Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[DNSB]

What do you do with a blue whale?

Cheer it up!

[ownedbycats]

[DNSB]

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill.
There were four men ...

one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

Spoiler:

• The man going up the hill: was rushin
• The man in the brothel: him-a-layin
• The man walking down the hill: was finish
• The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green.

[ownedbycats]

I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.

[DNSB]

Three guys on a plane to Paris start chatting with each other.

First guy says ‘I’m Jean, I have a fashion boutique in London, I sell clothes to the stars and I’m off to Paris to open a new branch’

Second guy says ‘I’m Javier, I have a street food eatery in Madrid and I’m going to see about expanding my business in France.’

Third guy says ‘I’m Massimiliano from Venice, I’m a millionaire and I’m going to buy a new flat on near the Champs Elysées with a spectacular view of the Eiffel Tower.’

After about an hour the plane hits trouble and it looks like they’re gonna go down. John says ‘I have to tell you the truth, I don’t have a successful fashion boutique, I just sell T shirts on my market stall. I’m sorry I lied.’

Javier says ‘I’m not really a businessman, I have a hot dog stand and I’m going to Paris to see my cousin.’

Massimiliano finally pipes up: ‘Sorry guys, I’m not from Venice I’m from Mestre.’

[DNSB]

In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, what's the difference between the chicken and the pig?

Answer: The chicken is involved, but the pig is committed!

[Freeshadow]

which cheese has the shortest ripening time? - the Monzarella.

which spice should always be the last one used? - Mousse tarde.

[DNSB]

Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet." said Little Johnny.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

[Comfy.n]

[ownedbycats]

[Comfy.n]

ouch. xD

[ownedbycats]

Originally Posted by Comfy.n

ouch. xD

Accurate, though.

[ownedbycats]

[DNSB]

A bit of dark humour from XKCD (#3049)

[afv011]

How do librarians remotely access their computers?

ssh!