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Old 03-14-2009, 06:49 PM   #181
Wetdogeared
Storm Surge'n
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Originally Posted by xianfox View Post
One of the squirrels in my father's neighborhood likes to climb up the inside of his downspouts. Makes a hell of a lot of noise.
And the mutant ninja squirrels went up the spout again....

WDE.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:38 AM   #182
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Old Jokes home

An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the
priest, 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of
70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday,
I picked up two college girls hitch-hiking. We went to
a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?"
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:45 AM   #183
pshrynk
Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
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Originally Posted by Nate the great View Post
My house has metal siding, with metal trim on the corners. Squirrels like to climb up the trim. They make an odd clickety clackity sound.

I'm not joking; I saw one do it.
Were they these squirrels?

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Old 03-17-2009, 07:45 PM   #184
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so
advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it
in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a
lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him
looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so
advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person,
put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two
weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of
Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the
country is looking for work.'
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Old 03-17-2009, 07:56 PM   #185
pilotbob
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrandma View Post
An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of
Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the
country is looking for work.'






BOb
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:12 PM   #186
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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Oh, piffle.
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Old 03-21-2009, 11:00 PM   #187
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:26 PM   #188
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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pshwynk has started a "serious" thread in The Llounge.


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Old 03-23-2009, 11:37 AM   #189
pshrynk
Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
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pshwynk has started a "serious" thread in The Llounge.


Hey, I'm trying to invoke Hell freezing over so the Reds will go to the Series and the Bengals will go to the Superbowl.
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Old 03-23-2009, 02:02 PM   #190
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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But do you realize just how difficult it has been for me to restrain myself??
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Old 03-23-2009, 02:29 PM   #191
pshrynk
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Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
But do you realize just how difficult it has been for me to restrain myself??
And I appreciate your continued efforts.
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:00 PM   #192
UncleDuke
books & doughnuts
UncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five wordsUncleDuke can name that ebook in five words
 
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Sent to me by an old high schooll friend that I have not seen in many years. She wrote:

”Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.”
my g/f of the hour will love this one

if the puppy wants to be restrained i still have my jacket with the long sleves that tie in the back

you've been a great audience, i'll be here all week, remember to tip your waitress
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Old 03-25-2009, 12:14 PM   #193
rebarnmom
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Three Ladies in a Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
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Old 03-25-2009, 12:20 PM   #194
MickeyC
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A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'



The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.



He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this
Story? ....
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
Always overcome youth and arrogance!
OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!
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Old 03-25-2009, 12:38 PM   #195
Over
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Two guys were traveling on foot, when of them says:
- Hay, I'm hungry. Let's stop and eat something.
- Me too, let's go near that tree.
- No, let's sit and eat right here.
- In the middle of the road?!
- Trust me.

They made a pic nic in the middle of the road, when a car appeared at hight speed. When the driver saw those two guys in the middle of the road, he turns the car and crashes agains't the tree.

- See? I was right about not eating under that tree.
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