbone · 01-08-2013, 12:27 PM

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

steven522 · 01-09-2013, 09:18 AM

Speaking of Windows... Not really a joke, but humorous nonetheless.

Our company has a policy of "OS skip" when it comes to Windows:
- We are skipping Windows 8 and leaving Windows 7 on all systems for now.
- We skipped Vista and left Windows XP.
- We skipped Windows ME and left Windows 98.

The reasoning is that every other release by Microsoft has been a nightmare that gets more-or-less corrected in the followup in-between. Here's to whatever comes after "8"...

phenomshel · 01-09-2013, 03:51 PM

Our store director likes to inform us via notes on the time clock that if we don't follow rule something or other that "disciplanary" action will be taken.

Fbone · 01-09-2013, 07:03 PM

Sign in a laundromat: “Automatic washing machines. Remove all your clothes when the light goes out.”

guanaco · 01-10-2013, 01:41 AM

There were four country churches in a small town: one Presbyterian, one Baptist, one Methodist, and one Catholic. One day, the four churches were infested by squirrels.

The Presbyterian church convened a meeting to decide what to do with the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, the Assembly determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and that they should not interfere with God's will.

In the Baptist church the squirrels had taken refuge in the baptismal font. The elders got together and decided to put a lid on the font and drown the squirrels there. Somehow, the squirrels escaped and the following week they had doubled their number.

In the Methodist church, the faithful came together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any creature of God. So they carefully caught all the squirrels and set them free a few kilometers outside of the town. Three days later, the squirrels had returned.

The Catholic church had the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now the squirrels only show on Christmas and on Easter Sunday.

orlok · 01-10-2013, 08:51 AM

My wife and I were overjoyed when our new baby arrived. I walked proudly into the Registry Office to officially register her name:

"We'd like to call her Charlotte."

"Sorry," said the clerk. "Charlotte has already been assigned. You can have Charlotte3549 or Charlotte_23."

Nexutix · 01-10-2013, 11:59 AM

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Spoiler:

Fbone · 01-10-2013, 01:55 PM

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

guanaco · 01-11-2013, 01:12 AM

Choose your answer.

Elementary school teacher: Because he wanted to arrive to the other side.

Middle school teacher: Even if I explain it, my dear little beasts, you will not understand.

College teacher: In order to know why the chicken crossed the road (and this will be in tomorrow's midterm) you need to read the textbook... from page 2 to page 3050.

Buddha: Asking that negates the chicken's nature.

The Bible: And God descended from Heaven and said to the chicken "cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road. And God saw that it was good.

Socrates: Do you know what a chicken is?

Plato: Because he wanted to get out of the cave.

Aristotle: It is in chickens nature to cross the road.

Machiavelli: The question is the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justify the means.

Columbus: To go where not other chicken has gone before.

Descartes: The chicken crossed the road and then existed.

Shakespeare: To be.

Darwin: Over long periods of time, chickens have been naturally selected so they now have a genetic disposition to cross roads.

Einstein: If the chicken has crossed the road, or the road has moved below the chicken's feet, depends on your frame of reference.

Freud: The fact that you are worried because the chicken crosses or not the road reveals your own sexual insecurities.

Paulo Coelho: The entire universe conspired to make the chicken cross the road.

Martin Luther King: I have a dream that one day this nation will stop questioning if the chicken crossed the road or not.

Fidel Castro: Chickens can only cross roads inside Cuba... and only if they are chased by a Yankee.

Hugo Chavez: The chicken crossed the road because he is a puppy of the Empire... I smell of sulphur.

George W. Bush: The &*?@! bastard chicken crossed the road because he hates American people. And he hates us because we love freedom... But we got him... God bless the U.S.A.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because he wanted change.

Yoda: Temptation of dark side of the force strong is. Chicken could not resist and the road crossed was.

Homer Simpson: mmmm... chicken!

Format C: · 01-11-2013, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guanaco

Choose your answer.

....

Apple: iChicken has changed forever the way roads are crossed. Now, just downloading the Cross App from iTunes, every Apple approved chicken can cross Apple approved roads. Even if he doesn't want to.

Microsoft: A bug prevented the chicken from staying on this side of the road. Chicken 8 SP2 will address this issue (KB093364527)

Kindle: Due to Copyright and Geo-restiction issues, Amazon had to put your chicken on the other side of the road. It's all in the small print of your TOS.

Apple (2): Because it's the right thing to do. You cannot have it any other way. Every chicken have to be on the other side.

Commodore: we had the first chicken to cross a road ever. But the market wasn't ready for it.

Linux: because the chicken package was not supported on this side of the road. But you can change the chicken's source code as you wish.

Accenture: Here's a 48 slide powerpoint showing you that the chicken crossed the road because he wanted to. We will send our million dollar bill for the consultancy ASAP. And we will keep the chicken.

Nielsen: 75,46% of chicken in the consumer market cross roads.

Robert Johnson: "he was standing at the crossroad and he fell down on his knees..."

Eric Clapton: "he was standing at the crossroad and he fell down on his knees..."

Format C: · 01-11-2013, 04:49 AM

About Italian chickens:

Berlusconi: I am the best chicken of the last 150 years. I had to cross that road because of those communist policemen and judges who are conspiring against me.

Berlusconi (2): the ckicken saw a big-boobies chick on the other side.

FIAT: the chicken had plenty of time to cross the road before our speeding car was there.

Prada: she was performing a fashion show for our new feather collection.

Cosa Nostra: he couldn't refuse our proposal to cross the road.

