"The Second Book of Memorable First Sentences From Books That Don't Exist"

[crich70]

Originally Posted by gmw

Please don't let this interruption disturb the ongoing first-sentence story of the doughnut-aliens, but the NanoWriMo thread inspired this:

Bart stood back and surveyed the blackboards, realising that he could do the unexpected and publish a novel before Lisa did; in stark white on black he was surrounded by a complete NanoWriMo project, "I must write a ten word sentence five thousand times."

Somehow I can see that being in Bart's character.

[Graham]

A rabbit, a four iron, three onions and an egg whisk; together they held the key to solving the Williams' case.


Graham

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Graham

A rabbit, a four iron, three onions and an egg whisk; together they held the key to solving the Williams' case.


Graham

Now THAT'S an Indie book: Absurd plot, inane dialogue, creaky logic, asinine transitions, non-existent grammar, and zero proofreading.

(I'm imaging all these things will be there, based upon that first sentence.)

YOU'VE GOT A HIT ON YOUR HANDS! Write it, and I'll buy it!





Don

[Graham]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

Now THAT'S an Indie book: Absurd plot, inane dialogue, creaky logic, asinine transitions, non-existent grammar, and zero proofreading.

(I'm imaging all these things will be there, based upon that first sentence.)

YOU'VE GOT A HIT ON YOUR HANDS! Write it, and I'll buy it!





Don

Needs more thought. Two onions, well, the plot connections are obvious. But three?

Graham

[crich70]

The letter on his desk read: Dear sir, due to your having filled out and returned the paperwork to apply for membership in Procrastinator's Anonymous we deeply regret that we will have to reject you for membership once we finally get around to finding the proper form for so doing, but do feel free to apply again if you ever get around to it.

[Graham]

Originally Posted by crich70

The letter on his desk read: Dear sir, due to your having filled out and returned the paperwork to apply for membership in Procrastinator's Anonymous we deeply regret that we will have to reject you for membership once we finally get around to finding the proper form for so doing, but do feel free to apply again if you ever get around to it.

Excellent.

And it is, of course, an entire book in a single sentence.

Graham

[doubleshuffle]

Yeah, that one is really brilliant.

[Greg Anos]

Money may have been the root of all evil, but what meal was complete without the meat of sex and the wine of broken promises.

[crich70]

Thank you Graham and doubleshuffle.

[Dr. Drib]

Well, I said novels, but this is one that needs to be written:


In this study, The Marginalization of Pete: How Disney Discriminates Against Fat Cartoon Characters With Four Teeth, I will examine the socio-historical underpinnings of what it means to be an obese cartoon character with only four teeth, vis-à-vis the danger of being stereotyped as a non-essential ‘throw-away’ in the series, one whom Mickey Mouse never formally introduces and one not allowed to participate in the ‘Hot Dog’ song which ends each segment (a heteroglossic orgy in which the other cartoon characters are free to cavort in lewd, libertine fashion); too, I will examine the processing of motive that surrounds each episode using Burke’s dramatistic pentad to tease out a moral determinism to account for Pete’s actions and, finally, I will conclude with an in-depth interview with Pete as he sheds light on his continuing battle with obesity.




Dr. Drib

[crich70]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

Well, I said novels, but this is one that needs to be written:


In this study, The Marginalization of Pete: How Disney Discriminates Against Fat Cartoon Characters With Four Teeth, I will examine the socio-historical underpinnings of what it means to be an obese cartoon character with only four teeth, vis-à-vis the danger of being stereotyped as a non-essential ‘throw-away’ in the series, one whom Mickey Mouse never formally introduces and one not allowed to participate in the ‘Hot Dog’ song which ends each segment (a heteroglossic orgy in which the other cartoon characters are free to cavort in lewd, libertine fashion); too, I will examine the processing of motive that surrounds each episode using Burke’s dramatistic pentad to tease out a moral determinism to account for Pete’s actions and, finally, I will conclude with an in-depth interview with Pete as he sheds light on his continuing battle with obesity.




Dr. Drib

He's also forced to hide his handicap as he is billed in his early appearances as peg leg Pete. Poor Pete.

[Dr. Drib]

When Martin was a young boy he liked to skinny dip at Gillside Lake, first sinking fingers and then arms into the water’s summer heat, an exclamation of wonderment issuing from his mouth, before plunging in head first, causing the birds to screech away in fright, their bright wings casting long shadows across the water, a movement faster than the clouds, but slow like the ticking of the endless summer day and the heat that seemed to consume everything; but now, fully grown and working as a security guard in Ohio’s largest chocolate-producing factory, he enjoyed dipping and then throwing fingers, arms and other assorted dismembered body parts into the giant vat of chocolate that rose into the night, the heat as oppressive as ever, the night a rippling wonder like a skipped stone thrown across a still water.





Dr. Drib

[vivaldirules]

From infancy, we fall through an unending stream of now; the only shame of which is our inability to notice.



Deep apologies to Mr. Updike.

[Namekuseijin]

I was fortune hunting when I turned yellow by the gold fever: someone took me for gold and my fortunes changed forever.

not actually a first sentence and a whole story in itself, but I could not find a better spot to post it...

[crich70]

it's a difficult and almost unbelievable story (of how I came to be here), an epic drama about the illicit contact between my right foot and a cast off banana peel which had been discarded by a monkey as he unwrapped his lunch.