Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 257

Bikeridr · 10-13-2011, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I vodka dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

There, I fixed it

Fbone · 10-14-2011, 04:48 AM

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair.

dreams · 10-14-2011, 04:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair.

And...

I don't consider myself smart; just one of the least dumbest!

Bikeridr · 10-14-2011, 06:53 AM

... and I only lack 12 cm for my ideal height/weight ratio.

Bilbo1967 · 10-14-2011, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikeridr

... and I only lack 12 cm for my ideal height/weight ratio.

Same here; I'm not overweight, I'm under-height!

Stitchawl · 10-14-2011, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Same here; I'm not overweight, I'm under-height!

Not under-height... Vertically Challenged!

Stitchawl

Lycoming · 10-14-2011, 10:24 AM

It's difficult to remain silent when the nurse calculating your BMI (Body Mass Index) has a backside like a Chesterfield Settee.

HomeInMyShoes · 10-14-2011, 10:27 AM

Lol at the last page. I think of my two year old as frontal lobe challenged now.

Fbone · 10-14-2011, 02:45 PM

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

Lycoming · 10-14-2011, 02:48 PM

Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.

Stitchawl · 10-14-2011, 08:21 PM

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
--------------------

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

Stitchawl

Fbone · 10-15-2011, 03:49 AM

I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food!

dreams · 10-15-2011, 04:21 AM

In honor of our new moderator.

When should a mouse carry an umbrella ?

Spoiler:

***************
Papa mouse and his son were getting cheese from the kitchen when the cat pounced in. Snatching up his son, Papa ran for the mouse hole, but it was obvious he wasn't going to make it.

Finally, in desperation, he whipped around and shouted "Bark, Bark" at the cat.

The cat skidded to a halt and ran away. Papa mouse turned to his son and said,

Spoiler:

**I know, I know, but don't blame me. It is not that easy to find decent mouse jokes**

PeterT · 10-15-2011, 08:36 AM

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, the engineers rolled on the floor.

Quote:

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (field replacement units) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each engineer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

Fbone · 10-15-2011, 04:56 PM

I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

10-15-2011, 04:21 AM	#3853
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,112 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	In honor of our new moderator. When should a mouse carry an umbrella ? Spoiler: When it's raining cats and dogs ! ************* Papa mouse and his son were getting cheese from the kitchen when the cat pounced in. Snatching up his son, Papa ran for the mouse hole, but it was obvious he wasn't going to make it. Finally, in desperation, he whipped around and shouted "Bark, Bark" at the cat. The cat skidded to a halt and ran away. Papa mouse turned to his son and said, Spoiler: "Now do you see how important it is to learn a foreign language?" I know, I know, but don't blame me. It is not that easy to find decent mouse jokes**

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10-14-2011, 04:48 AM	#3842
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair.

10-14-2011, 06:53 AM	#3844
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	... and I only lack 12 cm for my ideal height/weight ratio.

10-14-2011, 10:24 AM	#3847
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	It's difficult to remain silent when the nurse calculating your BMI (Body Mass Index) has a backside like a Chesterfield Settee.

10-14-2011, 10:27 AM	#3848
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	Lol at the last page. I think of my two year old as frontal lobe challenged now.

10-14-2011, 02:45 PM	#3849
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

10-14-2011, 02:48 PM	#3850
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.

10-14-2011, 08:21 PM	#3851
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!" -------------------- There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day" Stitchawl

10-15-2011, 03:49 AM	#3852
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food!

10-15-2011, 04:56 PM	#3855
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.