05-11-2018, 02:15 PM | #10096 |
The Couch Potato
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A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. 'Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?'
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05-14-2018, 05:33 AM | #10097 |
The Couch Potato
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"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old." |
05-14-2018, 08:04 PM | #10098 |
Illiterate
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Got into a taxi the other day, and the cabbie promptly introduced himself as “Cadillac Jack.”
“I’ve owned 29 Cadillacs, all of them new,” he said, and proceeded to tell me about each and every one of them as we drove across town. Finally I had to ask. “How old are you?” “Sixty,” he said. “How did you manage to go through 29 Cadillacs?” “Well, you know, if you don’t pay for them, they take ’em back.” |
05-21-2018, 07:58 PM | #10099 |
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral.
A man leans in to her and says "I'm so sorry.... do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go right ahead," she replies. He stands up, clears his throat, and says, "Plethora", then sits back down. "Thank you," she says to him, "that means a lot." |
05-22-2018, 01:10 PM | #10100 |
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I was on the subway the other day, and the guy next to me was crying over a book. He was actually crying.
So, I leaned over -- I go, You dont know how to read, either? |
05-25-2018, 06:18 AM | #10101 |
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If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
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05-25-2018, 11:54 AM | #10102 |
Handy Elephant
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When Chuck Norris needs help he calls his own number and leaves a message for himself.
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05-25-2018, 06:05 PM | #10103 |
Wizard
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05-27-2018, 06:24 AM | #10104 |
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As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece." |
05-29-2018, 05:44 AM | #10105 |
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What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
"I told you I was ill"! |
05-29-2018, 05:54 AM | #10106 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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05-31-2018, 10:05 AM | #10107 |
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A senior citizen was clearing out his attic when he came upon an old painting and a violin. Thinking they might be valuable, he took them to the auction house to be valued.
After studying them, the appraiser said, "Mr Cooper, I have good news and I have bad news." "What's the good news?" the senior asked. "The good news is that you have a Stradivarius and a Picasso," replied the appraiser. "Fantastic! What's the bad news?" "Well sir, the bad news is that Stradivarius was a very bad painter and Picasso was no good with violins." |
06-02-2018, 02:51 PM | #10108 |
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Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress: "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies: "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?" |
06-07-2018, 05:12 AM | #10109 |
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English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
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06-09-2018, 12:53 PM | #10110 |
Handy Elephant
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My favorite vegetable is bacon. I eat a lot of vegetables.
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