Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 689

drjd · 11-13-2018, 05:54 AM

I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available".

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and they told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.

Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and the answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"

Fbone · 11-14-2018, 01:11 AM

I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.

Adoby · 11-14-2018, 04:54 AM

I once had a splinter.

Eventually it got out of hand.

Adoby · 11-14-2018, 05:06 AM

Two whales walk into a bar.

First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo

Second whale says:

Spoiler:

drjd · 11-14-2018, 05:55 AM

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

drjd · 11-15-2018, 06:18 AM

My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now.

Fbone · 11-16-2018, 01:09 AM

I’d love to have a deep meaningful discussion with my daughter, but I’m not that good at emojis.

drjd · 11-16-2018, 04:36 AM

I just can't see why you say I'm myopic.

Andy_T · 11-16-2018, 05:57 AM

... of sense....

drjd · 11-17-2018, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andy_T

... of sense....

Groan..

drjd · 11-17-2018, 05:16 AM

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

Fbone · 11-17-2018, 04:30 PM

I cheated on my diet yesterday with a prettier, sluttier diet.

drjd · 11-18-2018, 05:31 AM

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Fbone · 11-19-2018, 12:19 AM

One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.

drjd · 11-19-2018, 05:50 AM

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: “HIJACK!”
All passengers got scared.
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back “HI JOHN”.

11-14-2018, 05:06 AM	#10324
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	Two whales walk into a bar. First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo Second whale says: Spoiler: Shut up Bob, you're drunk!

11-16-2018, 05:57 AM	#10329
Andy_T Evangelist Posts: 431 Karma: 5121676 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Hannover, Germany Device: iPod touch, iPhone, iPad, Kindle KB, NT, Fire, PW II	Makes a lot ... ... of sense.... Attached Thumbnails

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11-13-2018, 05:54 AM	#10321
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available". I had to ask the clerk what it was for and they told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that. Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and the answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"

11-14-2018, 01:11 AM	#10322
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.

11-14-2018, 04:54 AM	#10323
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	I once had a splinter. Eventually it got out of hand.

11-14-2018, 05:55 AM	#10325
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

11-15-2018, 06:18 AM	#10326
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now.

11-16-2018, 01:09 AM	#10327
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I’d love to have a deep meaningful discussion with my daughter, but I’m not that good at emojis.

11-16-2018, 04:36 AM	#10328
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I just can't see why you say I'm myopic.

11-17-2018, 05:16 AM	#10331
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

11-17-2018, 04:30 PM	#10332
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I cheated on my diet yesterday with a prettier, sluttier diet.

11-18-2018, 05:31 AM	#10333
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

11-19-2018, 12:19 AM	#10334
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.

11-19-2018, 05:50 AM	#10335
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: “HIJACK!” All passengers got scared. From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back “HI JOHN”.