10-13-2020, 06:42 AM | #11161 |
The Couch Potato
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What's the world fastest fruit?
A tomato, nothing else can ketchup! |
10-14-2020, 06:49 AM | #11162 |
The Couch Potato
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Why do fire departments have dalmatians?
To help the firemen find the hydrants. |
10-14-2020, 07:12 AM | #11163 |
curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ
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Why is drjd's potato is missing from his couch?
Because, Halloween obliged, he changed his avatar for a ghost. Last edited by pdurrant; 10-14-2020 at 08:54 AM. Reason: whoops. back to the original. |
10-14-2020, 11:59 AM | #11164 |
Banned
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How do you keep a bunch of turkeys in suspense?
Tell you tomorrow. |
10-15-2020, 06:32 AM | #11165 |
The Couch Potato
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Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos. |
10-15-2020, 07:49 PM | #11166 |
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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10-17-2020, 06:34 AM | #11167 |
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A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific."
The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary." |
10-18-2020, 05:44 AM | #11168 |
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At my nephew's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my wife and me.
The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?" My wife said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'" Everyone then looked at me. I said, "She's probably right." |
10-19-2020, 05:32 AM | #11169 |
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Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?"
David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad." Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?" David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream." |
10-22-2020, 05:26 AM | #11170 |
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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.
Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist! |
10-23-2020, 06:24 AM | #11171 |
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On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper?
The 'Horrorscope.' |
10-24-2020, 06:24 AM | #11172 |
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What's the difference between a frog and a cat?
A frog croaks all the time, while a cat only nine times. |
10-25-2020, 06:15 AM | #11173 |
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I don’t always go the extra mile...
But when I do, it's because I missed my exit! |
10-26-2020, 11:08 AM | #11174 |
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Them: "Why do you always carry a knife?"
Me: "The last time I tried to open a bag of chips with a 9mm, things didn’t go so well." |
10-28-2020, 05:48 AM | #11175 |
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How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era?
"If elected, I promise..." |
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