Blurb feedback please?

[Catlady]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Do you guys really think not mentioning what the IWS stands for is that big a deal? How come no ones asking what the "rules" are? The fact of the matter is there are no rules and I don't know what the IWS stands for. I could make something up but I like the zaniness of not knowing.

Absolutely I want to know what IWS stands for--not on the cover, but if I were reading the book I would be wondering, and the longer I wondered, the more I would want some hilarious and/or totally unexpected meaning to eventually be revealed. I would definitely want a payoff if the name were withheld.

Why in the world would you NOT want to make up a clever name first and then use the initials? And in a series title yet! Makes no sense to me.

I read "rules" as a verb, not a noun. As a noun, I would assume that the book would tell me what the rules were--from your blurb, I would be thinking that the first general rule is to do what needs to be done, legal or not. I would not expect a list of specifics. It's a totally different thing than not knowing the name of the organization.

[BookCat]

Whenever, wherever I read initial abbreviations and I don't know what they stand for I HAVE TO KNOW! I google them. It's extremely important that you either change IWS or make clear what this stands for, or you will really frustrate your readers who then won't go on to read the other books in the series.

Rules? What Rules?

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Do you guys really think not mentioning what the IWS stands for is that big a deal? How come no ones asking what the "rules" are? The fact of the matter is there are no rules and I don't know what the IWS stands for. I could make something up but I like the zaniness of not knowing.

Quick answer: YES.

[Gregg Bell]

Okay, you guys convinced me.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Quick answer: YES.

Short answer: "Y"

[BookCat]

Maybe the degree of violence and use of language needs to be reflected in the blurb. It really doesn't convey the tone of the book.

[theducks]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Do you guys really think not mentioning what the IWS stands for is that big a deal? How come no ones asking what the "rules" are? The fact of the matter is there are no rules and I don't know what the IWS stands for. I could make something up but I like the zaniness of not knowing.

Yes! If not just for consistency. If it really does not matter, the blur them out so there is no obvious meaning.

There is a just some sort of a 'sign'

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by BookCat

Maybe the degree of violence and use of language needs to be reflected in the blurb. It really doesn't convey the tone of the book.

Hey BookCat.

"she can’t seem to stop killing men"

"she again kills a lot of men"

"when she’s done, will any men be left alive?"

Killing is a pretty high degree of violence, no? And the book is silly over-the-top violence. (She kills a guy by stuffing a basketball trophy up a guy's nose.)

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by theducks

Yes! If not just for consistency. If it really does not matter, the blur them out so there is no obvious meaning.

There is a just some sort of a 'sign'

Thanks ducks. I don't even know if I need IWS in the title anymore. But I will define it in the book.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Hey BookCat.

"she can’t seem to stop killing men"

"she again kills a lot of men"

"when she’s done, will any men be left alive?"

Killing is a pretty high degree of violence, no? And the book is silly over-the-top violence. (She kills a guy by stuffing a basketball trophy up a guy's nose.)

I am seriously wondering about you.
There was nothing silly about that first scene.
Your writing is good. Your trying to define it is way off.

[gmw]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

I am seriously wondering about you.
There was nothing silly about that first scene.
Your writing is good. Your trying to define it is way off.

I agree with most of this, but I also get what Gregg is say: the over-the-top violence is like a Sylvester Stallone movie - Demolition Man or something. It's not slapstick or comic book funny, but it is "silly" to the extent that it makes no attempt at being realistic.

But we've all started from the wrong premise because of how Gregg described the book (or how we interpreted that description) in combination with the misleading cover and title, and (I think) to a lesser extent the blurb.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

I am seriously wondering about you.
There was nothing silly about that first scene.
Your writing is good. Your trying to define it is way off.

What do you have against killing, fictionally speaking? It happens all the time. Without it, where would murder mysteries and thrillers go? Without killing, what would nations and political thrillers do to one another? Play Tiddlywinks?

And don't get me started on zombies. At least they kill for a reason, if not aesthetically.

(You're.)

[meeera]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

What do you have against killing, fictionally speaking? It happens all the time. Without it, where would murder mysteries and thrillers go? Without killing, what would nations and political thrillers do to one another? Play Tiddlywinks?

There are many kinds of murder mysteries. The description and the genre markers on the cover led the reader to expect the level of on-screen violence that one might get in a cosy mystery.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by meeera

There are many kinds of murder mysteries. The description and the genre markers on the cover led the reader to expect the level of on-screen violence that one might get in a cosy mystery.

Most cozy mysteries involve murders. Not all, of course.

I would love to read a cozy mystery about who failed to properly wash the teacups! The drama!

[BookCat]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Hey BookCat.

"she can’t seem to stop killing men"

"she again kills a lot of men"

"when she’s done, will any men be left alive?"

Killing is a pretty high degree of violence, no? And the book is silly over-the-top violence. (She kills a guy by stuffing a basketball trophy up a guy's nose.)

In the blurb, those phrases are thrown out in a very casual manner, leading the potential reader to expect less violence in the killing. Also, the qualifiers like "seem to" and the questioning of the last quotation leave an element of doubt: maybe the killing isn't real, but happens in her fantasies (a kind of vengeful Walter Mitty.)

I seriously didn't see much humour in that passage, just extreme violence. I don't mind swearing when it's illustrative of a subculture or used sparingly and I wouldn't dismiss a book because of it, but even I found some of the language unnecessary, contributing greatly to the sense of serious violence, rather than slapstick humour.