Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 745

drjd · 10-13-2020, 06:42 AM

What's the world fastest fruit?
A tomato, nothing else can ketchup!

drjd · 10-14-2020, 06:49 AM

Why do fire departments have dalmatians?

To help the firemen find the hydrants.

PoP · 10-14-2020, 07:12 AM

Why is drjd's potato is missing from his couch?

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Because, Halloween obliged, he changed his avatar for a ghost.

Elektron · 10-14-2020, 11:59 AM

How do you keep a bunch of turkeys in suspense?

Tell you tomorrow.

drjd · 10-15-2020, 06:32 AM

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?

A: For the Boos.

cromag · 10-15-2020, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?

A: For the Boos.

He'd heard that's where all the spirits were.

drjd · 10-17-2020, 06:34 AM

A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific."

The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.

"Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?"

"Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary."

drjd · 10-18-2020, 05:44 AM

At my nephew's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my wife and me.

The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"

My wife said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at me. I said, "She's probably right."

drjd · 10-19-2020, 05:32 AM

Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?"
David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad."
Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?"
David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream."

drjd · 10-22-2020, 05:26 AM

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

drjd · 10-23-2020, 06:24 AM

On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper?

The 'Horrorscope.'

drjd · 10-24-2020, 06:24 AM

What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A frog croaks all the time, while a cat only nine times.

drjd · 10-25-2020, 06:15 AM

I don’t always go the extra mile...
But when I do, it's because I missed my exit!

drjd · 10-26-2020, 11:08 AM

Them: "Why do you always carry a knife?"

Me: "The last time I tried to open a bag of chips with a 9mm, things didn’t go so well."

drjd · 10-28-2020, 05:48 AM

How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era?

"If elected, I promise..."

10-14-2020, 07:12 AM	#11163
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,002 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Why is drjd's potato is missing from his couch? Because, Halloween obliged, he changed his avatar for a ghost. Last edited by pdurrant; 10-14-2020 at 08:54 AM. Reason: whoops. back to the original.

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10-13-2020, 06:42 AM	#11161
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What's the world fastest fruit? A tomato, nothing else can ketchup!

10-14-2020, 06:49 AM	#11162
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why do fire departments have dalmatians? To help the firemen find the hydrants.

10-14-2020, 11:59 AM	#11164
Elektron Banned Posts: 2,296 Karma: 5300240 Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Edmonton, AB Device: Kobo Aura H2O Edition 2 (mark 7), Kobo Mini	How do you keep a bunch of turkeys in suspense? Tell you tomorrow.

10-15-2020, 06:32 AM	#11165
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar? A: For the Boos.

10-17-2020, 06:34 AM	#11167
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific." The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary."

10-18-2020, 05:44 AM	#11168
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	At my nephew's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my wife and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?" My wife said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'" Everyone then looked at me. I said, "She's probably right."

10-19-2020, 05:32 AM	#11169
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?" David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad." Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?" David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream."

10-22-2020, 05:26 AM	#11170
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

10-23-2020, 06:24 AM	#11171
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper? The 'Horrorscope.'

10-24-2020, 06:24 AM	#11172
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What's the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, while a cat only nine times.

10-25-2020, 06:15 AM	#11173
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I don’t always go the extra mile... But when I do, it's because I missed my exit!

10-26-2020, 11:08 AM	#11174
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Them: "Why do you always carry a knife?" Me: "The last time I tried to open a bag of chips with a 9mm, things didn’t go so well."

10-28-2020, 05:48 AM	#11175
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era? "If elected, I promise..."