Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[Sirtel]

Originally Posted by DNSB

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. It not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary.

This also goes for many other languages. Estonian language, for example, has borrowed nearly one third of its vocabulary from German and also many words from Russian, Finnish, Swedish and recently from English.

[ownedbycats]

Originally Posted by JSWolf

There is no one English. It started from the English in use in the UK way back when. Then every place evolved their own version from there. Good examples are the US, CA, AU, and UK.

I like how Canadian English infuriates both US and UK English users

[DNSB]

Ran into this again...

[ownedbycats]

I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards.

It was spam.

[DNSB]

I found a spider jumping up and down on my keyboard. They was trying to make a web-site.

[DNSB]

I found this rather humorous. YMMV.

[DNSB]

Do British websites use biscuits? Inquiring minds would like to know...

[PoP]

[QUOTE=DNSB;4584821]I found this rather humorous. YMMV.

Hahaha Thankfully it was only a vending machine and not an autonomous weapon of some sort!

[ownedbycats]

Several years ago, Jim was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all the other inmates.

The warden believed that, deep down, Jim was a decent man. So he arranged for Jim to learn a trade while serving his time.

After about three years, Jim had become one of the best carpenters in the whole county.

Sometimes he was even given a weekend pass to do small jobs for folks around town, and he always returned to the prison by Sunday evening.

Jim was the definition of a model inmate.

One day, the warden decided he wanted to remodel his kitchen, but he didn’t have the skills to build new cabinets and a large countertop.

So he called Jim into his office and asked if he could take on the job.

To the warden’s surprise, Jim immediately refused.

“But you’re an expert, Jim, and I really could use your help,” said the warden.

“Gee, Warden, I’d sure love to help you, but counter fitting is what got me in here in the first place.”

[DNSB]

According to one of my neighbours, starting to run in your 40's is a great way to meet new people. Only yesterday, they met two paramedics, a nurse and nearly God.