Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 366

amward · 10-10-2012, 10:10 PM

helps the medicine go down!

Fbone · 10-11-2012, 03:06 AM

Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.

Fbone · 10-11-2012, 03:32 PM

The sign at the rehab center said "Keep Off The Grass."

Fbone · 10-12-2012, 07:37 PM

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

Daithi · 10-12-2012, 11:39 PM

Do not read if you don't want to groan.

Annie Oakley was famous for pulling off a trick shot where she used a mirror to aim at a target that was behind her. What is not so well known is that she missed the first time she attempted this miraculous shot, and she killed a spectator in the audience. Wild West historians refer to this incident as Annie Oakley's mirror kill.

cromag · 10-13-2012, 04:37 AM

*groan*

Fbone · 10-13-2012, 07:18 PM

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

74Cuda · 10-14-2012, 01:00 PM

An easy guide to keeping political news in
perspective ...

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people
who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who
think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who
think they should run the country, and who
are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they
ought to run the country but don't really
understand The New York Times. They do,
however, like their statistics shown in pie
charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who
wouldn't mind running the country, if they could
find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave
Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose
parents used to run the country and did a
poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people
who aren't too sure who's running the country
and don't really care as long as they can get
a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who
don't care who is running the country as long
as they do something really scandalous,
preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are
running another country, but need the baseball
scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people
who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone
is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they
stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist,
atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal
aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided
of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped
in line at the grocery store.

12. The Seattle Times is read by people who have
recently caught a fish and need something to
wrap it in.

Fbone · 10-14-2012, 06:53 PM

"Doctor, doctor! Will this ointment clear up my spots?"
"I never make rash promises."

wannabee · 10-15-2012, 09:16 AM

This fellow goes to see the doctor. He is shy and intimidated but builds up the courage to tell the doctor why he came.
"You probably wouldn't guess doc, but I have terrible flatulence and I was wondering if you had something that would fix it?"
The doc says to please wait a minute and he steps outside and returns with a giant stick, like a fisherman's pike and it's has a great big hook on the end.
The man screams and says "What are you going to do with that?"
The doctor says "I'm going to open the sky light and let in some fresh air."

Daithi · 10-15-2012, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

This fellow goes to see the doctor. He is shy and intimidated but builds up the courage to tell the doctor why he came.
"You probably wouldn't guess doc, but I have terrible flatulence and I was wondering if you had something that would fix it?"
The doc says to please wait a minute and he steps outside and returns with a giant stick, like a fisherman's pike and it's has a great big hook on the end.
The man screams and says "What are you going to do with that?"
The doctor says "I'm going to open the sky light and let in some fresh air."

Does this joke have anything to do with your avatar?

Fbone · 10-15-2012, 02:51 PM

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy

Fbone · 10-16-2012, 04:39 PM

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting".

So we stopped playing chess.

Nexutix · 10-17-2012, 12:58 AM

So...

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Spoiler:

Stitchawl · 10-17-2012, 07:01 AM

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ..... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.

Stitchawl

10-17-2012, 12:58 AM	#5489
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	So... What did the fish say when it ran into a wall? Spoiler: Dam!

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10-10-2012, 10:10 PM	#5476
amward Wizard Posts: 1,299 Karma: 2081110 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: SW Australia Device: Eco Eclipse, Sony PRS 350 (pink), Ipod Touch, Kindle Touch	helps the medicine go down!

10-11-2012, 03:06 AM	#5477
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.

10-11-2012, 03:32 PM	#5478
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The sign at the rehab center said "Keep Off The Grass."

10-12-2012, 07:37 PM	#5479
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

10-12-2012, 11:39 PM	#5480
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	Do not read if you don't want to groan. Annie Oakley was famous for pulling off a trick shot where she used a mirror to aim at a target that was behind her. What is not so well known is that she missed the first time she attempted this miraculous shot, and she killed a spectator in the audience. Wild West historians refer to this incident as Annie Oakley's mirror kill.

10-13-2012, 04:37 AM	#5481
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 24,293 Karma: 459220161 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	groan

10-13-2012, 07:18 PM	#5482
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One good turn gets most of the blankets.

10-14-2012, 01:00 PM	#5483
74Cuda MaxPuppy Rules Posts: 31,418 Karma: 31670648 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: NW Oregon Device: Kindle Fire 8.9 HDX Kindle 3, Kindle Fire, Kindle Fire HD, Acer A200	An easy guide to keeping political news in perspective ... 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated. 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores. 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. 12. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

10-14-2012, 06:53 PM	#5484
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	"Doctor, doctor! Will this ointment clear up my spots?" "I never make rash promises."

10-15-2012, 09:16 AM	#5485
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,381 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	This fellow goes to see the doctor. He is shy and intimidated but builds up the courage to tell the doctor why he came. "You probably wouldn't guess doc, but I have terrible flatulence and I was wondering if you had something that would fix it?" The doc says to please wait a minute and he steps outside and returns with a giant stick, like a fisherman's pike and it's has a great big hook on the end. The man screams and says "What are you going to do with that?" The doctor says "I'm going to open the sky light and let in some fresh air."

10-15-2012, 02:51 PM	#5487
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy

10-16-2012, 04:39 PM	#5488
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting". So we stopped playing chess.

10-17-2012, 07:01 AM	#5490
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ..... so she took them home and ate them. Two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think. Stitchawl