Cosa Nostra (2): I did not see any chicken. I did not hear any chicken. I won't talk about chickens.

Ferrari F1: Vettel's Red Bull was already there.

Juventus FC: he crossed the road to assign us a penalty shoot and to let us win the Championship. We paid him for that.

Every Italian TV Station: Belen Rodriguez is having a baby. Her tits are getting bigger.

Fbone · 01-11-2013, 02:03 PM

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

yhamm · 01-12-2013, 03:33 PM

Things that make you go "huh."

01-10-2013, 11:59 AM	#5904
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Spoiler: Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

01-11-2013, 01:12 AM	#5906
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	Why the chicken crossed the road? Choose your answer. Elementary school teacher: Because he wanted to arrive to the other side. Middle school teacher: Even if I explain it, my dear little beasts, you will not understand. College teacher: In order to know why the chicken crossed the road (and this will be in tomorrow's midterm) you need to read the textbook... from page 2 to page 3050. Buddha: Asking that negates the chicken's nature. The Bible: And God descended from Heaven and said to the chicken "cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road. And God saw that it was good. Socrates: Do you know what a chicken is? Plato: Because he wanted to get out of the cave. Aristotle: It is in chickens nature to cross the road. Machiavelli: The question is the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justify the means. Columbus: To go where not other chicken has gone before. Descartes: The chicken crossed the road and then existed. Shakespeare: To be. Darwin: Over long periods of time, chickens have been naturally selected so they now have a genetic disposition to cross roads. Einstein: If the chicken has crossed the road, or the road has moved below the chicken's feet, depends on your frame of reference. Freud: The fact that you are worried because the chicken crosses or not the road reveals your own sexual insecurities. Paulo Coelho: The entire universe conspired to make the chicken cross the road. Martin Luther King: I have a dream that one day this nation will stop questioning if the chicken crossed the road or not. Fidel Castro: Chickens can only cross roads inside Cuba... and only if they are chased by a Yankee. Hugo Chavez: The chicken crossed the road because he is a puppy of the Empire... I smell of sulphur. George W. Bush: The &*?@! bastard chicken crossed the road because he hates American people. And he hates us because we love freedom... But we got him... God bless the U.S.A. Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because he wanted change. Yoda: Temptation of dark side of the force strong is. Chicken could not resist and the road crossed was. Homer Simpson: mmmm... chicken!

01-12-2013, 03:33 PM	#5910
yhamm Zealot Posts: 144 Karma: 988144 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Canada Device: kobo aura h20	Things that make you go "huh." Attached Thumbnails

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01-08-2013, 12:27 PM	#5898
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

01-09-2013, 09:18 AM	#5899
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Speaking of Windows... Not really a joke, but humorous nonetheless. Our company has a policy of "OS skip" when it comes to Windows: - We are skipping Windows 8 and leaving Windows 7 on all systems for now. - We skipped Vista and left Windows XP. - We skipped Windows ME and left Windows 98. The reasoning is that every other release by Microsoft has been a nightmare that gets more-or-less corrected in the followup in-between. Here's to whatever comes after "8"...

01-09-2013, 03:51 PM	#5900
phenomshel ZCD BombShel Posts: 4,793 Karma: 8293322 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Frozen North (aka Illinois, USA) Device: iPad, STB Kindle Oasis	Our store director likes to inform us via notes on the time clock that if we don't follow rule something or other that "disciplanary" action will be taken.

01-09-2013, 07:03 PM	#5901
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Sign in a laundromat: “Automatic washing machines. Remove all your clothes when the light goes out.”

01-10-2013, 01:41 AM	#5902
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	There were four country churches in a small town: one Presbyterian, one Baptist, one Methodist, and one Catholic. One day, the four churches were infested by squirrels. The Presbyterian church convened a meeting to decide what to do with the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, the Assembly determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and that they should not interfere with God's will. In the Baptist church the squirrels had taken refuge in the baptismal font. The elders got together and decided to put a lid on the font and drown the squirrels there. Somehow, the squirrels escaped and the following week they had doubled their number. In the Methodist church, the faithful came together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any creature of God. So they carefully caught all the squirrels and set them free a few kilometers outside of the town. Three days later, the squirrels had returned. The Catholic church had the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now the squirrels only show on Christmas and on Easter Sunday.

01-10-2013, 08:51 AM	#5903
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	My wife and I were overjoyed when our new baby arrived. I walked proudly into the Registry Office to officially register her name: "We'd like to call her Charlotte." "Sorry," said the clerk. "Charlotte has already been assigned. You can have Charlotte3549 or Charlotte_23."

01-10-2013, 01:55 PM	#5905
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

01-11-2013, 04:49 AM	#5908
Format C: Guru Posts: 753 Karma: 1496807 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The Third World Device: iLiad + PRS-505 + Kindle 3	About Italian chickens: Berlusconi: I am the best chicken of the last 150 years. I had to cross that road because of those communist policemen and judges who are conspiring against me. Berlusconi (2): the ckicken saw a big-boobies chick on the other side. FIAT: the chicken had plenty of time to cross the road before our speeding car was there. Prada: she was performing a fashion show for our new feather collection. Cosa Nostra: he couldn't refuse our proposal to cross the road. Cosa Nostra (2): I did not see any chicken. I did not hear any chicken. I won't talk about chickens. Ferrari F1: Vettel's Red Bull was already there. Juventus FC: he crossed the road to assign us a penalty shoot and to let us win the Championship. We paid him for that. Every Italian TV Station: Belen Rodriguez is having a baby. Her tits are getting bigger.

01-11-2013, 02:03 PM	#5909
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.