Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 694

drjd · 01-13-2019, 06:34 AM

Impatience can be attributed to loss of wait!

be4morgan · 01-13-2019, 11:54 PM

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. The truth is that when you're not around I've been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt and hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.

Regards, Richard

NEIGHBOR'S RESPONSE:

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard --killing him.
He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.

Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second
Text message from Richard.

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the @!*+ed Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife."Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

regards, Richard

Autocorrect disabled, LOL

PieMan597 · 01-17-2019, 01:46 AM

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.

The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth.

"what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire"

Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck.

"what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!"

Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose.

"wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

badgoodDeb · 01-17-2019, 02:04 PM

Somehow I thought that was coming!

Adoby · 01-18-2019, 10:06 PM

Beauty pageant meme: What I lack in personality I makeup for.

drjd · 01-23-2019, 06:17 AM

I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.

drjd · 01-31-2019, 06:04 AM

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

issybird · 01-31-2019, 07:04 PM

Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out?
Nurse: 72 days.
Patient: Is it still January?
Nurse: Yes.

Bookpossum · 01-31-2019, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out?
Nurse: 72 days.
Patient: Is it still January?
Nurse: Yes.

Down here it feels like that in July.

drjd · 02-04-2019, 07:05 AM

An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems.

He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ."

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

drjd · 02-06-2019, 07:47 AM

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

drjd · 02-07-2019, 06:33 AM

Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

issybird · 02-07-2019, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

Following it up with one where Tom Joad was a French baker, "The Crepes of Wrath"?

issybird · 02-07-2019, 08:14 AM

Or the one where Danny was a Mexican baker, "Tortilla Flat."

drjd · 02-12-2019, 07:54 AM

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A: A sweater with big pockets.

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01-13-2019, 06:34 AM	#10396
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Impatience can be attributed to loss of wait!

01-13-2019, 11:54 PM	#10397
be4morgan Enthusiast Posts: 31 Karma: 337204 Join Date: Jan 2019 Location: USA Device: iPhone	Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. The truth is that when you're not around I've been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt and hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Regards, Richard NEIGHBOR'S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard --killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second Text message from Richard. SECOND TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the @!+ed Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife."Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all. regards, Richard Autocorrect disabled, LOL*

01-17-2019, 01:46 AM	#10398
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,209 Karma: 35912882 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, BLU Life One X2	3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them. The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire" Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!" Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

01-17-2019, 02:04 PM	#10399
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 7,547 Karma: 49347661 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chicago outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV	Somehow I thought that was coming!

01-18-2019, 10:06 PM	#10400
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,487 Karma: 11464966 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Ubuntu LTS, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	Beauty pageant meme: What I lack in personality I makeup for.

01-23-2019, 06:17 AM	#10401
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.

01-31-2019, 06:04 AM	#10402
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

01-31-2019, 07:04 PM	#10403
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 12,356 Karma: 122318007 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, GloHD, Aura One	Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out? Nurse: 72 days. Patient: Is it still January? Nurse: Yes.

02-04-2019, 07:05 AM	#10405
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

02-06-2019, 07:47 AM	#10406
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

02-07-2019, 06:33 AM	#10407
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

02-07-2019, 08:14 AM	#10409
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 12,356 Karma: 122318007 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, GloHD, Aura One	Or the one where Danny was a Mexican baker, "Tortilla Flat."

02-12-2019, 07:54 AM	#10410
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 24,679 Karma: 162630011 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A: A sweater with big pockets.