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Old 05-19-2023, 10:16 AM   #1
ownedbycats
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Terrible Jokes

A man walks into an Indian restaurant. Before he makes an order, the waiter gives him a form to sign.

The only thing on the form is a sentence saying "We have naan at this restaurant."

The man asks why he needed to sign this.

Impatiently, the waiter replies "Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on."
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Old 05-19-2023, 10:18 AM   #2
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I asked the librarian if there was a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat.

They said it rang a bell, but they weren't sure if it was there or not.
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Old 05-19-2023, 01:26 PM   #3
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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Old 05-19-2023, 01:46 PM   #4
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Those evil, insidious home appliances! I wonder if they have a secret plan to destroy humans and take over the world...
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Old 05-19-2023, 08:08 PM   #5
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I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
Yes, but is the fridge also responsible for missing socks?
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Old 05-20-2023, 02:39 AM   #6
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Elly.
Elly who?
Elly-mentary, my dear Watson!
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Old 05-22-2023, 06:19 AM   #7
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How many does it take to circumcise a whale?
Four skin divers.
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Old 05-22-2023, 05:03 PM   #8
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Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!” His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
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Old 05-27-2023, 03:00 AM   #9
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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
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Old 05-27-2023, 12:53 PM   #10
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
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Old 05-27-2023, 11:59 PM   #11
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A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, "They tested it and told me I’m A positive."

The imam follows up with, "Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative."

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, "Pretty sure I’m a type O."
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Old 05-28-2023, 03:38 PM   #12
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The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.
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Old 06-01-2023, 11:11 PM   #13
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A M÷bius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.

The bartender asks, "What’s wrong, buddy?"

The M÷bius strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"
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Old 06-01-2023, 11:17 PM   #14
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The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Old 06-02-2023, 06:03 AM   #15
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A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him. I know the drill.
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