Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 445

pilotbob · 06-21-2013, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

Yes, I didn't know quite where to put it, so I just chose the longest thread.

I kept waiting for the punch line.

wodin · 06-21-2013, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

I kept waiting for the punch line.

Some who wait for the bus are laughers and singers.
Travel with those people whenever you can.

guanaco · 06-22-2013, 12:46 AM

- Doctor, doctor, I don't know what I have.
- Well, then take these pills that I don't know what are they for.

Bookpossum · 06-22-2013, 07:47 AM

These are classified ads, which were supposedly placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Fbone · 06-22-2013, 12:24 PM

I visited the National Air and Space Museum. I believe the title is misleading because it is actually full of stuff.

--Stephen Colbert

Fbone · 06-23-2013, 05:17 PM

How do you spot a vegan at a party?

Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

yvanleterrible · 06-24-2013, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

How do you spot a vegan at a party?

Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

They're the only ones not around the BBQ.

For some strange reason I've always thought they were inhabitants of planet Vega?

steven522 · 06-24-2013, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

How do you spot a vegan at a party?
Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

For some strange reason I've always thought they were inhabitants of planet Vega?

Well, they do have Awesome Vegan Powers.

pilotbob · 06-24-2013, 10:52 AM

New Dentures

A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

"Is that so?" the first old gentleman asked. "Did he do a good job?"

The second gent replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot.

"Uh, yeah?" the first man said.

"The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the nuts," his friend concluded.

The first old guy was confused and asked, "What does that have to do with your dentures?"

"Well," the second man answered, "that was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt."

yvanleterrible · 06-24-2013, 12:09 PM

There's a usual expression in French about this. "Ça change le mal de place". Which translates roughly to: "It just shifts the pain around." Meaning moral relief more than a pain release...

Fbone · 06-24-2013, 01:58 PM

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

orlok · 06-24-2013, 02:05 PM

When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute; I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.

Freeshadow · 06-25-2013, 10:43 AM

Something like a swiss army knife is rather a tool than a knife. You just keep it in the pocket all time.

Wetdogeared · 06-25-2013, 01:48 PM

When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute; I just think it's strange how many people take tools on a date.

orlok · 06-25-2013, 04:15 PM

It doesn't matter how old you are, you know you haven't grown up yet when a duck quacks at you and you quack back.

06-24-2013, 10:52 AM	#6669
pilotbob Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,832 Karma: 11844413 Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Tampa, FL USA Device: Kindle Touch	New Dentures A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. "Is that so?" the first old gentleman asked. "Did he do a good job?" The second gent replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot. "Uh, yeah?" the first man said. "The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the nuts," his friend concluded. The first old guy was confused and asked, "What does that have to do with your dentures?" "Well," the second man answered, "that was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt." Last edited by pilotbob; 06-24-2013 at 12:23 PM.

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06-22-2013, 12:46 AM	#6663
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	- Doctor, doctor, I don't know what I have. - Well, then take these pills that I don't know what are they for.

06-22-2013, 07:47 AM	#6664
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,137 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	These are classified ads, which were supposedly placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. ** And the WINNER is... ** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

06-22-2013, 12:24 PM	#6665
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I visited the National Air and Space Museum. I believe the title is misleading because it is actually full of stuff. --Stephen Colbert

06-23-2013, 05:17 PM	#6666
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	How do you spot a vegan at a party? Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

06-24-2013, 12:09 PM	#6670
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	There's a usual expression in French about this. "Ça change le mal de place". Which translates roughly to: "It just shifts the pain around." Meaning moral relief more than a pain release...

06-24-2013, 01:58 PM	#6671
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

06-24-2013, 02:05 PM	#6672
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute; I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.

06-25-2013, 10:43 AM	#6673
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,792 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	Something like a swiss army knife is rather a tool than a knife. You just keep it in the pocket all time.

06-25-2013, 01:48 PM	#6674
Wetdogeared Storm Surge'n Posts: 5,776 Karma: 8213195 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Lobster Capital Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1	When I see lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute; I just think it's strange how many people take tools on a date.

06-25-2013, 04:15 PM	#6675
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	It doesn't matter how old you are, you know you haven't grown up yet when a duck quacks at you and you quack back.