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Old 06-07-2023, 09:09 PM   #31
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Old 06-08-2023, 12:02 AM   #32
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A circus performer is pulled over for having a broken light, and the police officer asks about the collection of knives in the backseat.

"They're for my juggling act, sir," the performer says.

The officer asks him to prove it, so the performer gets out of the car and starts juggling knives.

Just then, two people pass by. "Wow," one of them says. "I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."
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Old 06-08-2023, 01:17 PM   #33
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DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Old 06-08-2023, 03:10 PM   #34
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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A chemist froze himself to -273.15 °C. Everyone said he was crazy. I said he was 0K.
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Old 06-08-2023, 06:01 PM   #35
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A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
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Old 06-09-2023, 03:48 PM   #36
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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How did the Redguard blacksmith break his foot?

His Hammerfell.
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Old 06-12-2023, 07:18 PM   #37
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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How do you throw a party on Mars?

First you have to planet.
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Old 06-13-2023, 12:24 AM   #38
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DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."
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Old 06-13-2023, 01:53 AM   #39
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Have you heard of the new band called 999 Megabytes? They still haven't gotten a gig.
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Old 06-13-2023, 03:02 PM   #40
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“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”

“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
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Old 06-15-2023, 08:34 PM   #41
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla?

A purr-ito.
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Old 06-15-2023, 11:01 PM   #42
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DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.DNSB ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
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Old 06-15-2023, 11:16 PM   #43
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says "how'd you do that?"
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Old 06-16-2023, 01:57 AM   #44
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ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ownedbycats ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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How do you generate a random string?

Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit.
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Old 06-16-2023, 09:13 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ownedbycats View Post
How do you generate a random string?

Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit.
I loved using vi - probably still remember most of the command abbreviations!
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